28 Nov 2021, 9:59 pm
katzhutte wrote:
not saying she is deliberately making a trap, but its a trap.
Rexi
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28 Nov 2021, 10:33 pm
ironpony wrote:
If my gf asks me who was the best sex I had with before and her, and asked me what made sex with those women the best. I couldn't really put my finger on it, at the time, but now that I thought about it, I guess the answer is, is that they just did whatever I wanted. But if she asks me again and I give that answer, will that sound bad, like a woman is the best in bed, if she just does whatever the guy wants?
It can go both ways too as man can be the best in bed by doing whatever the woman wants to. But still does it sound bad, like the guy is into a people pleaser type who can't say no, if that makes sense?
It can go both ways too as man can be the best in bed by doing whatever the woman wants to. But still does it sound bad, like the guy is into a people pleaser type who can't say no, if that makes sense?
Well, first of all, you'll try to please her too, no? So it doesnt apply. While telling her stuff, you also ask her what she wants from you. It's an exchange and makes her come up with ideas that she maybe would have liked to try but would have been shy or wouldnt have even thought she could. It's how sex works. People joining in to do what they personally want and agree on. And none of the two gets left out.
And meanwhile, communication, I don't like this, I like this. I don't like it like this, I like it like this.
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28 Nov 2021, 10:38 pm
Rexi
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28 Nov 2021, 10:50 pm
ironpony wrote:
Oh okay. She asked me about it so I guess that means she is likely okay with discussing it if she brought it up?
I could talk to her about it, it's just that if I say I was turned on by women being submissive and going out of their way, that might sound bad, or so I thought.
I could talk to her about it, it's just that if I say I was turned on by women being submissive and going out of their way, that might sound bad, or so I thought.
Or she could lean right into the role because statistically it's more natural for women.
Yeah she really wants to know how to do things right and you can go like, i dont mean to sound .... - disclaimers are awesome s she understands what you really think and believe and that this is just something you enjoy.
For example like "I dont mean to sound like being submissive and going out of the way is what attracts me in women (or is the way women should be in life) but it turns me on roleplaying it when we get intimate."
This way she understands you think highly about womankind and you are wanting her to please you.
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Last edited by Rexi on 28 Nov 2021, 11:09 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Rexi
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28 Nov 2021, 11:01 pm
ironpony wrote:
Guilt and regret over what?
I personally have had for a long time anger and trauma leftover from exes, it would drive me crazy and all the feelings would reoccur which in psychology I think is called re-traumatizing or something like that. Reliving the events is very easy and sometimes they can be very dark and abusive. So talking about it was very stressful and angry mood shift for me, and I would get very irritated when someone asked about my exes again and again. Bad psychologists can retraumatize people when they open up their past. That which retraumatizes is called a trigger.
But talking about what I like carried no weight with it. It kept me in the present.
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Rexi
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28 Nov 2021, 11:26 pm
ironpony wrote:
Oh well the thing is is that she is very sexually inexeperienced though. So she wants to gain experience though, based on what I know of my past experiences of those I thought were the best. But if I tell her she is the best, even at her little experience level, she's not going to believe me because she is inexperienced.
Well, when I don't believe something, it doesn't mean it doesn't make me feel good to hear it. But seriously, now. If they never said anything bad about me sexually or made me feel like I couldn't ever reach that level or I was too low and not improving, I respected them more and made my work easier and more enjoyable.
There's absolutely no way to escape that question and if she really wants to find out clearly she will make you spell the truth out, and then that will hurt her for a long time. I mean what kinda experienced pornstars does she have to compete with? If I were you, I'd try to answer it for her if she asks again, in a way thats gentle. Don't be the rude boyfriend that ignores her or deflects her questions again and again, it builds frustration and skepticism whether you really like her or you're real. Maybe tell her she isnt in competition with them, and she can learn the things they never had the chance to, or reach the level they never were at. They're in the past and you wouldnt go back there, or wouldnt trade her for them (unless you would)
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29 Nov 2021, 12:22 am
ironpony wrote:
Guilt and regret over what?
For me it's either regret over not meeting a good guy at all, or sooner. But if its the latter it doesn't really matter because I'm happy, I wouldn't say it's a negative feeling, more so of thankfulness & feeling lucky.
Btw i have to say I'm glad to hear you've been starting communication of this serious aspect with your girlfriend, it's nice for intimacy to be something couples can discuss openly. Especially since it's a bit of your interest so I imagine it's pretty important to you, even besides the struggles you've had. There's no instance in which communication and resisting and having patience hasnt paid off for me and the other person. They are good skills to have in life and relationships.
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29 Nov 2021, 1:20 am
29 Nov 2021, 5:32 pm
29 Nov 2021, 5:57 pm
The_Znof wrote:
katzhutte wrote:
not saying she is deliberately making a trap, but its a trap.
Someone should make a thread about 'questions that are asked' that should be answered very carefully i.e. a trap
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29 Nov 2021, 6:11 pm
ironpony wrote:
Rexi wrote:
ironpony wrote:
Guilt and regret over what?
I personally have had for a long time anger and trauma leftover from exes, it would drive me crazy and all the feelings would reoccur which in psychology I think is called re-traumatizing or something like that. Reliving the events is very easy and sometimes they can be very dark and abusive. So talking about it was very stressful and angry mood shift for me, and I would get very irritated when someone asked about my exes again and again. Bad psychologists can retraumatize people when they open up their past. That which retraumatizes is called a trigger.
But talking about what I like carried no weight with it. It kept me in the present.
Oh okay, but what does trauma from past events have to do with this though, sorry if I am not following?
Because someone was saying regret is why she might dislike bringing up exes and then you were asking what kinda regret. For me it was different than regret and I know your gf had a traumatic time and still does with her ex.
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29 Nov 2021, 9:06 pm
29 Nov 2021, 9:16 pm
29 Nov 2021, 9:17 pm
29 Nov 2021, 9:30 pm
Rexi
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30 Nov 2021, 12:27 am
ironpony wrote:
Some of the stories she wants to hear I am embarrassed and ashamed to tell her though, so should I still?
being embarrassed and ashamed is no issue when you're together.Depends how she feels about it. Mentioning your exes isn't necessary, you can ask if she would prefer if you just talk about what you like without involving exes because your aim is to be focused on each other
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