To het & bi women: Male virgins?
But you're still relatively inexperienced, and I gather that you still fear that most (nonreligious) women will judge you negatively for that.
Hopefully you will take this thread as evidence that that's likely not the case at least for women similar to those who frequent Wrong Planet (including autistic women and those NT women who are willing to have relationships with autistic men).
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- Autistic in NYC - Resources and new ideas for the autistic adult community in the New York City metro area.
- Autistic peer-led groups (via text-based chat, currently) led or facilitated by members of the Autistic Peer Leadership Group.
In some other topic, Hurtloam gave the explanation on why women may prefer non-virgins that finally makes sense to me.
It's not about proficiency. It's about being realistic.
Guys watch porn. If someone's knowledge on sex is limited to porn, then... ouch. Things people do in porn are usually painful in reality, especially for the woman.
But if you respect her, react to her and consider her needs and preferences, that shouldn't be a problem.
_________________
Let's not confuse being normal with being mentally healthy.
<not moderating PPR stuff concerning East Europe>
It's not about proficiency. It's about being realistic.
Guys watch porn. If someone's knowledge on sex is limited to porn, then... ouch. Things people do in porn are usually painful in reality, especially for the woman.
But if you respect her, react to her and consider her needs and preferences, that shouldn't be a problem.
I like to watch women get naked as much as the next guy, but I've always been rather turned off by all the "extreme" porn out there.
Experience doesn't necessarily dictate any kind of skill. Just because he's done it a lot, doesn't mean he's learned anything to enhance the experience. I'm sure there's plenty of men that think they're pretty good but the women would give him a "Meh" rating.
The only think that experience is assured to give a man is some comfort in doing it, and thus some confidence. Thus minimizing any "awkwardness".
Anything else; like tricks he may have learned, and an understanding of realistic (how real sex isn't like porn) is dependant on his ability to learn and be attentive/empathetic with his partner. Experienced men are more inclined to this simply from trial and error but it's not a given.
Personally for a relationship, I'd take a virgin over someone that has a large amount of experience.
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"Inside the heart of each and every one of us there is a longing to be understood by someone who really cares. When a person is understood, he or she can put up with almost anything in the world."
Poll results thus far:
1 vote (7%) for "I prefer a virgin, for religious reasons."
14 votes (93%) for "I don't care either way."
_________________
- Autistic in NYC - Resources and new ideas for the autistic adult community in the New York City metro area.
- Autistic peer-led groups (via text-based chat, currently) led or facilitated by members of the Autistic Peer Leadership Group.
Much of what I've read on WP is contrary to my experience. For me, losing my virginity at 20 (and I was probably rather lucky to have done so at that age) was a huge turning point in my life. In fact, any time I come across the topic of the year in which that happened, I unavoidably think of the significance.
When I was 23, somebody a couple of years younger than I outright propositioned me simply because she was horny and, I believe, thought I was somebody she could easily dump once she'd gotten her urges satisfied, given that she thought me about the most annoying person she'd ever met. Given that poor assessment of my social skills, it seems ironic that she assumed I'd know what to do once we got to her room, as all she wanted was to do the deed (using a condom) without any sort of preliminaries. Were I not experienced, the encounter would probably have turned farcical, although in retrospect it's debatable whether I was fortunate in the long run that things went so well.
Having disagreed that losing one's virginity is no big deal, an idea largely promoted by people who are sex-negative to some degree anyway (which seems way more widespread on WP than in the general population), I am sorry to admit I don't have much advice to help men achieve this. Unfortunately looks, plus giving some expectation of having a financially independent future, play a role. In my case, dogged persistence had a lot to do with it.
I have more advice for women. If the guy is on the spectrum, or even just conforms to that stereotype, your approach, once you've decided you're interested, should be the exact opposite of the Hollywood ideal of a passionate encounter. You should make your intentions clear at the outset, but also make clear that you don't expect the guy to "perform" or that full penetrative sex need be on the agenda the first time.
When I was 23, somebody a couple of years younger than I outright propositioned me simply because she was horny and, I believe, thought I was somebody she could easily dump once she'd gotten her urges satisfied, given that she thought me about the most annoying person she'd ever met. Given that poor assessment of my social skills, it seems ironic that she assumed I'd know what to do once we got to her room, as all she wanted was to do the deed (using a condom) without any sort of preliminaries. Were I not experienced, the encounter would probably have turned farcical, although in retrospect it's debatable whether I was fortunate in the long run that things went so well.
Having disagreed that losing one's virginity is no big deal, an idea largely promoted by people who are sex-negative to some degree anyway (which seems way more widespread on WP than in the general population), I am sorry to admit I don't have much advice to help men achieve this. Unfortunately looks, plus giving some expectation of having a financially independent future, play a role. In my case, dogged persistence had a lot to do with it.
I have more advice for women. If the guy is on the spectrum, or even just conforms to that stereotype, your approach, once you've decided you're interested, should be the exact opposite of the Hollywood ideal of a passionate encounter. You should make your intentions clear at the outset, but also make clear that you don't expect the guy to "perform" or that full penetrative sex need be on the agenda the first time.
This
I didn't lose my virginity until I was 28. It was just once and I have not had sex since then. My ex-fiancé refused to have intercourse with me. She would have me perform oral on her but never reciprocated. According to my therapist, that was a way to hold power over me.
There's a very fine line between dogged persistence and harassment.
Every time I hear someone giving advice to women about how to date an aspie, I can't help thinking why wouldn't she just date an NT instead? And I don't have any trouble getting into the physical act of sex; it's the communication element I always struggle with. I can never get a woman into bed.
The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 42
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,083
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
When I was 23, somebody a couple of years younger than I outright propositioned me simply because she was horny and, I believe, thought I was somebody she could easily dump once she'd gotten her urges satisfied, given that she thought me about the most annoying person she'd ever met. Given that poor assessment of my social skills, it seems ironic that she assumed I'd know what to do once we got to her room, as all she wanted was to do the deed (using a condom) without any sort of preliminaries. Were I not experienced, the encounter would probably have turned farcical, although in retrospect it's debatable whether I was fortunate in the long run that things went so well.
Having disagreed that losing one's virginity is no big deal, an idea largely promoted by people who are sex-negative to some degree anyway (which seems way more widespread on WP than in the general population), I am sorry to admit I don't have much advice to help men achieve this. Unfortunately looks, plus giving some expectation of having a financially independent future, play a role. In my case, dogged persistence had a lot to do with it.
I have more advice for women. If the guy is on the spectrum, or even just conforms to that stereotype, your approach, once you've decided you're interested, should be the exact opposite of the Hollywood ideal of a passionate encounter. You should make your intentions clear at the outset, but also make clear that you don't expect the guy to "perform" or that full penetrative sex need be on the agenda the first time.
I suspect people tend to be idealistic in polls, especially in a non very anonymous environment.
Once impulses and hormones got involved in real life situations, things may be very different.
Of course not, but hopefully it is somewhat representative of the kinds of women who post on WP, i.e. autistic women and NT partners of autistic people. In other words, the kinds of women who otherwise are relatively likely to accept you.
Anyhow, current poll results are:
- 1 vote (6%) for "I prefer a virgin, for religious reasons."
- 1 vote (6%) for "I prefer a virgin, for non-rreligious reasons."
- 14 votes (88%) for "I don't care either way."
_________________
- Autistic in NYC - Resources and new ideas for the autistic adult community in the New York City metro area.
- Autistic peer-led groups (via text-based chat, currently) led or facilitated by members of the Autistic Peer Leadership Group.
Most likely, because she just happens to be attracted to the specific person, for whatever reason or combination of reasons.
Or perhaps she had a physical problem with PIV? In any case, it appears that you and she were not compatible.
_________________
- Autistic in NYC - Resources and new ideas for the autistic adult community in the New York City metro area.
- Autistic peer-led groups (via text-based chat, currently) led or facilitated by members of the Autistic Peer Leadership Group.
Dogged persistence in this case means continuing to pursue any potential partners, seeking opportunities to meet new ones, and not giving up. Not continuing to press those who had shown no interest. It helped that over time I got better at identifying which women were likely available and potentially interested.
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