How a romantic relationship is distinct from a friendship
The point of these "identities" is simply to have a way of identifying like-minded people -- or, at least, people who are like you in one important way (though they might be very different from you in other ways).
If almost everyone you knew walked on their hands and was constantly bugging you about why you don't walk on your hands, then you might make a point of seeking out the few other people you knew who don't walk on their hands. And, if such were the case, that would be the point of an "a-handstand identity."
Fortunately, we don't live in a world like that, so there's no need for an "a-handstand identity."
_________________
- Autistic in NYC - Resources and new ideas for the autistic adult community in the New York City metro area.
- Autistic peer-led groups (via text-based chat, currently) led or facilitated by members of the Autistic Peer Leadership Group.
- My Twitter / "X" (new as of 2021)
StrayCat81
Sea Gull
Joined: 24 Jul 2021
Age: 43
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 214
Location: Wellington, New Zealand
Hmm, you sure it's not more about validation and feeling of belonging? Whenever I see people discovering asexual or autism or similar, they inevitably write "I felt like I was broken but now I found a label so I feel valid" kind of nonsense...
dragonsanddemons
Veteran
Joined: 19 Mar 2011
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 6,659
Location: The Labyrinth of Leviathan
The point of these "identities" is simply to have a way of identifying like-minded people -- or, at least, people who are like you in one important way (though they might be very different from you in other ways).
If almost everyone you knew walked on their hands and was constantly bugging you about why you don't walk on your hands, then you might make a point of seeking out the few other people you knew who don't walk on their hands. And, if such were the case, that would be the point of an "a-handstand identity."
Fortunately, we don't live in a world like that, so there's no need for an "a-handstand identity."
It would be pertinent when around others, yes, but I think of “identity” more as who/what I am without the influence of others, more like my core being. When I’m alone, I’m not constantly reminded of that difference. But it is still an important distinction to make in a social setting. I think in that post I didn’t really say what I’d intended to say
_________________
Yet in my new wildness and freedom I almost welcome the bitterness of alienage. For although nepenthe has calmed me, I know always that I am an outsider; a stranger in this century and among those who are still men.
-H. P. Lovecraft, "The Outsider"
StrayCat81
Sea Gull
Joined: 24 Jul 2021
Age: 43
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 214
Location: Wellington, New Zealand
Actually, now I'm curious, since you have no fancy "social" identity, how do you describe yourself to others? Or maybe, hmm, how do you understand yourself? Not sure which question is better, just tried to be maximally open here.
Not trying to suggest that that’s necessarily wrong, I honestly have no clue.
Different people use the word "romantic" to mean different things. Apparently some people don't experience sexual/erotic attraction and/or don't desire sexual/erotic activity, but nevertheless desire other aspects of a romantic relationship such as physical affection/intimacy, a strong emotional connection, and a longterm commitment. Some of these people describe the desired relationship as "romantic but not sexual."
_________________
- Autistic in NYC - Resources and new ideas for the autistic adult community in the New York City metro area.
- Autistic peer-led groups (via text-based chat, currently) led or facilitated by members of the Autistic Peer Leadership Group.
- My Twitter / "X" (new as of 2021)
nick007
Veteran
Joined: 4 May 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 27,593
Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in capitalistic police state called USA
I think a life partnership is somebody that I've made some kinda commitment with each other. It does not have to be a marriage commitment but we've both agreed to be together long term & are living together or we both majorly want to live together but cant currently due to various circumstances like school or work. I think a serious romantic relationship involves being very close with somebody like we are each other's best friend but we are also very affectionate with each other. The affection does not have to be sexual but it can include that. We've also both decided to be an official couple like boyfriend & girlfriend. A non-serious romantic relationship is somebody that I'm in the very early stages of a relationship with. We are both kinda trying to feel each other out & get to know each other & are not sure if we want to be an official couple yet.
_________________
"I don't have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem!"
"Hear all, trust nothing"
https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Ru ... cquisition
dragonsanddemons
Veteran
Joined: 19 Mar 2011
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 6,659
Location: The Labyrinth of Leviathan
Actually, now I'm curious, since you have no fancy "social" identity, how do you describe yourself to others? Or maybe, hmm, how do you understand yourself? Not sure which question is better, just tried to be maximally open here.
This isn’t really stuff I usually think all that much about, sorry if my answers are a bit clumsy.
I tend to view things even about myself as simply facts, without much/any emotion attached, and it seems to me that some sort of emotion/feeling is supposed to be involved in this whole identity thing. I feel the same about being asexual, for example, as I do about having brown hair. It is an accurate description of some aspect of myself, but not really any more than that to me. I don’t usually think about these traits when they aren’t relevant to something else. If asked to describe myself, I’d need some sort of context or starting point to bring anything to mind.
_________________
Yet in my new wildness and freedom I almost welcome the bitterness of alienage. For although nepenthe has calmed me, I know always that I am an outsider; a stranger in this century and among those who are still men.
-H. P. Lovecraft, "The Outsider"
StrayCat81
Sea Gull
Joined: 24 Jul 2021
Age: 43
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 214
Location: Wellington, New Zealand
That's interesting, since I have very similar. Did they give you any specific label for that? Or all of that goes under the autism?
To get some actual emotions about myself, I had to do a trick and imagine myself meeting my copy. And since I have plenty of ideas what cute and nice things we would do together, how safe we would feel with one another, it quickly evolved into very warm feelings, it's basically like having a relationship with myself.
Now I'm wondering how to find others with similar trait so we can compare notes... And how to even call it?
dragonsanddemons
Veteran
Joined: 19 Mar 2011
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 6,659
Location: The Labyrinth of Leviathan
That's interesting, since I have very similar. Did they give you any specific label for that? Or all of that goes under the autism?
To get some actual emotions about myself, I had to do a trick and imagine myself meeting my copy. And since I have plenty of ideas what cute and nice things we would do together, how safe we would feel with one another, it quickly evolved into very warm feelings, it's basically like having a relationship with myself.
Now I'm wondering how to find others with similar trait so we can compare notes... And how to even call it?
I’m not aware of a label for it.
If I met a copy of myself, we’d probably just both stand there in awkward silence until one of us thought it would be less awkward to leave But that is a good idea, I’ll think more about what it would be like if we actually talked.
_________________
Yet in my new wildness and freedom I almost welcome the bitterness of alienage. For although nepenthe has calmed me, I know always that I am an outsider; a stranger in this century and among those who are still men.
-H. P. Lovecraft, "The Outsider"