This just hit me!

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It's not that simple. Would be nice if it was. I know lovable people who just can't find the right person. I can't shove man A and woman B into a room and they will fall in love. They're both lovely people. This is based on 2 real friends of mine. They have been to several things I've organised and just never clicked with each other or anyone else.

There is always someone who says, "It is never that simple" without ever admitting the truth of what has been said.

Well, are you a truly loving man?

Everyone has the capacity to love and to be loved.

Really, a loveable person? REALLY? Is this the best we can come up with for his situation? So many people are married and aren't considered "loveable". First off what does "loveable" even mean? To each and every person loveable would mean something totally different.

dorkseid I am happy you came to such a realization and it is a good path to start on to finding the woman who fits into your life. I would suggest exposure to more things and possibly drop the strip club and bars because they sound like they are doing you more harm than good. Maybe find a local place to go hangout at(regularly that's not a bar or strip club and without the intention of finding a date) and just interact with people and you may find her in the process. Making friends is a good way of increasing your chances of finding a girlfriend because then you have other people to "vouch" for you so to speak and back you up when needed(though you shouldn't be making new friends for this reason alone).

I wish you the best of luck in your endeavors! And I hope things turn out well for you.

Well, yeah, it's true you need to be lovable to be loved, but pithy sayings aren't really helpful in reality.

"You need feet to walk", I say to the person in a wheelchair. They know that already
Doesn't help them get about.

I think your comment was really insightful, and very well expressed Dorkseid.

I feel for you and wish I knew what to suggest.

Please don't think that you aren't loveable or that you don't deserve a partner for some reason. I'd like to say you'll meet her someday, but I know that sounds like platitudes and it doesn't help when you're struggling and feeling so alone.

Wishing you all the best.

It does sound platitudinous. And I seriously cannot imagine wanting to be in a relationship as much as Dorkseid does. It must be really difficult to want or need something so bad and to be told that it will happen one day.

Platitudinous is better than nothing at all-----though platitudinous isn't all that great.

Dorkseid has lots going for him, I find. Even though he's a pain in the butt at times

right woman wrong circumstance is a common issue also .

sometimes you have to build the connection you are looking for .

there are many variables in finding a partener . fact is if they reject you .. they were just an idialised shell of what you expected . kind of like biting into an apple pie .. only to find that the factory swapped the flavouring to chicken .. and the advertised flavour didn't match what you purchased .

people are deceptive .. even unwittingly

I really like what cbd saidI think there can sometimes be way too much emphases on having an instant "connection", "spark", "chemistry" or whatever you want to call that. I care about more substantive things when it comes to relationships instead of the feeling of getting shot by a magic arrow that suddenly makes me feel high as a kite & want to marry the person I just talked to for the 1st time. I care about things like someone being accepting of me, taking the time to try & get to know me, being sweet to me & others & animals, having a sense of loyalty, appreciating me & making me feel valued. I don't need to talk to somebody nonstop & finish each others sentences to enjoy spending time with her & to feel comfortable with her. If I do enjoy spending time with her & feel comfortable with her, I want to marry her.

Yes deeper connections take time. You can't possibly know if you want to marry someone straight away, that takes time.

My point was, just because 2 really fab single people meet, they won't necessarily get together. There's more to it that just being a really interesting and lovable person. There's chemistry. Not a magic spark in the moment you meet, but how you vibe with each other over time. Bear in mind my friends in my example have met several times. There's nothing there.

I have tried to force a connection or give someone a chance when there's been absolutely nothing there. Friends have commented on me doing this. They could tell something wasn't working. If anything I've been called too patient. It's those mistakes that have made me more discerning. I know now when there's no point trying.

You've got to have some kind of connection. If it's not there, nothing will ever grow no matter how much time you give it.

At this point, even if I could meet women that are interested in me, it will only be women over 40 who have already had all the children they want to. Their kids be all grown up. No matter what happens at this point, it is already too late for me to experience having children I get to know when they are small and watch them grow up.

Have you ever tried to offer a date to one of your special women as soon as you felt she's starting to friendzone you, or even before that?

Actually, even after friendzoning, there's still hope. You might become friends with benefits, and she might fall in love.

Not all women over 40 have already had all the children they want. I saw plenty in that age range at the fertility clinic when I was trying to conceive.

Yep....many mothers I see with strollers seem like they're above 40 to me.