12 Feb 2022, 2:59 am
She even liked many of the things I did. 
Live and regrets. She's likely happy, so all is good (that's the important thing to me). But, maybe this sorta is counter to the purpose of this thread, to be fair, I'm still alright being alone and I'm joyful, even when "losing" something that I'd consider ideal. 
You have to find your own happiness in this life, and I've learnt that one many times when alone and in those dark worlds, even if that happiness is thoughts or dreams of the ideal.Even me, Dill, the person that feels far too much for others, who cares about them more than anything, finds joy when he's alone. Which should probably give everyone that feels alone hope there.
You sound like a great partner for the right person. But, I do relate to having to deal with personal issues on your own. This can be sad, but sometimes better, without having to worry about someone not getting it.
auntblabby
Veteran
Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 114,583
Location: the island of defective toy santas
12 Feb 2022, 3:16 am
FleaOfTheChill
Veteran
Joined: 31 Jul 2020
Age: 309
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 3,205
Location: Just outside of reality
13 Feb 2022, 11:38 am
People who get it... hm.
I don't think I've ever met someone who understands me. I've met people over the years who get some things about me, but everything? Oh lord, no. 
I guess that's fair because I don't completely understand myself. I'm trying though. I'm a work in progress, and today, that's fine by me.
Some more joys of being single...
I stayed up last night for a bit and blasted some music in the living room. I listened to the same few songs over and over. And I could because no one was watching tv or listening to their own things...no need for me to hide in headphones to avoid bothering anyone with my noise. I totally hogged the couch while doing so. I was stretched out, taking up the whole thing. Hogging the blankets too. Because they're mine and I can. 
The night before I had my grandson stay the night. We ripped all the couch cushions off that couch (and the chair) and made a big ole fort in the middle of the living room, then proceeded to stay up late and order a pizza. You can't do things like that if you have someone around who expects you to spend Friday nights with them, or if someone else is there wanting a mellow evening, relaxing in the living room. In my single world, if I want to destroy the living room to make a fort to hide from the zombie apocalypse going on in the rest of my house, I can and I do. (We totally kicked zombie butt, in case you wanted to know.) Best way to spend a Friday night, imho.
I'm going to backtrack a second to that me as a work in progress thing...over the last year and a half of being single, I've spent a decent amount of time trying to do some learning about myself, gain some understanding and insight into who I am and what I'm about. Not that I couldn't have done that before, but it's so much easier to do on my own. I'm not ignoring someone when I drop hours into myself. I don't have someone else there to ask their opinion about a thing, so it's on me to figure it out on my own. I've learned a lot about who I am, what I can and can't do, and what I do and don't want over the last year or so. Sometimes it's awesome, sometimes it's harsh. Either way, it's progress and I'll take it. I wouldn't have had the time or energy to do that if I was in a relationship. There wouldn't have been enough left in me at the end of the day to even try. And I likely would have been too distracted by them to even think to do that.
And that's what I have this morning.
13 Feb 2022, 2:15 pm
Great post! That sounds like a really fun weekend too
13 Feb 2022, 5:07 pm
13 Feb 2022, 5:25 pm
13 Feb 2022, 5:36 pm
14 Feb 2022, 6:48 am
auntblabby
Veteran
Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 114,583
Location: the island of defective toy santas
15 Feb 2022, 4:45 am
humans- can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em. hmph.
15 Feb 2022, 5:38 am
Very true. Though I suppose it helps to really look at the gulf between desire and what is there. Often we chase fantasy which may not even exist.
And when dealing with someone we encounter their life--every piece of trauma. This isn't necessarily bad, if they can see themselves honestly. But, often people dump their unwanted feelings on us, pretending to be who they wish they were, or want us to see.
Conversely, we look for support and acceptance, thought it's more easy to be some desire-object for someone. Rare to be accepted. And more easy to attract resentment than love--people jealous of your ability, demeanor, and accomplishment.
auntblabby
Veteran
Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 114,583
Location: the island of defective toy santas
15 Feb 2022, 6:00 am
Very true. Though I suppose it helps to really look at the gulf between desire and what is there. Often we chase fantasy which may not even exist. And when dealing with someone we encounter their life--every piece of trauma. This isn't necessarily bad, if they can see themselves honestly. But, often people dump their unwanted feelings on us, pretending to be who they wish they were, or want us to see. Conversely, we look for support and acceptance, thought it's more easy to be some desire-object for someone. Rare to be accepted. And more easy to attract resentment than love--people jealous of your ability, demeanor, and accomplishment.
nobody would be jealous of my ability, demeanor or accomplishment. i'm just a mere mortal with feet of clay and not a
and all i've ever wanted was one just like me, a mere mortal and definitely not a surprisingly hard to find.
15 Feb 2022, 6:18 am
^ I'm nobody special either. But, sometimes people are jealous more from their inability to face life, than due to who we are.
Related to all this, I'll also throw out the idea of relationships as self-harm. Sometimes we desire what is bad for us, though we know better.
auntblabby
Veteran
Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 114,583
Location: the island of defective toy santas
15 Feb 2022, 6:23 am
^^^oh i'm sure you are special to somebody or at least to yourself [self-hugging emoji here] a lot of relationships end up as self-harm for one or both parties, the divorce courts demonstrate this, along with [unfortunately] shrinks, hospitals and the morgue. but for a lucky minority born under a greater god, they are life-affirming mutual love in action, what the rest of us can only regard dimly if we can comprehend it at all. my best fantasies are when i'm dreaming i'm in such a loving relationship. when i'm in those reveries the hours just rush by.
15 Feb 2022, 6:28 am
auntblabby
Veteran
Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 114,583
Location: the island of defective toy santas
15 Feb 2022, 7:12 am
goldfish21
Veteran
Joined: 17 Feb 2013
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 22,612
Location: Vancouver, BC, Canada
15 Feb 2022, 11:34 am
Interesting wonder.
While my fantasies are mostly sexual in nature, they're typically about crushes/people I love that I wish had mutual feelings vs. just purely sexual fantasies.
I figure this is because sex is relatively easily obtained and I've been able to lead a sex life that pretty much checks off all the boxes of every possible type of sex I could ever dream up of having.. combine that with the fact that everyone wants what they can't have and boom; it makes perfect sense that I'd fantasize more about love than sex. 100% when my mind wanders to my most recent crush I'm daydreaming more about a loving connection than just hooking up to have sex again. (and the sex we did have was surreal level hot Because I feel a real attraction.)
_________________
No
for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.| Similar Topics | |
|---|---|
| single vs occupied |
15 Jan 2025, 2:48 am |
| Where to meet women irl who are single |
07 Dec 2024, 12:25 am |
| Single Men Joining Orthodox Churches |
19 Jan 2025, 11:58 am |
| Why is being single seen as a "lesser" status by some? |
15 Nov 2024, 12:12 am |
