help avoiding breakup

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Thanks for the replies, especially M.P.!


I did ask her some (very) similar questions in return, and I have no doubt she will find very nice answers to them. The problem is that I dont find good answers, which will just prove her point.
We will have a chat later in the evening or tomorrow to talk about everything.
We got to know each other pursuing a hobby neither of us ended up enjoying, so that is out of the picture.

I will try to formulate some answers, but ... difficult.

Do you feel romantic about this person----like you feel like cuddling with her (it doesn't have to be explicitly sexual)?

Do you feel an intellectual connection?

Do you feel like you can be friends as well as romantic partners?

Do you miss her when she's not with you?

Talking about your relationship is pretty essential IMHO to keeping it healthy and ongoing.

When a relationship isn’t thriving, a weekly talk would be the least you could do.

A relationship is work - not just showing up.
I believe I’ve read the the number one reason people break up is usually money and after that Communication.
To feel loved and seen, requires not just being heard but knowing the partner is actually listening. This is an exchange, not one way. If participating in this exchange on a regular basis is too much for you then being in a relationship may be too taxing for you.

That said, not all relationships are the same!

How does one know the other is listening? Because the partner responds in a relevant and interested manner. Not taking kind of undermines that exchange.

She is expressing her needs and feelings. I’m a little surprised people find that manipulative. I do understand the inability to alter aspects of your self. You are who you are. Unfortunately, it may be that “who you are” is not meeting her needs.

Suggestions- write down her specific needs. I’m a visual learner/listener - a professor will say- you don’t need to write this down but I AM going to write it down because in that process I am listening better than if I just hear it.
If you need to do this it might be good to ask her if it’s ok as it helps you listen and remember.

It’s almost impossible for an outsider to answer her questions for you - that takes insight into your day to day life...
What would you miss about her? Her enthusiasm for life, her warmth, the joy you feel just being near her?

What about her annoys you? That she so easily converses with others while you struggle with chit chat?

There may or may not be a right answer to any of her questions - she may just want you to think about your shared relationship. I am willing to bet she has answers to all those questions with respect to you. Try if it’s important to you - that’s all anyone can do. Perhaps couples therapy would help find solutions for you both.