Autistic Functioning Level & Dating Success

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Sounds about right. One autistic woman I know who's not at all conventionally attractive, usually has to make the moves, and never finds anyone who wants a relationship. Before I quit dating NTs, I got dumped a lot (by men) because of being weird, which is still a lot further than I ever got with women. It's still more than most of the autistic men I've known have gotten, unless the guy is gay, or an exceptionally good looking people-pleaser high masker.

There’s a culture of denial here in WP about these things (that autistic men struggle way more in dating) to the point it became a banning rule for a while. For some weird reason, there have been female members who took offense of such realities and considered it as a sexist talk (only if a male says them though, so don’t worry, they will not attack you), like lostonearth in the previous page. Even tho no attacked women, people are just talking of their experiences and observations.

Glad to see a woman admits that dating NT women is harder.

Btw every bisexual woman I knew (even NTs) told me the same thing: dating women is much harder than dating men in general, let alone if you are AS.

I don't agree with the idea that men must always make the first move. I'm nearly 60 and have never made the first move. Nonetheless, I've had a full, colorful relationship and sexual history. My main problem when I was younger was not attracting women but keeping them--they soon realized how deeply weird I was and ran.

Nope....never had a woman make the first move----except once. And she turned out to be a Jesus freak!

I don't have many "alpha" characteristics----yet, I've done sort of okay making the first move.

A lot of the people on Love On The Spectrum, have never even dated before, despite being well into their twenties and thirties. And if we’re being honest, it’s because of their autism and how it impacts them.

Sure you could say it’s because many of them are unattractive. But guess what? Plenty of ugly guys get laid. Lots of ugly guys go on to find someone.

But unfortunately, when your autism impacts you in a way where you come off as special needs, and you struggle with living by yourself, dating is going to be friggin hard, especially if you’re also ugly.

That’s why I feel for these guys, I really do. They’ve got a pretty big uphill mountain to climb just to have a normal dating life, something good looking neurotypicals often take for granted.

Yeah, there is a big difference between coming off as Weird [1] and actually seeming special needs.


[1] and there, there's a difference between being Cool Weird, and WEIRD Weird.

I've never been "cool weird." I've always just been "weird," though sometimes in a somewhat likeable way. But never "cool." More like a court jester.

In high school, I was treated like a pariah; even the "nerds" wouldn't hang out with me.

I've gotten accused of being a misogynist on this forum more than a few times when I was posting about my major struggles about getting a relationship. I've even gotten accused of being a potential rapist 1ce or 2wice on here I was very upset & worded many things the wrong way & I did post aLOT about the same things over & over which I know others got tired of reading but labeling members as misogynists should be considered trolling & against forum rules. The mods back then should have intervened & PMed me & warned the accusers to stop. For the record the current mods are really good & I know they work very hard. It's important to note that I've had worse accusations on other forums & on other forums it was usually the men who accused me. I'm kinda misanthropic & have a low opinion of us hew-mons overall but I do like & love some individuals. I tend to have a lower opinion of men. I was bullied more by boys than girls when I was in school, the vast majority of world leaders have been men, most people who join the military & go off & kill others who never did anything personally against em are men, & the majority of my online friends have been women.

I'm a male feminist. I strongly support pay equality, paid family & medical leave, free childhood education & free child care, the Violence Against Women Act, I'm pro choice & very strongly support making birth-control available for free, I support breast feeding in public spaces & at work, I support that law to ban revenge porn that I forget the name of, I support making feminine hygiene products available for free in schools & non taxable & covered by programs like food stamps to name a few female issues off the top of my head.

I've had phases where I've majorly questioned my sexuality before & felt I was born the wrong gender because I do not conform to the stereotypical guy. My current girlfriend likes to joke that I'm 51% female & she's 51% male since neither of us conforms to our gender stereotypes.

I've met my 2nd & current(which is my 3rd) girlfriend on this forum. My current may not be on the spectrum but she has lots of other various issues but I've had lots of other various issues as well & we understand & relate to each other better than anyone else. I struggled MAJORLY to get relationships & was single & looking for 8 years straight after me & my 1st gf broke up. I seriously considered having a gay relationship cuz gay guys were the only people interested in me & I decided not to cuz I realized it was mostly a sexual thing & I'm sorta on the asexuality spectrum & while I like sex OK I do NOT want my relationship to be based on sex.

I think being disabled in general was just as limiting for me as being autistic is if not more so. I've known some disabled people offline & quite a bit online & overall the disabled guys I've known tended to struggle more with getting romantic relationships if they did not have a decent income or if there was a chance that their disabilities could get worse. I could go into a long list of reasons why but the short version is that men tend to get paid more than women for working the same amount of hours, lots of companies do not have good maternity leave policies, lots of people have their health insurance through their jobs or their spouses jobs which can require them to work a certain amount of hours, & women are raised with the expectation that men do not want to do household chores or will not do household chores the right way, this is probably worse in areas with more traditional gender roles like where I'm originally from. Women potentially dating disabled men worry that they will have to work long hours to provide for the two of them & then have to come home & do most all the housework while the guy does whatever, that will lead to major resentment very fast. If a woman is not working a man could justify & explain it as her being a very loving mom, a great cook, & she's very attractive but it's harder for women to justify & explain a man not working. Where I'm originally from a disabled man is considered to be a lazy leech sucking on the teats of the hard-working American tax-payer

Autistic men & women can both majorly struggle with dating & relationships sometimes but we tend to have some different challenges, like women are more likely to be used for sex & experience major abuse. It's also very important to note that there are plenty of exceptions with all this. It's extremely sad & pathetic that some of the men & women on this forum are putting words in each others mouths & accusing each other of bull$hit instead of trying to date each other. It's NO wonder why some members on the autism spectrum majorly struggle to get &/or maintain relationships.


My 1st girlfriend made the 1st move with me but we were good online friends for a bit 1st. My current gf PMed me after lurking & reading a lot of my post on this forum. I tried making a move on various women offline & online but I never even got a date The women just saw me as a friend & some had even thought I was gay

In the summer of 2019, I made a move on 3 girls who I had met in college.

All 3 rejected me...

Looking back, it made a lot of sense WHY some of them rejected me.

Girl #1 was wayyy out of my league. She was this outgoing neurotypical woman who was decently pretty. Looking back, I had no shot with her, as a 5 ft 2 autistic man.

Girl #2 was cute, played the guitar, and was super religious. What we had in common was that we both played guitar.
I remember making a move on her and her admitting that she had no interest in dating me. That pretty much devastated me.

Girl #3 was a girl I had A LOT in common with, it was actually amazing how much we had in common. But again, she had no interest in dating me. Looking back, she had some pretty clear behavioral problems and was just getting over her ex. But damn, we would have had so much in common, to this day, I think we would have been highly compatible.

I made the first move with my boyfriend. He drove my bus regularly, so that's how I got to know him. But because of his shyness, I wasn't sure if I was annoying him or if he was married, as I did seem to hit on married men. Then one day I asked what his name was, and he smiled cheerfully and told me his name, then asked me when I'll next be on his bus. I could tell that he was thinking "I really like you and I want to see you again and again" when he asked that. Then before his next shift we stood asking each other about ourselves and he then awkwardly said "come and see me...like a date..."

So I'm so glad I'd asked him his name that day. We've been in love ever since, and it's 8 years later!

All my exes and my current partner basically somehow initiated their interest in me.

Women of the world, do us a favor; you do the first move.
Stop wasting our time. lol

I kind of made the first move with my partner.
I overheard him talking to someone and I joined the conversation.

He gave me his number and I texted him a few days later.

He technically made the first move by giving me his number?
If he hadn't, I wouldn't have asked.

Functioning Level - Yes it makes dating very difficult.
My main problem is sensory issues.
I have a really hard time with (pretty much all) sensory input.
It took quite a while to get used to going to his house.
I don't adapt well to new environments.

Socially, we were always on parr (low interest in anything social.)

If I relied upon women to make the first move, I’d be a 61-year-old Virgin.

I am just not all that impressive….

But some of us are a lost cause because....

Same, these days sharing your thoughts as a male opens you up to mysogyny so you need to be extra careful.

I think "weirdness" is a little like special needs. in that individual males have different tolerance thresholds to different types of weirdness. Kind of like having different thresholds to carnival rides where some men tolerate getting spun around like a corkscrew and others experience a headspin and decide the ride is too much and want to get off.