"What I don't understand , if you love the traits in your ex-husband and in your current bf like honesty and intelligence then why you are complaining about such small issues like the use 'honey and sweetheart' . Why you divorced your first husband in the first place if you really love these traits ? If you really can't stand the lack of emotions' expression or lack of showing empathy in a partner then an aspie is not the best for you . Do this new boyfriend a favor, quit him now before you break his heart like you did to your first husband."
OUCH!! !!
First of all, I am not complaining. I am asking questions in an attempt to understand this difference in people called "Asperger Syndrome". If a distaste for using terms of endearment are a common factor in AS, then I want to know that. It's called being equipped for the relationship. If calling him honey and sweetheart sends chills down his spine, then I need to know that too!
Secondly, I did not know that my ex husband had AS. I didn't even know what AS was at the time of the divorce, well over 10 years ago. Not having an understanding of what it's about, I took his actions as a personal affront... I interpreted them as his not caring about me...and even as being passive aggressive. There was not one broken heart at the end of that relationship...there were TWO.
Thirdly, I have a son with AS. I need to ask questions to understand how AS affects him. For example, I just read in this very thread about a person who hated to be hugged. That is my son!! ! Even when he was a baby, he didn't like to be coddled and fussed over. (By the way, this was very confusing for me as an NT mother, but it makes sense now.) I'd always heard about little boys and their loving relationships with their mothers. I never had that kind of relationship. However, I know that my ability to keep his world stable is of great importance to him and for that, he loves me.
PS He also hates to smile for pictures - with a passion.
19 Aug 2007, 2:45 pm
But,
