Aspies do not get married or have children.

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Maybe it depends how long you've been dx'ed (or thinking about it). the first few years you want to hear the positives emphasised, because the whole dx thing is a fault finding exercise, a humiliating relegation to a lower 'caste'.

I've been dx'ed 10 years now, I don't need it all sugar coated now. My life is marked by and absence of relationships. I've had friends, boyfriends, the usual stuff, but it all fails or dissolves. I learnt to like being alone as a child.

I'm over Attwood.

Kill her, she is such a lair.

The Yale girl is obviously not familiar with the world-known British autism theorist and thinker Baron-Cohen. A theory his lab at Cambridge (?) is testing as we speak is that autism genes spread by what is called in evolution theory "assortative mating." This means that there is some way you can recognize others that have copies of certain genes you have. One of them being that autistic people can often make other autistics from across a room for example. So in Baron-Cohen's theory, autism genes are stable in the gene pool because ASD sufferers marry other ASD sufferers. So simple yet would answer such questions as: why does it tend to run in families? Why is linked with ADHD? Well, they both have some genes that are cross-linked. Very fascinating stuff that distracts me from my thesis! The most spectacular use of "assortative mating" is in Hamilton's Kin selection theory, you would be more likely if you have some gene X for altruism to mate with someone outside your family that also shares that gene X, if you can recognize them. That's not the meat of the theory, but it explains partly how genes for altruism could spread, you recognize relatives first, then merely anybody altruistic, relative or not. Dawkins called this rather humorously the "Green beard" mating theory or something like that.

Everything fails, in the end.

yeah that's why i became a christian. to lose IS to win with them!

Just like 1984?

maybe, yeah, could be, something along those lines...

All I will say here is that this researcher is obviously basing her assumptions on a very narrow view of aspies. If some of us didn't marry and/or have children, how would new aspies be born? Mind you, I don't think either of my kids have autistic traits but other relatives do and it's too early yet to see if I have any grandchildren on the spectrum (at least I will be prepared if they are).

How ridiculous! I am not diagnosed but suspect I have AS. I am happily married, have 1 child, & planning for another shortly. i am also in school to become a special needs teacher.

My professor has always taught our class that those with AS crave social interaction and relationships; they just have difficulty doing so.

I agree with PostPerson's comments. I do feel puzzled by some posts I read on WP, because a lot of folks sound much more relationship-motivated than I've ever been. I've been happily married for 23 years. I married a man who's completely NT but very shy and introverted. We clicked on two things: a strong physical attraction, and an immediate sense of & respect for each other's boundaries. I would not have agreed to marry any other type - I wouldn't have felt that sense of "separate togetherness," as I've come to see our relationship. If he died or we broke up, I doubt seriously I'd bother marrying again. I've never had any sort of maternal instinct or drive. My AS mother is very much like me. Her first two marriages failed miserably because she couldn't make any kind of emotional connection with them - she ended up leaving both marriages. Now she's been married for 35 years to a guy who's absolutely loaded with AS, and they are very content to be "separate but together."

There are a lot of dumb generalizations in that article, but I do agree that AS is now being way over-diagnosed.

I like that. I think if more couples kept certain boundaries, more relationships would succeed. You have to know yourself and have your own type of space before you can effectively connect and co-oexist with another.

I never understood why my mom took on the job of doing my dad's laundry.

She didn't wear his clothes, he did.

I don't know about other people, but I can tell you that at 33 i am an oddity in my family in that I not only don't have kids, but i don't want them. Not saying I don't like them, I just don't want them--- I can't see myself caring for them for 18+ years, no way. It's just not in my itinerary.
I've never been married--- not saying i won't. I don't really see any immediate need to, although if I did, then I'd probably marry the man I am with now. He is nice and understanding. But like the guys in the past, he found me. I could never ask a guy out or do the initiating. If he hadn't come along I'd probably be spending alot more time on this computer.
Everyone is different, though. And who is to say who is apt to have kids or not? I know I wasn't a "planned" baby. My parents sort of just produced me. Things happen without any real reason or purpose... just results. People in the world can be socially awkward and still have relationships. Whether they work or not, who knows?

Refrigerator moms?

Recessive genes?

Bastards?

I cover that here.

Good fortune,

- Icarus

Aspie Women marry, Aspie men are looked upon as ret*ds.

I was grown up with the idea that "no sex before marriage" and so on. Shesh. Me and my ex which I still have with her allowance full sets of keys to her house of, never considered marriage nor engagement wows. Because all our friends getting engaged split up within a couple of months!

Last summer we where supposed to maybe marry, and my father worked as crazy to renovate the 1926 model T-ford for our wedding, and then on spring we simply told him we're separating. I thought he'd have a stroke. But we simply needed the separation. If not, because of keeping sane.

Having three kids that requires 25/7 (yes, 25/7) maintenance and monitoring kills a relation by time. We moved apart, live separately, have the kids about "whenever they feel for crashing in" to lease stress (having 3 NPF children with severe allergies and authistic parts drives anybody crazy that doesn't have the stamina to either cope with real life or lands on drugs)

We was together for 19 years without marriage, and I still can freely walk into her house and she into my apartment whenever she wants. And SHOULD there be any company in bed, so what. We're separated, We know both how life works. But we have three kids together which is darn important to both of us. And THERE people start to get problems understanding our relationship nowadays after the separation.

It's not that neither of us jumps to every bed available or something, We have to keep in mind both the other and our kids, and starting a new relation is never easy, because you always have your kids in mind. I've seen so many bad separations over the years that just ruined everything. I have kids, that loves to live with me and their mother and find it quite nice to have two separate nearby places within walking distance to crash in. Especially when the other kids goes chainsawing on nerves it can be a real haven for one or two to just walk home to me.

It's just that I hope when she gets a new guy he understands that she's got a janitor that probably have to give her intimate checks due to three troublesome births with a lot of scars, give her massage to straighten her spine after the pregnancies, and that I'd never ever walk into her bedroom no matter how many shoes I have to showel up. Thankfully she's of the same opinion for me. Well, except that I've supposed to have a female company..