My problem with relationships and age

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kraftiekortie
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30 Jan 2022, 3:13 pm

Where did you come up with the pedophile thing? That was straight out of somewhere which just might be crazy.

I’ve tried to give you advice—and you make a comment like that????

What exactly is your problem?



goldfish21
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30 Jan 2022, 4:20 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
Where did you come up with the pedophile thing? That was straight out of somewhere which just might be crazy.

I’ve tried to give you advice—and you make a comment like that????

What exactly is your problem?


Probably some form of all or nothing thinking that maximizes the possibility of a definition of something.. an exaggerated distortion in thinking to fit the paradigm that he has that age gaps = unacceptable. I would chalk it up to that sort of thinking vs. any sort of personal attack on yourself, kraftie.


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HighLlama
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30 Jan 2022, 4:29 pm

He meant the phrase, "Age is just a number," sounds like a pedophile's rationalization. Sounds to me like something a character on Law and Order: SVU would say. I don't mean that anyone who uses that phrase is a pedophile. Just that the show would do that.

He's upset and in a suffocating situation. I don't think it was meant as a personal attack on anyone, like goldfish said.



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30 Jan 2022, 4:49 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
Where did you come up with the pedophile thing? That was straight out of somewhere which just might be crazy.

I’ve tried to give you advice—and you make a comment like that????

What exactly is your problem?


I apologize.

I did not mean to imply that you are a pedophile or that everyone who uses that phrase is. But phrases like that and arguments that stigma against age gap relationships is just a societal prejudice are commonly used by pedophiles to rationalize their behavior.



goldfish21
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30 Jan 2022, 5:08 pm

dorkseid wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
Where did you come up with the pedophile thing? That was straight out of somewhere which just might be crazy.

I’ve tried to give you advice—and you make a comment like that????

What exactly is your problem?


I apologize.

I did not mean to imply that you are a pedophile or that everyone who uses that phrase is. But phrases like that and arguments that stigma against age gap relationships is just a societal prejudice are commonly used by pedophiles to rationalize their behavior.


I think you're being too anxious about what other people might think IF you dated someone younger. As long as they're a consenting adult, why care what anyone else thinks of it? Do you have criteria for a partner that are drawn up by others? Or is it what/who YOU are attracted to and get along with?

Like in my case, IF I ever ended up dating my crush, my brother and his fiancee wouldn't approve - BUT the beautiful thing is: I/we do not require their approval! 8) They can think whatever they want. They can think 22-23 is 5 years too young, but so what? It's not their life to live nor choice to make. They're free to do as they please for themselves, their judgement of me and my hypothetical partner means Z E R O besides the fact that they're judgemental about things that don't concern nor affect them one iota.

Be more like that. :D


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30 Jan 2022, 5:49 pm

Large gaps aren't inherently problematic. But moreso the younger ages. Someone who is 18-21 is still young, impressionable, immature. And if they're dating an older person, there will likely be an imbalance of power in the relationship.

For example, a 45 year old dating a 30 year old isn't problematic. But a 35 year old dating a 20 year old raises moral concerns.



ironpony
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30 Jan 2022, 8:04 pm

Quote:
The point is not about how poorly the Killing Joke was written, but about how people react to the idea of a sexual relationship between Bruce Wayne and Barbara Gordon.

First Knight and Casablanca both take place in very different times.


Oh but what I meant was I didn't think people would have had near as much of a problem with the romance if it was written better.

Also I was wondering, were you saying you were thinking of moving to Canada, because the women may be easier?



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30 Jan 2022, 8:37 pm

ironpony wrote:
Also I was wondering, were you saying you were thinking of moving to Canada, because the women may be easier?


No. I'm thinking about moving to Canada because healthcare here sucks. Also, Canada didn't elect Donald Trump.



goldfish21
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30 Jan 2022, 8:41 pm

dorkseid wrote:
ironpony wrote:
Also I was wondering, were you saying you were thinking of moving to Canada, because the women may be easier?


No. I'm thinking about moving to Canada because healthcare here sucks. Also, Canada didn't elect Donald Trump.


Two very excellent reasons. 8)

Come for the healthcare and lack of orange guy, stay for the poutine and maple syrup.


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Benjamin the Donkey
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31 Jan 2022, 9:17 am

1. With a master's in education you should be able to go a lot of places, in the U.S. or elsewhere. There are jobs at international schools around the world. With that degree, staying in the Bible Best is a choice.

2. Why do you care what anyone else thinks? Judgmental, narrow-minded people are going to find something to criticize about your relationship, whether it's a difference in race, nationality, culture, religion, education, income, or age. Ignore it, or move to a more accepting place (see 1.).

3. As an autistic person, it's hard enough to find someone compatible with me. If I do, I'm not going to let age or any other difference stand in the way.

4. Your comment about needing to be a millionaire to have a younger partner is just wrong. I've had several relationships (brief or extended) with younger women. My partner now (serious, long-term relationship, very happy) is much younger. And I'm not rich, or even financially stable.


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goldfish21
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31 Jan 2022, 10:41 am

Benjamin the Donkey wrote:
1. With a master's in education you should be able to go a lot of places, in the U.S. or elsewhere. There are jobs at international schools around the world. With that degree, staying in the Bible Best is a choice.

2. Why do you care what anyone else thinks? Judgmental, narrow-minded people are going to find something to criticize about your relationship, whether it's a difference in race, nationality, culture, religion, education, income, or age. Ignore it, or move to a more accepting place (see 1.).

3. As an autistic person, it's hard enough to find someone compatible with me. If I do, I'm not going to let age or any other difference stand in the way.

4. Your comment about needing to be a millionaire to have a younger partner is just wrong. I've had several relationships (brief or extended) with younger women. My partner now (serious, long-term relationship, very happy) is much younger. And I'm not rich, or even financially stable.


:heart: :heart: :heart: 8)


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31 Jan 2022, 11:10 am

Is this seriously a real world issue for you? Are younger women openly interested in relationships with you?

I've said it before here and I'll say it again: worry about yourself and not about women. Become the best man you can be. Put the action figures away -- I'm not sure that younger women are any more attracted to action figures than older women. Lose weight and get fit, or put a few pounds of muscle on if you are skinny. Wear age appropriate clean, neat and presentable clothes. Get the best job you can. Save money and stay out of debt. Educate yourself formally or informally.

If you do that you will be so much more attractive to women, and then they will be selecting you.

And definitely stop ruminating.



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31 Jan 2022, 11:44 am

Benjamin the Donkey wrote:
1. With a master's in education you should be able to go a lot of places, in the U.S. or elsewhere. There are jobs at international schools around the world. With that degree, staying in the Bible Best is a choice.

2. Why do you care what anyone else thinks? Judgmental, narrow-minded people are going to find something to criticize about your relationship, whether it's a difference in race, nationality, culture, religion, education, income, or age. Ignore it, or move to a more accepting place (see 1.).

3. As an autistic person, it's hard enough to find someone compatible with me. If I do, I'm not going to let age or any other difference stand in the way.

4. Your comment about needing to be a millionaire to have a younger partner is just wrong. I've had several relationships (brief or extended) with younger women. My partner now (serious, long-term relationship, very happy) is much younger. And I'm not rich, or even financially stable.


Congradulations on good relationship … :D :D :D :)


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ironpony
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31 Jan 2022, 1:13 pm

I feel that this is just another case of if you want to find an SO, it's just another matter of having to compromise. For example, way back when I was young I didn't want to date overweight women, but then later I realized that thin women are hard to get so maybe it's best to to just lower my standards and I will be happier. And I was. It's best to just lower your standards and compromise, in this case, lower your standards of age in a partner?



Jakki
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31 Jan 2022, 1:53 pm

Sometimes Compromise does not mean lowering of standards .


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31 Jan 2022, 2:11 pm

That's true. But I guess in this case, going for younger women is not lowering your standards really?