The truth about how love and attraction really work

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Can you post a photo of you?

I'd rather not dox myself.

Excessive weight gain aside, my looks have never been the problem. I've been complimented for my looks many times, especially online when all women see of me is my photos.

Then do a video call with Mona Pereth, let her evaluate your communication.

I don't do video calls, nor do I provide any relevant professional service.

If he lived in NYC he could (after the COVID crisis is finally over with) attend various local support groups and maybe get some feedback from various people here.

How attraction works is individual and also related to neurotype. Autistic people tend to get attached based on persistence while neurotypical tend to evaluate social traits. So, if you try to chase neurotypical women you should have attractive social properties to get her interest. Something few autistics actually have.

Autistic people can easily probe potential interest with quick glances (the eye contact game), while neurotypical people have other signals of interest. To avoid extensive rejection autistic people should pay attention to this and avoid asking out or getting too much into people when there is no mutual interest.

So my thoughts are around the same as Mona's and OkaySometimes. How love and attraction functions isn't entirely the same for everyone and can vary upon situation. This kind of description of 'how it works' is overly simplistic.

I can't speak for others but my emotions and attraction doesn't work that simply. When I meet someone I do make a quick evaluation of them(first impression) and that does include their looks/attractiveness BUT it doesn't have anything to do with whether I'd go to bed with them or not. Because I do this for everyone; man, child, elderly etc.

Another piece is the fact that even if I think someone is physically attractive, it doesn't mean that I am attracted. Then even if I do feel an attraction to their looks, it doesn't mean I'm interested sexually at that point. It sometimes can take me awhile to decide if I find someone attractive or not too...and what I find attractive isn't necessarily a fixed thing either.

In the end I'd say you're right in terms of people picking a partner they find attractive over someone they think looks like a bug's crotch even if they are nice. But there is all kinds of middle ground (grey area). Initially we might think someone is fantastic looking and be attracted but if we find that their other traits (personality, conduct etc) are to our dislike, you can find that they no longer look as physically appealing. The vise versa is possible also.

I'm sure you're referring to Tiddy Roosevelt, the guy on Mt. Rushmore.

I've learned this trick. When I feel that there is no mutual interest, I let the

There is nothing fundamentally wrong with you. Due to environment and lifestyle we create for ourselves our inner chimp is dormant. It would be the same with any other "normal" person.

Great. It will spare you a lot of unnecessary suffering.

I don't have a chimp inside me, and no NT either.

You do unless you are a computer simulation. Humans are essentially just "smarter" chimps. And we are not that smart either, our brains are good at rationalizing what our body decides for us.

Beauty standards actually are culturally determined to some degree.

See:

- Beauty Standards: See How Body Types Change Through History
- The Evolution of Female Beauty Standards Throughout History

For example, in poor countries, fat is beautiful, because it means you at least have enough to eat. On the other hand, it wealthier countries, thin is beautiful, because being thin is seen as a sign of self-discipline, and a sign of being able to afford healthy food rather than just bread and junk food.

The only problem is that the interest never has and never will be mutual with any woman I've ever met. And that means I'll be alone forever.

How come? That would mean that every animal that does not feel like a chimp must be a computer simulation. Clearly a false claim.



Chimps are at best distant cousins, and as such are not the archetype of human behavior. Evolution doesn't propose that some species just stay "old" and that other species evolved from them. Instead, both humans and chimps have evolved from a common ancestor, and we don't know how that ancestor behaved. Claiming that it was similar to a chimp is a false claim.



Right, but the biases are species-typical and are not the same between chimp, autistics & NTs. That's why chimp, autistics & NTs don't have the same standards for what is attractive.

There are certainly autistic folks who do have “NT” standards as to who they find attractive.