I shot my shot

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Well yeah you know your brother more than I do I suppose so yeah you'd know better to whether to trust his advice or not, and yeah perhaps there is something more to this so may be best to try and remain patient a little longer and see if you hear from that guy again before making a decision.

Yeah, so, umm.. I've done worse. But,.. I don't believe you will seduce a guy this way. You can't write people about your feelings and you can't even tell them. They won't understand. You have to keep the 'feminine mystique.' The guy sounds a little bit socially inexperienced himself, but your expectations were unrealistic. The guy won't talk to you 1:1 at the Jewish club if he is not interested in you. If he wanted to get closer to you and was interested, he would try to talk to you there. Not saying he isn't interested. It's naïve of him to invite a non-Jewish person to the Jewish club, although some who are not Jewish go out of curiosity and desire to socialize. I've seen non-Russians at the Russian club, and non-Christian Orthodox at the Christian club. It is likely that the guy is way out your league - sociable, friendly, popular and good looking - and he won't go for an AS girl of above average looks. Or he is an inexperienced guy and doesn't realize you like him or know what to do.

In the future, make a point for yourself to keep your reactions to people to yourself, and never make the mistake of making them aware by sending them any kind of message or email. It will ruin the relationship or damage it despite making you feel better initially, it will make them feel bad and confused.

I am speaking from experience from writing such message for 10-15 years and losing many relationships as a result and ruining my reputation. It's a common aspie pitful. It's not the end of the world though. It's naive and immature, but it looks understandable and I'm sure the guy will give you a second chance, as long as you do not ask for it in any kind of message. In general, women who are any good at seducing men do not contact the guy first. They play defense, not offense. The benefit is that you don't risk being emotionally hurt by people finding out you like the guy if he does not pursue you, or even rejects you.

Also, we can't tell if the guy wasn't interested in you. If he invited you to his club, that is an Indicator of Interest. You know Jewish people, especially Orthodox Jews, are very uneducated about sexuality, which means the guy may be clueless about sexuality and dating and not know that he is being rude and coming off as uninterested by leaving you alone at the club.

Same thing happened to me once or twice - a girl who seemed briefly interested would invite me to her club or event, but when I got there, she did not want to talk to me. It's somewhat different because genders are reversed though. So my three main points are: 1. Don't ever write people any messages or emails about how you feel 2. Don't expose yourself to rejection by making it known you like a guy unless the guy is already pursuing you a lot and you've been on multiple dates or other forms of 3. The #1 thing you can do to make your life easier is to step your appearance game and dress a little bit sexier (not too sexy), things like nice dresses, a little cleavage (as long as it's safe), earrings, lip stick, small amount of make up applied by someone who knows what they are doing (don't be the girl that shows too much cleavage or applies lipstick the wrong and unattractive way), slight heels, skirts that are not too short.

If you liked the club, you can go back. But if you did not like it, don't go back - find a different club based on your interests.

NTs date the sister of their friend all the time. It's only an issue for AS type of guys I think. Regardless, don't make any harsh conclusions from your experience. Your feelings and fears will blow it out of proportion. You are absolutely fine. You are socializing with people in order to learn. Just remember to learn from your experiences and apply the new knowledge to your next social interaction and make sure the interaction won't be by email or message if it's anything negative. Best to take the negative opinions and give yourself a few years to see if they are even true before telling people about them and risking hurting them and yourself.

Last edited by idntonkw on 07 Feb 2021, 5:48 am, edited 5 times in total.

I dunno, but I find dating a friend’s sister to be extremely awkward, the closer the friend the more awkward too; it’s not very common from what I see btw.

Maybe he does feel that too.

update: Oh, good lord, I have two messages from him on insta. ugh. i do not want to read them. No.

If that is how he feels, I respect that and everything. My brother and I are pretty chill. My brother has always said that brothers not letting friends date their sisters is creepy and possessive on the brother's part.

Like my brother's known about my feelings since like a year ago, he never really complained. Though I understand your reasoning too; he's actually teased some of his friends about whether or not they find me cute, and he's gotten some responses like "I'd never violate the bro code and date your sister, man! D:"

I bet he actually digs you.

My 20s self would have dug you.

You’ve got a good mind, and you’re pretty, too.

I think you handled that really well. I can imagine a lot of people would have very hurt by his behaviour - you laid out how you felt in a very clear and un-melodramatic way.

My first girlfriend asked me out, rather than the other way around. I liked her and said yes but I proceeded to pretty much avoid and ignore her for two weeks until she broke it off. I behaved in this way simply because I had no idea what to do with a pretty girl who liked me. I wasn't trying to be an as*hole, I was just out of my depth and scared and I didn't even know it at the time. People behave in weird ways for all sorts of reasons.

I don't know if that's what's going on here, but what you've done, by trying to open an honest dialogue with him is pretty much all you can do. He may or may not be able to respond honestly but if he can't it isn't your fault, he just might not be ready to deal with it.

Well he sent me a message that said "Oh s**t, I didn't explain myself. I meant that you could head over to my table when you were free since your table was full. I'd be happy to ttys. Let me know what day works for you."

Then he sent me his availability schedule.

He seems friendly, but has he actually picked up on the fact that I was kind of asking him out yet? Like who sends a date (or a friend, for that matter) their availability schedule?? But if he has picked up and he's not interested, can't he just tell me? Or is he really that dense?

Eh, you do know that Jewish people in general are some of the smartest people in the world?

Their ancestors (Sumerians/Babylonians) built the first cities on the planet - while the rest of the human race was still living in caves.

The smartest Human of the 20th century was Jewish (Albert Einstein).

Both of Einstein’s wives were also brilliant.

Jews have good genes and tend to be genetically-predisposed to having high-IQs.

They typically have good educations and know about sex just as much as anyone.

I’m sure her crush is a smart guy - but it looks like he might be on the Spectrum himself - seeing as how he seems to have some issues with his social skills on this matter.

I agree with you that his leaving her alone definitely wasn’t a sign of him snubbing her, but I wouldn’t write him off (or Jewish people in general) as being uneducated just because they are Jewish.

Last edited by Dog1 on 07 Feb 2021, 12:30 pm, edited 1 time in total.

He knows what’s going on - he’s just really, really shy.

His shyness indicates that he likes you. He’s just putting the ball in your court now.

Hello Whale Tune

just some of my thoughts on your predicament

Firstly, the religious thing may be partly to blame for the problems
I am from a loosely christian background, but not so serious that my folks go to church etc.
My ex-wife was a Jehovah Witness when i met her, and i went through hell in order to be with her due to the
extreme rules about hanging out with people who were not Jehovah Witnesses.

This may be a problem with the guy, as he may not be allowed to hang out with woman outside of his religion
and only be allowed to marry Jewish woman, this all depends on how serious he is about his religion (or how serious his parents are).

As for dating mates sisters. In hindsight. life is long, and you change your mates a fair bit over time.
Over time, sometimes you find the people who you thought were your mates, aren't

I would say dating mates sisters is a good idea, as the family already knows you, so don't have to worry as much about the potential partner being a complete douche bag

I didn't date my mates sisters because i knew this one particular mate
was troublesome and would end up ruining everything

in hind sight i wish i had dated all of them while i had the chance!... lol
anyway

you are very beautiful and have a high IQ etc.
I am sure you won't have major problems in life finding a date / boy friend

the worlds your oyster
unlike for many of us ASDs

He sent you his “availability schedule.”

He likes you.

I was just stating the obvious with my last post.

When it comes to serious long term relationships, I would say that it would be worth writing up a checklist that you would be wise to fulfil which will give you a higher chance of stress free relationships.

Not that all of the checklist needs to be fulfilled.
However, the less amounts of ticks on a checklists will likely equal to less amount of success.

I wish I had done that before I met my ex-wife, as looking back, if i had written a checklist,
almost all the list would have had big X's against them.

Yes. Worth considering. One of the list items would be "does potential partner belong to a religion that you do not belong to and is this religion tolerant of non-members?"

Both "Jews are not educated in sex" and "Jews have high IQ" are rasist statements as far as I'm concerned.

/Mats

I read that differently. It's like he's saying, yes I'll spend time with you, but I'm not going to *make* time for you, you'll have to fit yourself in around all the other stuff I have to do."

Much like the original date. There was an invite to come, but I'm going to be over here with my friends and you can come and be with us if you want, but I'm not going to make any special effort to make sure you're having a good time.

It's mixed signals to me. And it could be almost anything driving it. Social incompetence, emotional immaturity, ASD, some weird power game, a reluctance to be the bad guy and say 'no' directly. I don't think any of us have enough evidence to reach a solid conclusion. I guess it's up to the OP how far she wants to go in solving this mystery.

And I'm sorry to be discussing anyone's love life in such a weird way. But you did ask

Or maybe he has, like, Autism or something?