What’s your definition of a Relationship?

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cyberdad
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21 Dec 2020, 6:46 pm

I think the OP is referring to an intimate relationship as opposed to a platonic one.

The reality is that among binary genders it's impossible for males and females to maintain a friendship if one or both find the other attractive.

Over time either the friendship ends or a relationship is born.



kraftiekortie
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21 Dec 2020, 6:49 pm

There are many friendships where one person is attracted to another---but it can't be consummated.

Sometimes, when one or the other person breaks up with a previous lover or spouse, the friendship could go "further."

Sometimes, it doesn't go "further." It can be frustrating----but it's doable.



cyberdad
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21 Dec 2020, 6:54 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
There are many friendships where one person is attracted to another---but it can't be consummated.

Sometimes, when one or the other person breaks up with a previous lover or spouse, the friendship could go "further."

Sometimes, it doesn't go "further." It can be frustrating----but it's doable.


Usually this happens when couples are friends, also where the person is single but respects the "friend" they are attracted to is in a relationship, In those instances the male will never see the female (or the other way around) alone, socialising is done together.



kraftiekortie
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21 Dec 2020, 6:57 pm

I've been involved with "one on ones" with people I was attracted to----but the relationship remained Platonic. Not necessarily of my own choice. But it's a case where I'd rather have this person in my life than out of my life.



cyberdad
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21 Dec 2020, 6:59 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
I've been involved with "one on ones" with people I was attracted to----but the relationship remained Platonic. Not necessarily of my own choice. But it's a case where I'd rather have this person in my life than out of my life.


I see, is this long term platonic friendship with an attractive female?



kraftiekortie
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21 Dec 2020, 7:00 pm

It certainly was. It was hard sometimes. But at least I had the anonymity of my own bedroom.



KT67
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21 Dec 2020, 7:01 pm

What about gay people of binary genders?

What about a young man who takes care of an old lady once a week - doing meals on wheels etc? Is he her toyboy?

What about colleagues of different genders who get on well?

I think there are cases where someone can be a different gender to someone else and get along platonically. I think thinking otherwise belongs in primary school, so and so and so and so kissing in a tree type territory :lol:

I agree that with any gender, the idea that two people who find each other attractive can have a happy and purely platonic friendship is a very hard ideal. One should only do that if there's no way out of it - for eg with childhood friends when your parents are friends too or work colleagues (even so, don't be alone together if you can help it).


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kraftiekortie
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21 Dec 2020, 7:04 pm

There are many close and intimate friendships between people who could potentially be lovers if their "fate" was different.

Attraction does not preclude friendship. Perhaps, it might enhance the friendship.

I know of people who were friends 20 years or more---who eventually "got together" romantically.

I also know of people who were friends 20 years or more---who have never "gotten together."



Raleigh
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21 Dec 2020, 7:06 pm

I don't consider an online dating situation a relationship.


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kraftiekortie
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21 Dec 2020, 7:11 pm

I believe it's much, much better if people meet in person.



cyberdad
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21 Dec 2020, 7:46 pm

Raleigh wrote:
I don't consider an online dating situation a relationship.


This gets back to my point that a relationship = intimacy



kraftiekortie
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21 Dec 2020, 8:19 pm

I had these sorts of relationships long before the Internet---in my 20's.



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21 Dec 2020, 8:38 pm

Just my opinion but you are not in a relationship unless the person you’re talking to/f*****g agrees to being in a relationship, the assumption being that ‘relationship’ means that it will go somewhere.

When someone has to define what you are together, and that definition isn’t ‘relationship’ as we know it, it’s something that usually will lead to nothing more than casual companionship



nick007
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21 Dec 2020, 9:00 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
I believe it's much, much better if people meet in person.
I completely agree but I also consider online relationships to be real relationships if you are invested in it & take things seriously. All 3 of mine were mostley online & I def considered them to be real relationships. LDRs can be very difficult sometimes thou. I'm extremely glad my current relationship transitioned from online to us moving in together.


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Pepe
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22 Dec 2020, 1:50 am

cyberdad wrote:
I think the OP is referring to an intimate relationship as opposed to a platonic one.

The reality is that among binary genders it's impossible for males and females to maintain a friendship if one or both find the other attractive.

Over time either the friendship ends or a relationship is born.


Wrong. 8)



Pepe
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22 Dec 2020, 1:53 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
I've been involved with "one on ones" with people I was attracted to----but the relationship remained Platonic. Not necessarily of my own choice. But it's a case where I'd rather have this person in my life than out of my life.


Yup...