help with pulling a girl

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i hav known this girl though for a long time well 5 months we r close and i wanna kiss her etc on the date so wen will be the best time (not the end pls)?

coolman,

I see some pretty good advice coming from edal here. How is the rapport between you and her? Are you tongue-tied like most of us Aspies, or do you find it easy to really chat-up with her? From my personal experiences it is the ones I find easy to talk to that I've had the most success with. If I'm too tongue-tied with her, then I see my own chances probably won't be that good. OTOH I've had the pleasure of being able to "grow a silver tongue" on the spot with the right kind of girl with the right kind of thinking. We Aspies may not have the success average NT's enjoy but those very special ones are out there; they do exist.

Have you two had a chance to talk about the things you like to do? Is there some common interest between you and her? Is she open-minded? If so, have you educated her about your "tic"? The least we Aspies can do is to educate them about the condition and try to be accommodating about it. May I suggest either a quiet bar or a coffee shop for a place of conversation?

Edal also mentions: Don't drink and drive, ever. I take that edict even further: I myself will not drink alcohol when attending the local Singles dance and/or out making first contacts with the other gender. I like myself "straight up" when talking to people I don't know from a hole in the ground. Just that little bit of self-control seems to go a long way

If you and this girl don't hit it off as hoped, then by all means play the field and don't limit yourself. Perseverence and a positive attitude will pay off. Good luck and I hope this helps.

G'day Coolman and welcome to WP.

First, read Datasages' advice on dating. Its stickied somewhere.

The following advice is something I have never tried (I am just not able to, so good luck), but I believe it helps.

Don't "rush in"

Give her a hug and a kiss on the cheek when you first see her.

Sit next to her. Have your arm brush against hers. When chatting/making small talk (something else I don't do well - lol) touch her on the arm/back, pat her hand with yours, etc. Touch her (friendly, non sexual way) as much as possible, even if its just a tap on the shoulder to get her attention. This lets her know you are interested in her and will make both of you more comfortable being close/touching.

Pull? Are you sure it's a 'she'?

I'd take it with a grain of salt.
No such 'pattern' is going to
work in general.

Agreed - I think the advice given earlier on in this thread is better and more practical. Seems to me that Datasage's advice on dating is more for the NT or very borderline aspie.

Last edited by Pandora on 31 Jul 2007, 4:23 am, edited 1 time in total.

Just don't criticise him on the thread.
He's a moderator, and will cut your post
out.

Damned little tyrant.

I didn't know DataSage is the moderator.

Last edited by Pandora on 31 Jul 2007, 4:29 am, edited 1 time in total.

i can talk to her about pretty much anything i can make her laugh and i try to touch her as much as possible. Should i just be a man and have courage (dutch-courage) and just go in for the kiss after i have made her comfortable around me and im around her. p.s im not driving as i may drink alot plus she always says 2 me she dont want 2 drink 2 much and tells me not 2 drink too much is this cuz shes cares bout me or cuz she dont want me 2 make fool of myself??

Man if you two are going to the pub together I'm guessing you already have abit of an in.
That being said, as cliche as this sounds be yourself. the alchohol is gonna act as abit of a social lubricant and make things a little easier.
Be nice, ask her about stuff, the usual, make small talk. Even if your not good at it make an effort to and force yourself to converse.
But don't be a total yes man and agree with everything that she says, doesn't mean you have to be a jerk either. Just Talk and laugh and let things flow and everything will be cool.

As far as getting her to kiss you or whatever. My advice, although this may not be cool for you, is wait untill you feel like everything is going really well: Shes making eye contact, your both laughing, heck you might even both be comfortable enough by then your tossing banter about things that are abit borderline risque. Then what I'd do is just ask her. Something like "Now not to be awkward or wierd but keep an open mind here, would you mind if we kissed?"
Use your own words to something of that effect. Chances are if shes hanging out with an aspie like you she doesn't mind the quirkiness or shyness and it might be the easiest way for you to initiate it yourself since your not going out on a limb and just trying to kiss her without warning.

So thats my bit. I hope everything works out for you sir. Now goodnight.

I'm sorry, I don't agree with this advice. Too much physical contact will invade her personal space. Hugging her might make you feel more like a sympathetic friend than a suitor. A friendly touch or two may be a good affectionate gesture, but brushing against her or touching lightly is creepy; like you're trying to be 'sneaky'. Most girls don't like sneaky guys.
Honestly, just be yourself, but more confident. Datasage's advice is good also.

I don't really know. Is there really a definitive answer??? I'd like to know myself. If you follow the scientific advice, don't wear too much deodorant. I think there is a fine line there though. Maybe put some on more than a couple hours before but still shower. I take no responsibility for what happens.

There is some eye contact info I read about, but it probably really only works when you are doing it naturally. If you have sensitivity to direct eye contact there is exercises you can to do help desensitise a bit. It takes time though. The goal is to be able to look just long enough, which actually is that long at all. Also focusing in on yourself is what we do, that is not usually an advantage. Make a point of trying to notice things about her and the surroundings. It is a tough habit to break, you might as well go out now and practice. I'm told smiling is pretty important. I find that a lot easier when I can see my reflection.

If someone likes you their pupils are supposed to dilate. I wouldn't be too deterred if they look normal sized. But if they are pin pointed and you not in a very bright area, it can be a sign that she is angry, which I always get confused with. When someone is angry they don't like it when you don't realise. Or if they are not angry and you think they are angry, they will notice and become annoyed.

There is some info on 'mirroring'. Though 'mirroring' happens a lot I'm not sure which is actually relevant.

That is interesting. I get the feeling if I said that it would come out wrong and sound creepy. Also if a girl said that to me that I liked, I might feel a mixture a joy and anxiety. I might even phase out for a while.

Would you say 'ice breaking' is how it normally need at some point? Or do you think there can be a perfectly smooth transition.

I don't have a problem with ice breaking in therory, it is just figuring out whether I want to take that risk.

how do i know clearly for sure that the girl likes me are there any signs as im crap at reading body language etc .... are there any tactics needed in trying 2 get her if the date is not working e.g all i can think of is do u want 2 go 4 a walk??? plus is it a good idea to get drunk on or before the date it makes me relax bit more....

Maybe it could make you relax a bit more, but it can also do the opposite, it can make you more emotional. I don't think it is a good idea to get drunk before, I would drink roughly the same amount as she does, or don't drink at all.

I think the walk is a good idea.

Horses for courses. To me a hug is actually quite an intimate thing, but some people are touchy feely though people that are don't necessarily notice their doing it. I guess what I hate is taping on the shoulder, or surprises. So I wouldn’t want to do that to anyone else.