Frustration approaching women

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Hmm...I've found that this actually
works for me. Glancing from a distance,
and looking away. Then doing it again.
And this, from a male.

I think dudes need more reassurance than that before they will try to talk to a girl. Or at least more than I can give.

2) Nightclubs and bars are OK as places to meet members of the opposite sex but they're not the best. A much better idea are clubs and societies with a mixed membership, workplaces and other locations which you might attend on a regular basis. They may have changed since I last attended one but nightclubs always seemed to be a bit like cattlemarkets to me.

The best way, I think, is to meet "friends of friends."
.

Some groundrules may help:

1) Write out on a piece of card "I will take advantage of every opportunity that comes my way" then stick the card above your shaving mirror. By the time the piece of card falls off you should have this thought burned into your brain. Girls, write the message "if I am approached and the guy appears to be awkward I will be nice" and place it above your makeup mirror.

2) Nightclubs and bars are OK as places to meet members of the opposite sex but they're not the best. A much better idea are clubs and societies with a mixed membership, workplaces and other locations which you might attend on a regular basis. They may have changed since I last attended one but nightclubs always seemed to be a bit like cattlemarkets to me.

3) Spend lots of time watching and listening how NTs deal with social situations. Use these conversations for ideas of your own BUT DO NOT COPY THEM. You need to be natural and if you try acting out other peoples conversations word for word you will be found out.

4) There are no decent chat-up lines. None, zero, zilch, nada.

5) Relax and be yourself, dont try so hard as everything will come with time.

Ed Almos

That or some variation of that happens to me all the time. I get lots of looks from guys but I have no idea what to do about it. I don't know if I'll get help for it, but I am doing eye contact a little and then retreating like the little birdies who run from the waves on the beach. It doesn't get me anywhere, but it's a start.

I used to blame myself more but now I realize I don't have the same tools to do all of that eye contact and stuff as everyone else, so I'm less about beating myself up for it. I see you doing the same thing- finding some juncture where it "went wrong" and trying to figure out how you messed up. Well, you did your best, and maybe it wans't your fault at all, maybe her friends made her leave or something, you never know. Scrutinize it, but without the guilt or worry, and see if you can learn from it, then let it go. And you'll definitely have another chance, with someone!

The best way, I think, is to meet "friends of friends."

1) The "friend" in the "friend of a friend" triad can be very helpful and facillitative, if not outright cunningly scheming in your favor.

2) It's gonna be a whole lot less awkard than trying to chat up anonymous women at a club/bar; you and her hanging out with a trusted mutual friend, already having that significant thing in common. The free-flowing conversation will be a given right off the bat, and it'll more likely happen at a restaurant or a laid back, uncrowded, comfortable bar where the music isn't all loud.

3) The odds are much higher she'll be "your type" or at least have similar ideas, interests, outlook, etc.

Really? I am so used to hearing the opposite.
And seeing it too. Guys just going up to gals
who have done NOTHING. And pissing them
off. And certainly gay males are pretty pushy
with me.

Not that I'd want THAT kind of attention. But keep
playing - I suspect that you'll hook something you're
interested in.

Hi papillon,
thanks so much for your input.

First off, I only found out about ASP a couple of months ago, so I hadn't figured out until very recently that I was 'different' from 'NT's' and that people do stuff I was completely missing. I am playing catch-up a bit, meaning that I have to look into stuff like flirting and what not. (I've had relationships, but I never understood what I did right to warrant those girls' interest in me, so I thought it was all just plain chance ) I am already getting the knack of it, because actually noticing eye-contact has not happened before without me looking very baffled putting any interested girl off quiet quickly I suppose The thing that frustrates me is that I was so busy noticing it and trying to 'play along' I completed forgot to 'play the scenario in my head' wherein the girl would talk to me. Leading to my brain meltdown...


I am glad I put this up, thank you for your kind words, because I was feeling like 'I'm not getting another chance at this' etc... (Actually I was feeling like I failed my exam or something) Reading this lifts my spirit...



I know there are girls that fall for shy guys, but because of my ASP I come across like I'm aloof and/or arrogant. (because I have my 'blank face' on and I usually am a critical individual regardless of anyone status. (manager, CEO...)) This directly conflicts with how I 'really' am. Come to think of it, the few girlfriends I've had where first attracted by my kind of 'alpha male' behaviour, but finally wanted to stay with me because of my shyness...


It does, thank you

... it sounds like the worst possible environment for me to perform in sociallly, I don't like the music and I've never liked dancing, nor do i particularly enjoy getting drunk.

I don't know. I LIKE those things, and they don't help
too much. Maybe if you felt like you had to remain in
a miserable situation, until you met someone, you'd
HAVE to approach them.

Just set ugly goals on yourself. Hell, I can't seem to do
it, but make a list, and purposefully hit on someone, every
night.

Hey Tom,

Congrats on finding out you've got the tic. Now you can accept it, learn to live with it, learn to live within its limitations, and learn to bring forward its strongest aspects. It is part of what you are all about.

Do you ever look at yourself in the mirror that time of the day you groom yourself up? What do you see? A fellow who has come to complete acceptance of who he is? I hope so! Okay... so you have the tic, it is what it is, and now you've made a big step forward.

I know you'll do alright.

...And don't forget your swimming caps when you head out there