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Would You Date Someone Who Wanted To Wait Till Marriage?

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Would you date someone who wanted to wait until marriage to have sex?
I'm a man and yes 30%  30%  [ 8 ]
I'm a man and no 33%  33%  [ 9 ]
I'm a woman and yes 15%  15%  [ 4 ]
I'm a woman and no 15%  15%  [ 4 ]
Show me the results. 7%  7%  [ 2 ]
Total votes : 27

funeralxempire
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02 May 2021, 5:31 pm

DW_a_mom wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
DW_a_mom wrote:
HeroOfHyrule wrote:
I picked "no" because I don't want to marry someone and then find out that we're sexually incompatible. Doesn't seem like a good idea to me.

I also don't know if I'd ever actually consider marrying someone, so if wanted to wait until then I'd probably never have sex. :P


I remember dating men who thought that way. I wasn't a "have to wait until marriage," but I still get frustrated and angry with the attitude of "testing." One simple reason: intimate relationships can and do develop, grow and change; so discarding someone because of one bad test run is foolish, unfair, and hurtful.


It's really not unfair for one to feel their efforts would be better invested else where. One is always entitled to make that decision for themselves. Why should someone feel obliged to keep investing in what they've already determined isn't a worthwhile investment?


Because odds are very good they are wrong. I'm not saying anyone is obligated, but I am saying you hurt yourself and your own prospects by making such a decision with limited data.

I'll be blunt: I was in a situation like that. Everything about when and how the first encounter happened was wrong, wrong, wrong. He moves away but years later comes through town, gets in touch, and we have lunch. He asks me about my life and I end up talking about my latest relationship which was, well, quite intense. He was shocked, confused, and sad. He had never considered how the circumstances might have affected our long ago encounter. I could see the regret on his face, but it was too late, we had taken very different paths by then.

It was really stupid that neither of us was smart enough to talk about it at the time. That we weren't comfortable enough to do so was probably indicative of why we might never have worked, anyway, but transfer all that into a more promising relationship and, well, it can be a large loss.

People need to know that intimacy evolves. Allow for that. It also isn't a constant; it has moods and variations.


Maybe that's what was best for you and your specific situation, but how do you know what was right for you is right for some stranger and their specific situation?


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02 May 2021, 5:41 pm

In my opinion, it's not just a question of "would you wait to start a sexual relationship?"

Another important question is "would you stay with someone who lost their libido?"

What happens to these couples where one person loses interest over time because of trauma, hormonal changes, mental health, prescription chemistry, medical issues, ageing, childbirth, parenting, stress, menopause, or andropause? What if they just plain lose interest? That's a question which deserves some attention too, but I don't want to derail the OP.


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02 May 2021, 5:46 pm

Muse933277 wrote:
Would you date someone who waited to wait until marriage to have sex?
Consider the opposite: "Would you date someone who has had sex with many other partners already?"



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02 May 2021, 6:04 pm

No, I think it is better to find if you even have any sexual compatibility before taking things so far as marriage.


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DW_a_mom
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02 May 2021, 6:14 pm

funeralxempire wrote:
DW_a_mom wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
DW_a_mom wrote:
HeroOfHyrule wrote:
I picked "no" because I don't want to marry someone and then find out that we're sexually incompatible. Doesn't seem like a good idea to me.

I also don't know if I'd ever actually consider marrying someone, so if wanted to wait until then I'd probably never have sex. :P


I remember dating men who thought that way. I wasn't a "have to wait until marriage," but I still get frustrated and angry with the attitude of "testing." One simple reason: intimate relationships can and do develop, grow and change; so discarding someone because of one bad test run is foolish, unfair, and hurtful.


It's really not unfair for one to feel their efforts would be better invested else where. One is always entitled to make that decision for themselves. Why should someone feel obliged to keep investing in what they've already determined isn't a worthwhile investment?


Because odds are very good they are wrong. I'm not saying anyone is obligated, but I am saying you hurt yourself and your own prospects by making such a decision with limited data.

I'll be blunt: I was in a situation like that. Everything about when and how the first encounter happened was wrong, wrong, wrong. He moves away but years later comes through town, gets in touch, and we have lunch. He asks me about my life and I end up talking about my latest relationship which was, well, quite intense. He was shocked, confused, and sad. He had never considered how the circumstances might have affected our long ago encounter. I could see the regret on his face, but it was too late, we had taken very different paths by then.

It was really stupid that neither of us was smart enough to talk about it at the time. That we weren't comfortable enough to do so was probably indicative of why we might never have worked, anyway, but transfer all that into a more promising relationship and, well, it can be a large loss.

People need to know that intimacy evolves. Allow for that. It also isn't a constant; it has moods and variations.


Maybe that's what was best for you and your specific situation, but how do you know what was right for you is right for some stranger and their specific situation?


I don't, but I provide information I believe may be relevant and too often ignored.

When you have an intimate encounter with someone, you are asking them to be vulnerable and give a lot of themselves that is private and personal. To get to that point and then walk away based on some flawed preconceived notion is rude and inconsiderate. Sure, there are plenty of people who run through life being rude and inconsiderate without ever giving it a second thought, but anything I can do to convince the members here not to be like that, I will.

I sincerely do not believe that anyone can accurately make a negative decision on sexual compatibility based on one encounter. I have a lot more than my story to back the conclusion up. Do with that information what you will.


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funeralxempire
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02 May 2021, 6:21 pm

DW_a_mom wrote:
I sincerely do not believe that anyone can accurately make a negative decision on sexual compatibility based on one encounter. I have a lot more than my story to back the conclusion up. Do with that information what you will.


I'm not sure how this is even relevant to what I said but it indicates that you're arguing against something that was never actually said. Enjoy your windmill jousting.


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DW_a_mom
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02 May 2021, 6:22 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:
In my opinion, it's not just a question of "would you wait to start a sexual relationship?"

Another important question is "would you stay with someone who lost their libido?"

What happens to these couples where one person loses interest over time because of trauma, hormonal changes, mental health, prescription chemistry, medical issues, ageing, childbirth, parenting, stress, menopause, or andropause? What if they just plain lose interest? That's a question which deserves some attention too, but I don't want to derail the OP.


For me, the answer to that would be yes. The things that bind a couple together go so very far beyond libido. Or, anyway, I would hope they do. They most certainly do in my 25+ year marriage.

But I do think ages and life stages and the varying foundations of different relationships will come into play with this one. I'm not sure anyone really knows until they have found "the one" what might or might not break the bond, because until you have the bond how do you know what it's built on?


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DW_a_mom
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02 May 2021, 6:23 pm

funeralxempire wrote:
DW_a_mom wrote:
I sincerely do not believe that anyone can accurately make a negative decision on sexual compatibility based on one encounter. I have a lot more than my story to back the conclusion up. Do with that information what you will.


I'm not sure how this is even relevant to what I said but it indicates that you're arguing against something that was never actually said. Enjoy your windmill jousting.


I'm not arguing, I'm providing a perspective related to the overall conversation. If you see that as windmill jousting, so be it.


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02 May 2021, 6:43 pm

DW_a_mom wrote:

I sincerely do not believe that anyone can accurately make a negative decision on sexual compatibility based on one encounter. I have a lot more than my story to back the conclusion up. Do with that information what you will.


Well of course you can't accurately make that call based on one sexual encounter. Part of the sexual compatibility is being able to deal with it when the sex goes wrong without that ruining the relationship.

I think people were more suggesting being in a serious relationship where you are having sex before taking the step of marriage not meeting someone and then just having sex one time to determine if it should be lasting or not. Probably, good to know before marriage if the person is mature enough to not walk out suddenly if the sex isn't great every time.


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02 May 2021, 7:03 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
DW_a_mom wrote:

I sincerely do not believe that anyone can accurately make a negative decision on sexual compatibility based on one encounter. I have a lot more than my story to back the conclusion up. Do with that information what you will.


Well of course you can't accurately make that call based on one sexual encounter. Part of the sexual compatibility is being able to deal with it when the sex goes wrong without that ruining the relationship.

I think people were more suggesting being in a serious relationship where you are having sex before taking the step of marriage not meeting someone and then just having sex one time to determine if it should be lasting or not. Probably, good to know before marriage if the person is mature enough to not walk out suddenly if the sex isn't great every time.

This is exactly what I was suggesting and I don't get the confusion with this at all. lol



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02 May 2021, 7:29 pm

My ex-wife and I waited till we were married. We did fool around a little just before we got married. I was a virgin and she wasn't, she was a bit older than me. I am happy I lost my virginity to whom it was lost to, but I don't think we gained anything from waiting. If I had to do it again, I don't think I would want to wait again. I would want to be with the one I love and cherish cementing our bonds in that special way though I would certainly take my partners wishes into deep consideration.


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02 May 2021, 11:02 pm

I would only date someone who wanted to wait until marriage.


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03 May 2021, 12:04 am

HeroOfHyrule wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
DW_a_mom wrote:

I sincerely do not believe that anyone can accurately make a negative decision on sexual compatibility based on one encounter. I have a lot more than my story to back the conclusion up. Do with that information what you will.


Well of course you can't accurately make that call based on one sexual encounter. Part of the sexual compatibility is being able to deal with it when the sex goes wrong without that ruining the relationship.

I think people were more suggesting being in a serious relationship where you are having sex before taking the step of marriage not meeting someone and then just having sex one time to determine if it should be lasting or not. Probably, good to know before marriage if the person is mature enough to not walk out suddenly if the sex isn't great every time.

This is exactly what I was suggesting and I don't get the confusion with this at all. lol


Glad to hear it, but I do know plenty of people who have walked away if the sex wasn't mind blowing the first time. It happens. I cannot know what any one person means when they talk about checking compatibility first unless they specify. I try to never assume.


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funeralxempire
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03 May 2021, 12:11 am

DW_a_mom wrote:
HeroOfHyrule wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
DW_a_mom wrote:

I sincerely do not believe that anyone can accurately make a negative decision on sexual compatibility based on one encounter. I have a lot more than my story to back the conclusion up. Do with that information what you will.


Well of course you can't accurately make that call based on one sexual encounter. Part of the sexual compatibility is being able to deal with it when the sex goes wrong without that ruining the relationship.

I think people were more suggesting being in a serious relationship where you are having sex before taking the step of marriage not meeting someone and then just having sex one time to determine if it should be lasting or not. Probably, good to know before marriage if the person is mature enough to not walk out suddenly if the sex isn't great every time.

This is exactly what I was suggesting and I don't get the confusion with this at all. lol


Glad to hear it, but I do know plenty of people who have walked away if the sex wasn't mind blowing the first time. It happens. I cannot know what any one person means when they talk about checking compatibility first unless they specify. I try to never assume.


I wasn't suggesting to walk away if things weren't perfect, but you did seem to assume. :nerdy:

That's why you should attempt many times before committing. :evil:


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03 May 2021, 12:30 am

A women waiting till marriage for sex woulda been kinda appealing to me. I'm sorta on the asexuality spectrum thou & I don't like the idea of myself having sex outside of a serious romantic relationship. I never did anything sexual with anyone outside of cybering with both my exes until me & my current girlfriend moved in together at 30. I was very frustrated about being single for 8 years straight due to loneliness. I would very much rather a serious relationship with no sex than having casual sex or having a friends with benefits thing with someone I only see for sex. It's been a couple years since me & my girlfriend did anything sexual together due to her health issues & I'm not that bothered. I deal with it in other ways including meds & porn.


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03 May 2021, 12:36 am

I definitely WOULD NOT want to wait until marriage to have sex, that would be an instant deal-breaker for me.

For one thing, marriage is something I don't want to rush into, which means i'd probably have to be dating someone for 3-5 years before I even consider spending the rest of my life with them. I don't want to wait at least 3 years to have sex with a girl.


Secondly, i'm not even sure if I want to get married. Marriage is something that you really want to think long and hard about because you're spending the rest of your life with that person (assuming you don't get divorced) And I don't know about you all but spending 30+ years with someone is a long time so you better get it right, that's all I have to say.