What is your Concept of Romantic LOVE? Please DEFINE it.

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Interesting research. I have researched BDSM in Aspie Quiz, and similar to the above study, found a correlation between the two, but it is not very strong (just as the article claims too). The link between ND and BDSM is weaker than the link between ND and asexuality. However, being asexual is NOT a neurodiverse relationship trait, it's related to a dislike for neurotypical relationship preferences. BDSM, OTOH, is a neurodiverse relationship trait. Also note in the article that they found that commands & demands primarily were valued by typical people while restraint & bonding primarily were valued by NDs. I think this makes a lot of sense. I think NDs would have far more interest in BDSM if vanilla sex, the command & demand dimension was dropped and more of the role play, bonding, restraint and sensory stimulation was in focus.

I think BDSM, just like LGBT, queer and asexual misses the main point as all of those identities have been defined by NTs, and not by NDs.



I think you are right. Pain resistance was probably a major advantage in the hunting style, and the role play characteristic of BDSM seems to blend well with different ways to trick prey animals that typically relate to the sensory dimension or stims.

Thank you. Most of the stuff I based it upon, I now consciously know about because I learned it from you.

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Interesting...Thank you for responding here...

Romantic love is walking down the beach in the moonlight, hand in hand. Romantic love is a homemade candlelit dinner for two. Romantic love is dinner and a movie for two. Romantic love is standing to kiss on the corner where everyone can see you. Romantic love is chocolate and strawberries. Romantic love is proposing to your lover in a restaurant.

Oh come on, Boo....be a sweet Sue!

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Best description so far

No.

The best nightmare?

Eating and just sitting & socializing is incredibly boring, and the rest is not much better.

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Everyone here is entitled to their opinion, including you

Ha! Don't be too hard on her, she's admittedly an NT. But yes, there were some serious heart pouring in this thread and yet of all that, she's chosen that description. There's no justice for us, I'm telling you!

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I think it puts some focus on the different ways which people might prefer in romance, and how these preferences can clash big time.

I guess for an NT, eating & socializing is important, and kind of builds a connection (possibly also with the help of sexual intercourse). Thus, it becomes important to go to restaurants, to show your love in public with kissing or just walking together as a couple.

For me, showing the whole world that I like a particular woman is not that important. I'm pretty content with it being a secret, and that also adds a bit of thrill to it. What is important is to be close regularly and have a mind-to-mind connection.

For an NT, merging two into one by harmonizing your ideals, views and social circle is important, and I suppose that is what dating is all about.

For me, it's important to be able to remain an individual and I don't want my partner to borrow my views or social circle, rather I want her to cultivate her own. Instead, it's more useful to seek common interests as a couple. Actually, this also means we will get more experience with compromising when this is necessary.

When I've felt "love" for people I usually feel like I can be fully honest with them (not mask as much, etc.) without them taking advantage of it (whether that ends up true or not lol). They don't give me the anxiety and wariness that other people give me.

I want to spend a lot of time with that person and seemingly don't get exhausted by being around them or messaging them a lot of the time, which doesn't happen with most people. I just like being around them a lot, and instead of the vague feelings I usually get towards other people due to alexithymia I get very excited to see them and think about them.

I also feel very comfortable being touched by them and want to be physically close to them when I'm around them, and long to be able to do that when I'm not around them.

I'm not usually genuinely interested in what other people like (that sounds kind of mean, but it's true), but I want to get to know what that person is interested in and do those things with them.

"Love" in comparison to other relationships is like having a best friend, but that person is a super-best friend that I'd consider spending my life with. lmao

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Key word: COMPROMISE...In capital letters for a neuro-diverse marriage...

Even then, it will be far from ideal for both partners...One can easily appreciate in this thread that there is a gigantic gap between the two different concepts of ROMANTIC LOVE...And trying to integrate both concepts is a collosal task that will require hard work from both sides...Collosal, indeed, but not impossible...

That kind of optimism is wishful thinking. It's like trying to hammer the square peg into the round hole.

I may have misunderstood your point, but people don't kiss in public to show off. It's more that they do it because they want to kiss the other person and they don't really care where they are. Some may want to show off, but mostly people will like it if you feel comfortable kissing them in public because it shows that you are attracted to them so much that you want to kiss them now, here, not caring where you are. People like spontaneity. Feelings aren't things that can be put into appropriate locations. They just spring up. It's romantic when someone wants to kiss you because it shows that they feel all warm and fuzzy around you and want to touch you.

It's not done as a show or something like acting. It's not meant to be fake. That's why NTs can get upset with Aspies. The NT feels spontaneous, but the Aspie has a more rigid view of when things should be done and where.

That's why NTs get upset when Aspies don't do spontaneous things for them or enjoy doing things with them. The NT feels love and warmth when they do these things. It means love to them. They feel like the aspie doesn't feel the same love back.