What Is The Best Way(s) For Aspie People To Find A Partner?

Post Reply New Topic

What else is one supposed to think when they read that lack of sex ends a relationship, other than sex is more important than the relationship?

If people would get out of the ideology of "quality," or "a 4,"or "alpha males," or "red pills," and all that crap......they would be better off.

That the individual in question is like most young men with a sex drive, and wishes to build an intimate romantic relationship wherein he and his partner can also satisfy each other's sexual desires.

Sex is an important component of romantic relationships for most young adults. Most people who have a sex drive aren't willing to resign themselves to a life of celibacy. That doesn't mean it's the only or most important thing in a relationship, but it does mean that seldom being able to engage in sex acts with one's partner once the relationship is well-established is often a deal-breaker.

For most older adults, too.

Why do all the young whippersnappers feel sex stops at 50, somehow?

To clarify, my comments were directed at the "no sex until marriage, and only for procreation" people, still basically most conservatives.

I made the 'young adult' distinction because I'm not familiar with how it is for older people.

With Fnord acting like it's surprising that a sexless relationship would be a deal-breaker, I can only assume that he's either in a sexless relationship (or would be okay with such an arrangement) or he's being intentionally obtuse. My impression is that it's the latter, but if it's the former, he could reply to what I said by stating that he and people he knows don't have a problem with the prospect of being in a sexless relationship.

Since I'm not familiar with what older people's sex lives tend to be like, I opted to add "young" as a clarifier to make my point in a way that is impervious to any anecdote he might throw at me about himself or people his age.

Yes!

It would certainly be better to stop lining up all people of a given gender into a single linear hierarchy of "sexual market value," or whatever.

It is much better to think more in terms of mutual compatibility, which is a highly individual, largely horizontal thing.

Old people can be really horny and kinky…trust me. I went to the Hellfire Club, which is where people roleplay and have orgies. There were plenty of people in their 60s and above there.

And young people could be really sexually conservative.

Old people’s sex lives are just like young people’s sex lives. Both vary greatly. Men and women can still frequently derive consummate satisfaction from sex.

by joining a group that has activities surrounding your strongest interests you are more likely to find somebody you already have at least one interest in common with.

This gives you something to talk about and potential activities to do together, Many online pages have interest groups.

This is even better because you can get to know others online and figure out who is most interesting, compatible, and communicate about interests online before going to a "real time" activity.

It is slower paced and allows a more natural way to interact and begin to understand others in the group.

Online interest groups have greatly increased my list of friends and increased my social activities.

I don't think I could have done that without online interest groups.

It takes more time for women to produce a child then for a man to do his part. For that reason the Mars colony should have a woman to man ratio of ten to one. This will allow us to settle the great red frontier more quickly.

In my opinion, by having beneficial qualities to bring into a relationship.  Examples:

• A Place of Your Own (e.g., an apartment, condominium, duplex or house).
• Artistic Talent (i.e., drawing/painting, music, sculpting, writing, et cetera).
• Clean Police Record (e.g., no arrests/convictions, no warrants, parking/traffic tickets okay)
• Domestic Skills (i.e., cleaning, cooking, yardwork, et cetera).
• Good Health (e.g., healthy and whole in both body and mind).
• Higher Education (e.g., college or trade school)
• Livable Income (e.g., enough to pay bills and expenses, put into savings, and enjoy recreation).
• Main-Stream Hobbies and Interests (i.e., arts, crafts, gardening, sports, et cetera).
• Outgoing Personality (e.g., the kind that attracts you).
• Pleasing Appearance (e.g., the kind that attracts you).
• Reliable Long-Range Transportation (e.g., your own motor vehicle for two or more).

This is not an all-or-nothing list; but the more of these you have, the more likely you are to find a partner . . .

. . . or for a partner to find you!

Agreed that most of the above are advantages.

The one glaring exception, IMO, is "Main-Stream Hobbies and Interests." This is an advantage in one way, but a disadvantage in another way.

In my experience, the less mainstream an interest/hobby is, the stronger the social bonds that can be formed around it, due to appreciation of each other's rarity. It's true that more-mainstream interests means more people one can bond with around those interests, which is an advantage, but the resulting bonds are likely to be more superficial than with a more-esoteric interest.

(I should also mention that some formerly mainstream hobbies have become much rarer than they used to be. Example: sewing.)

Mostly one and seven. You need a pad in which you won't be disturbed to bring the ladies home. Nothing kills the mood like your mother interupting your makout session to tell you that you you need to do the washing.

Or, it's part of the relationship for this poster, if you don't want to put words in their mouth.

At what point(s) in your life did you go there?

I went there (and a few other similar places) on a number of occasions when I was in my mid-twenties, and again when I was in my mid-thirties.

(Wondering if we might have run into each other.)

I think aLOT of this is dependent on the specific Aspie & their exact circumstances & what they want & do not want in a partner & relationship. What approach may work out great for one Aspie, might not work at all or turn out very badly for another. If one approach is not working out for an Aspie or anyone really, I would advise them to consider trying a variety of things. If this poll asked something like "What ways worked for you to find a partner", I'd vote on what has worked for me but I can NOT know what will work best for Aspies in general so I will not vote.

I met the 3 girlfriends I've had on online forums. The 1st was a common interest we shared & I met my 2nd & current on this forum. I've tried various ways to meet someone & nothing else has ever even gotten me a date.

I joined an offline support group for a while for bipolar, anxiety, & depression but there was only one woman there who was in her 20s & she had a boyfriend. She knew I was wanting a relationship & she never suggested setting me up with any of her friends & I never asked her to. She had some problems with drugs & alcohol & I think a lot of her friends were into that stuff. My 1st girlfriend had problems with drugs & alcohol & that was one of the things we fought about. I was straight-edge for years after that relationship ended when I was 20 partly cuz it was easier for me to blame the drugs & alcohol than my bad behavior for how I handled things. Getting involved with someone who was into that a bit seemed like a train wreck waiting to happen. That ruled out bars & clubs & such.

I lived in the deep south & there was not much to do in my extended area besides bars/clubs, sports, outdoors stuff, & church. My hobbies & interests have always been things I did by myself at home like listening to music, watching TV, playing video-games like SNES & N64, & looking up random stuff online. Since I was not into drinking or drugs & church was very popular, I often got suggestions about trying to meet someone at church. However while my family is Catholic(thou not very practicing) & I went to Catholic school, I am a Secular Humanist thou the Satanic Temple sounds appealing as well.

I tried meeting women at work when I was working but that did not work out. I didn't really have friends offline except for work colleagues & I asked em & asked my cousins to set me up but noone has ever tried as far as I know.

I tried LOTS & LOTS of dating sites but never met anyone that way. I felt very trapped living with my parents & I hated the area so I woulda been very willing to relocate for a relationship. I tried chatting with people on MySpace & some social media type sites for underground cultures like goths & EMOs & while I did chat with a bit of people, I didn't meet anyone. I tried forums & dating sites for different disabilities that I had & while I did chat with a bit of people, I didn't meet anyone that way either. I had aLOT more people message me when I posted on forums alot instead of just creating a profile & sending out messages but most of the people messaging me were people who were just wanting to chat about things with me like other guys, women who were a bit older than me, or women who were in a relationship or were not wanting a relationship.

I'm sorta on the asexuality spectrum & losing my vCard was not important to me so getting a prostitute was NOT appealing to me. Plus I had no clue how to go about it without risk of getting arrested. I've considered having a gay relationship since gay guys were the only people that were interested in me but I decided not to cuz it seemed like it would just be a fling till the next guy would come alone.

If I woulda have a bit of money & resources & woulda been struggling just as much to get a girlfriend, I woulda pursued the mail-order bride type thing. If I had my own place, I woulda taken in a woman who needed a place to stay. I knew a couple women online who woulda bee interested but I didn't have my own place thou it was kinda in the works but dragging on & on. Even if she would not really love me, I'd much rather have companionship & someone to fall asleep with my arm around than be single & lonely.