nick007 wrote:
CurrerBell wrote:
I assume that they just enjoyed talking to me and had no romantic feelings for me at all. But, who knows?
Did you ever make a direct move on them? If not it's possible they assumed you just enjoyed talking to them & had no romantic feelings towards them. This notion that the guy should make the 1st move really puts us Aspies at a disadvantage. Us Aspie guys can be too awkward to know how to go about it without freaking woman out & we can be way too oblivious to realize that a woman is interested in us & assuming we're not if the woman does not make the 1st move. Aspie women can have problems singling interest in a way guys can pick up on compared to the way NT women do it & Aspie women may not make a direct move on a guy because she assumes that the guys woulda got her hints & made a move on her if the guys really were interested & she might be too scared to make the 1st move because guys might get freaked out by that. If an outsider was observing, they might think
"they both clearly like each other so why don't they just come rite out & say so directly instead of doing this dance". I would want to start yelling something like that at the TV if I was watching characters on a show.
Thanks for your perspective. There’s a lot of truth to what you say. It might be a case of obliviousness or extreme caution. I realize that. But I am too afraid to do anything also. Catch 22! To be fair, I did do quite a bit to put myself out there, thinking back. I just remembered that with one of the guys I stopped messaging him altogether out of frustration, then 1 month later he messaged me to wish me a happy birthday. I thanked him for the message and suggested we hang out to catch up. He never messaged me back! I had forgotten about that. I guess that was a pretty clear cut case of him not being interested.
I actually used to ask guys out, make moves, etc. I had absolutely no fear. In fact, I acted much like a confident man would. But it really didn’t work well for me. Guys would assume I just wanted sex, or they would passively go on dates and let me steer the relationship without really reciprocating my feelings. I decided to change my behaviour to be more in line with the average NT woman, even though I hate waiting around passively. It works way better I guess. Another poster in this thread mentioned how guys don’t like forwardness in women. It’s true. Perhaps if you are a social genius you could pull it off successfully. But very advanced move.
Then there is the fact that the 2 ASD men I have had relationships with asked me out very directly. So I have this idea that if a guy, even an ASD guy, really liked me he would actually do something. Dating is so complicated! I wish there was some k8ndmof universal system where you can flag every single person who you are interested in, which matches you up with those who have flagged you in turn. Some kind of pervasive Tinder without the posing and pictures and fake stuff.
Anyhow, thanks again for the ideas. Food for thought!
23 Mar 2022, 8:00 pm
