Dating people with similar interests

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I find opinions a lot less
important than interests,
though. But, I KNOW that
I couldn't handle what the
average person seems to
like to chat about.

Beyond certain non-negotiables, yes, this is quite true.

I'd say respect thereof, I wouldn't want someone who's too much like me - just in the sense that we'd have fewer horizons to broaden for each other.

Certain non-negotiables... like an "interest" in having sex with children or a "belief" that all non-whites are inferior, you mean?

Different people have different key
issues. I'm not positive that either
of those would be absolute death
knells to my own calls, even if
I find them distasteful.

It gets pretty exhausting to have someone forever trying to broaden your horizons when you're at home and you just want to relax a bit in your sanctuary.

Too much hiding though, can kill a relationship.
I know from experience.

What's hiding? You can be together and enjoy the things you separately enjoy...

Forcing your partner into enjoying something they really don't want to be a part of is very annoying. If they want to participate because they care about you... okay that's fine in a good relationship. Likewise, caring for the other also means you should know that they probably won't like doing this... so I am not going to force it.

But I also agree with techstep... being in a relationship where the partner is showing you something new that you can enjoy.

Which I guess is another reason why you should look for someone with a similar personality, so the things that are different you have a better chance of growing into.

The easiest way to know if you have similar personalities is through interests....

I was referring only to a frightening
sign I saw from the concept of sanctuary.

Ah, even the closest couple needs time apart
from one another, but hiding from the world,
in just such a sanctuary, caused me to withdraw
from it, and bring nothing new into my relationship.

Isn't that a problem with the use of a sanctuary and not with the sanctuary in and of itself?

I could see someone becoming so obsessed over loving their partner that nothing else exists in the world. They would barely exist as a person anymore... just an empty, affectionate shell.

Indeed. I wasn't blaming her for this.
Nor was she my sanctuary.

I'm not convinced that a pairing where
both were that way is wrong. But, it
doesn't tend to last. Reality intervenes.

By sanctuary I didn't mean refuge away from all social interaction, including with one's family.

I meant that home should feel safe.

It's nice to learn new things from one's spouse, I imagine. But you can also learn new things from classes and books and outside experiences. At the end of a long hard day's work, you want to come home to someone who mostly understands you. There will still be challenges and "broadening of horizons", but basic communication shouldn't be a struggle. It sounds romantic for two very different people to unite, but in practice it's not so sweet.

Well yeah, you'd probably want someone who's enough of at least a partial introvert to at least know how to chill and how to let you chill. I'm thinking more along the lines of someone who's into similar kinds of things but possibly a different facet all together. If someone was trying to drag me out to sporting events or nascar races all the time, while I'm ok with it here and there, I'd get tired of it pretty quick. If someone was real into music and liked deeper stuff but just a different genre than I was exposed to - especially something that I always kinda liked but never really found enough push to explore on my own, same goes for hobbies, that's kinda my ideal train of thought on that.

On the sanctuary bit I find myself using those exact same words for my alone time and my personal space. I think in your case and mine we just need to stay away from people who are clingy, needy, or controlling - that'll wreck our program. It seems with the more women I talk to, maybe its just the fact that I'm talking more to mid-20's than early 20's now, but I'm seeing so many more people who are starting to have their heads on straight about expectations of life, relationships, and those I think are really the keepers and the people you'd want to work through things with because you know they have a real world perspective themselves, will do the same for you, and I think that's about the time where you have fewer people running around chasing illusions - partly because I think for the first time people are starting to see their bodies begin to age, that sense of mortality is starting to kick in, and things are getting real.

I am not only interested in finding a mate, but I am trying to find the perfect mate.

Tim

I could easily learn to like anything they were into, and I would not expect them to try to like my interests.

I would love to meet someone who is a fellow cat and animal lover, someone who, like me, has had pets all his life and cares about them.