Does Anyone Else Just NOT Do Online Dating?
Did it for a while and just quit it last year. It was a dead end for me. I just prefer meeting people in person. Which is good because I put more effort into socializing and improve my social skills in the process. Besides, online dating is more akin to window shopping than actually purchasing something, pardon my analogy lol
I've never used dating sites, but I've made a couple friends online that I eventually had romantic relationships with.
Honestly, I never want to have another long distance relationship, especially not one with someone I met online. In my experience trying to get out of a relationship like that is hell, partly because the kind of people willing to date online are usually desperate, and may be desperate enough to try to manipulate others into staying in relationships with them (that's not a dig at anyone who likes dating online, by the way, but that's my experience...).
Gentleman Argentum
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Honestly, I never want to have another long distance relationship, especially not one with someone I met online. In my experience trying to get out of a relationship like that is hell, partly because the kind of people willing to date online are usually desperate, and may be desperate enough to try to manipulate others into staying in relationships with them (that's not a dig at anyone who likes dating online, by the way, but that's my experience...).
Did you share nudes?
That's one thing I've never done, but from what I understand, the younger generations have a more open-minded view on that sort of thing. I'd be hesitant even to unbutton my shirt.
The Internet never forgets!
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My magical motto is Animus facit nobilem. I like to read fantasy and weird fiction. Just a few of my favorite online things: music, chess, and dungeon crawl stone soup.
Honestly, I never want to have another long distance relationship, especially not one with someone I met online. In my experience trying to get out of a relationship like that is hell, partly because the kind of people willing to date online are usually desperate, and may be desperate enough to try to manipulate others into staying in relationships with them (that's not a dig at anyone who likes dating online, by the way, but that's my experience...).
Did you share nudes?
That's one thing I've never done, but from what I understand, the younger generations have a more open-minded view on that sort of thing. I'd be hesitant even to unbutton my shirt.
The Internet never forgets!
No. lol
I don't think I'd ever even take a nude picture of myself. I think having that stuff on a phone/computer is just a bad idea, even if you don't send it to anyone.
Gentleman Argentum
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Joined: 24 Aug 2019
Age: 55
Gender: Male
Posts: 985
Location: State of Euphoria
Honestly, I never want to have another long distance relationship, especially not one with someone I met online. In my experience trying to get out of a relationship like that is hell, partly because the kind of people willing to date online are usually desperate, and may be desperate enough to try to manipulate others into staying in relationships with them (that's not a dig at anyone who likes dating online, by the way, but that's my experience...).
Did you share nudes?
That's one thing I've never done, but from what I understand, the younger generations have a more open-minded view on that sort of thing. I'd be hesitant even to unbutton my shirt.
The Internet never forgets!
No. lol
I don't think I'd ever even take a nude picture of myself. I think having that stuff on a phone/computer is just a bad idea, even if you don't send it to anyone.
Very good.
Your grade: A+
Keep up the good thinking, young man!
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My magical motto is Animus facit nobilem. I like to read fantasy and weird fiction. Just a few of my favorite online things: music, chess, and dungeon crawl stone soup.
Sweetleaf
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And tbh I have never gone through with it except for one time. Just because I tend to think about the safety implications.
To me there is just no way of knowing who you are really talking to online. And what exactly they are like.
Emotions often get intense online as well, so people get emotionally attached to someone they don’t really know (I really don’t myself tbh).
To me there is no way to know if someone is, say, a rapist/abusive or not based off of talking to them online. And if they have gotten you emotionally attached to them while talking online it is easier for them to become abusive when you meet IRL.
Anyone else like this?
No, honestly I am not sure how I would have met a boyfriend without using dating sites. To me felt safer to talk to someone a little bit before going to physically meet them. Of course not fool proof I still got various disappointments first but then I did meet my boyfriend and we've been together close to like 6 years now.
But yeah I just don't know if I would have been as successful in getting a relationship finally by avoiding that, to me it seemed like a miraculous work around. Like it was an option outside of just going outside and hoping a guy who could be a potential relationship partner would just notice me out of the blue and make a move.
But also I didn't get attached to guys before meeting, I was never into like even attempting a long distance relationship over online. I speicially used the dating site as a tool to talk to guys before meeting them, but yeah I rejected any and all attempts of like anything long distance because for me at least it was important to meet people who where possible to actually physically meet because to me it felt like without a physical meeting of actually seeing the person in person face to face, it couldn't be real. I figured you can't actually have a real relationship just online with a person you've never met in person. So yeah I did not online date anyone on the dating site, just used it as a way to talk a little first before meeting in person.
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We won't go back.
Tinder works best for men who are an 8+ in the looks department. If you're a 6 or 7, you could be successful if you put in the work and are willing to deal with a lot of rejection before being successful.
If you're a 5 or below, don't even bother signing up. You simply won't get enough matches so even getting a date is going to be very very hard.
If you're a woman, just be under 300 pounds, and you'll get a date no problem.
Gentleman Argentum
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If you're a 5 or below, don't even bother signing up. You simply won't get enough matches so even getting a date is going to be very very hard.
If you're a woman, just be under 300 pounds, and you'll get a date no problem.
This is accurate, although you neglect age. Women usually post a profile picture from 10+ years ago. I have seriously seen photos from 2003, 2001 in the past few weeks.
The dating sites truly are time-wasters, but they are better than nothing, and it is possible to get in touch with some cool people. Just lower your expectations. I am talking both about looks and about behavior. Also, don't log in every day, and don't put too much effort into messaging women. Put effort into your profile and your profile pictures. That is the most important thing of all.
If you don't sound good and look good, ain't nobody gonna message you.
Also - don't expect to hit it off with more than 1 woman every 3-4 months. That is more or less my rate. I just accept that there will be dry spells, weekends with no phone call and no date.
I'm in love again, even. but this time have learned more about how to manage that emotion.
_________________
My magical motto is Animus facit nobilem. I like to read fantasy and weird fiction. Just a few of my favorite online things: music, chess, and dungeon crawl stone soup.
I've tried and failed with online dating numerous times, now I claim I've given it up but we'll see if that lasts.
It is challenging. On one hand, online dating is meant to make intentions clear from the start, so theoretically if you were seeking out a relationship on an app meant for relationships you should have better luck than others. However, people are much more complicated than that and seem to have varying degrees of interest compounded by the varying degrees of how much interest you're "supposed to" show.
Ambiguity of relationships is always a challenge, so maybe online dating is not necessarily worse but just a different type of tough (for me!).
There are also incredible risks in meeting people online and when you meet someone under the pretense of some sort of romantic encounter, there's the risk of mistakenly conveying the wrong idea about what level of physical / sexual intimacy you may expect. Or worse, there's the risk that they don't care at all about your boundaries.
Sorry, I feel weird having said all that. Point being, you aren't the only one who doesn't do online dating! I'm hoping that soon I'll be more comfortable with meeting people and possibly pursuing a relationship, but an app isn't part of my plan.
christinejarvis21
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I have tried but it hasn't worked out for me. But, the only problem is that I really don't go out much and have some social anxiety as well as generalized anxiety so having a lot of friends and making new friends in person is hard for me because I get very bad anxiety around big groups of people or meeting a new person.
nick007
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Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in capitalistic military dictatorship called USA
No offence taken! I didn't think you were contradicting me, and I knew that you meant WP members had met their partners on regular dating sites. That's awesome! I'm just very shy, and traumatised, and I wouldn't have the balls to try it.
When you mentioned WP it made me realise that there are couples who were both members on here. Even though there can be predatory behaviour on a forum, in my opinion it's still safer than a dating site. We kind of all know each other here, and there are moderators we trust. I assume most people on here talk on the open public forum for quite a while before talking privately or meeting. I think if one of our members really screwed someone around, or abused them, they'd have to answer to us all. We all kind of have each other's back and there's more accountability. Mods can also check IP addresses and ferret out any trolls and creeps. It seems like a bit more of a safety net (in my opinion) than traditional dating sites where the people seem to come and go more anonymously.
Your post made me stop and realise that I should rephrase my answer.
I do agree that forums can potentially be safer than dating sites & that there can be LOTS of risk involved with meeting people online in general. However there can be LOTS of risk meeting people offline as well. I seen lots of real life crime shows & mysteries where couples had met offline & one of them was a con-artist or black-widow. I also known various people who had met their partners offline by various methods & their partner was an abuser & user who majorly screwed them over & hurt them.
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Btw as you were talking about risk factor for girls, I can't imagine how it is to be a girl because I'm a dude but I think you're right to be better safe than sorry. In that regard I think you should watch the Netflix show "clickbait" (if you like crime drama of course) because it has something to do with dating apps - not gonna do anymore spoilers.
Gentleman Argentum
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Online dating works great for me. I don't know about you guys, but if it were not for online dating, I would never go out on dates at all.
When you work full-time and have at lot of at-home interests and hobbies, there is not much time left over for "go to bar and wait for something to happen night after night." That is great idea for the grossly obese who love sitting in place in a chair all night long cradling a glass but I am more active.
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My magical motto is Animus facit nobilem. I like to read fantasy and weird fiction. Just a few of my favorite online things: music, chess, and dungeon crawl stone soup.
nick007
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Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in capitalistic military dictatorship called USA
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