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Guys to overprotective of there girlfriends?

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Jamesy
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07 Aug 2022, 11:52 am

Nades wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
Twilightprincess wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
A bit of topic last night when I was out after a few beers this younger girl said "can you stop starring at me please"

A girl has never that to me before.


8O

Maybe you should avoid bars and excessive alcohol consumption if it’s going to make you behave in ways that makes others uncomfortable.



I think because I am autistic as well having appropriate eye contact can be tricky.

The girl also said to my friends who were with me to stop bothering her


What was the relation of her to you? Was she a complete stranger? So you approach women regularly or occasionally?



She was a stranger and I did not speak to her either.

I don't often approach women I am actually more reserved.



Nades
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07 Aug 2022, 11:53 am

Jamesy wrote:
Nades wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
Twilightprincess wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
A bit of topic last night when I was out after a few beers this younger girl said "can you stop starring at me please"

A girl has never that to me before.


8O

Maybe you should avoid bars and excessive alcohol consumption if it’s going to make you behave in ways that makes others uncomfortable.



I think because I am autistic as well having appropriate eye contact can be tricky.

The girl also said to my friends who were with me to stop bothering her


What was the relation of her to you? Was she a complete stranger? So you approach women regularly or occasionally?



She was a stranger and I did not speak to her either.

I don't often approach women I am actually more reserved.


Was you actually starring at her lot then?



Jamesy
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07 Aug 2022, 11:54 am

Twilightprincess wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
Twilightprincess wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
A bit of topic last night when I was out after a few beers this younger girl said "can you stop starring at me please"

A girl has never that to me before.


8O

Maybe you should avoid bars and excessive alcohol consumption if it’s going to make you behave in ways that makes others uncomfortable.



I think because I am autistic as well having appropriate eye contact can be tricky.

The girl also said to my friends who were with me to stop bothering her


I think it’s likely related to the “few beers,” too.

Having autism doesn’t excuse creepy behavior.



Yes it does actually a lot of the time our mannerisms are not like normal people. We just can't help behaving a certain way.

Yes I was probably looking at her a lot without realising it. Of course if I was an 'attractive' guy she would probably find my behaviour endearing.



TwilightPrincess
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07 Aug 2022, 12:03 pm

Jamesy wrote:
Twilightprincess wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
Twilightprincess wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
A bit of topic last night when I was out after a few beers this younger girl said "can you stop starring at me please"

A girl has never that to me before.


8O

Maybe you should avoid bars and excessive alcohol consumption if it’s going to make you behave in ways that makes others uncomfortable.



I think because I am autistic as well having appropriate eye contact can be tricky.

The girl also said to my friends who were with me to stop bothering her


I think it’s likely related to the “few beers,” too.

Having autism doesn’t excuse creepy behavior.

Yes I was probably looking at her a lot without realising it. Of course if I was an 'attractive' guy she would probably find my behaviour endearing.


She probably wouldn’t. Being ogled at is not pleasant no matter what the guy looks like.



Jamesy
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07 Aug 2022, 12:06 pm

Like I said prolonged eye contact is a characteristic of autism.



TwilightPrincess
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07 Aug 2022, 12:11 pm

Like I said, excessive alcohol consumption in bars can lead to poor behavior.

Haven’t you made several threads recently about your behavior in bars?

Let me check…

Here we go:

Quote:
This girl who I have known for a long time since childhood and is part of my acquaintance circle (I don’t see the woman and her friends that regurley at the pub but they do show up from time to time). Well recently on weekends when I am out I have tried texting her but she has not responded to my messages. If you want me to be honest she has seen me drunk before at the pub I go to. On one occasion she did advise me to find other hobbies than going to the pub.

Do you think this means that the she dislikes me? The last time I saw her was a few months ago when she saw me drunk and being asked to leave the pub. :oops:



Last edited by TwilightPrincess on 07 Aug 2022, 12:33 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Jamesy
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07 Aug 2022, 12:13 pm

Twilightprincess wrote:
Like I said, excessive alcohol consumption in bars can lead to poor behavior.

Haven’t you made several threads recently about your behavior in bars?

Let me check…



Even when I am not drinking I make inappropriate eye contact.



Nades
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07 Aug 2022, 12:15 pm

Twilightprincess wrote:
Like I said, excessive alcohol consumption in bars can lead to poor behavior.

Haven’t you made several threads recently about your behavior in bars?

Let me check…


Excessive alcohol and autism can lead to excessive eye contact that can creep women out unintentionally.

Linking it to actual poor behaviour seems antagonist towards Jamesy. Doing so makes it seem intentional which clearly wasn't the case.



DanielW
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07 Aug 2022, 12:16 pm

Jamesy wrote:
Like I said prolonged eye contact is a characteristic of autism.


I do that. Sometimes I'll start out looking at someone, especially if something about them catches my eye, but then I sort of freeze like you might if you are daydreaming or something. Most of the time I'm no longer aware that I am still continuing to stare. It's something to be mindful of, because it does make everyone very uncomfortable. Even myself, when I realize I have been doing it.

I think mine is a throwback from Eye-contact training I had as a kid. Making eye contact is almost painful for me, so I tend to "space out" while I am still making eye contact. It happens with everyone, not just people I might find attractive.



TwilightPrincess
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07 Aug 2022, 12:17 pm

Jamesy wrote:
Twilightprincess wrote:
Like I said, excessive alcohol consumption in bars can lead to poor behavior.

Haven’t you made several threads recently about your behavior in bars?

Let me check…



Even when I am not drinking I make inappropriate eye contact.


Now that you are aware of it, you can work on it.

You don’t want to make women uncomfortable, do you?

Just avoid looking at a specific woman for a prolonged period of time.

Autism is not an excuse for creepy behavior. Don’t chat up women who are on dates and don’t ogle them, either.

Maybe stop frequenting bars.



Last edited by TwilightPrincess on 07 Aug 2022, 1:18 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Nades
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07 Aug 2022, 1:18 pm

Twilightprincess wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
Twilightprincess wrote:
Like I said, excessive alcohol consumption in bars can lead to poor behavior.

Haven’t you made several threads recently about your behavior in bars?

Let me check…



Even when I am not drinking I make inappropriate eye contact.


Now that you are aware of it, you can work on it.

You don’t want to make women uncomfortable, do you?

Just avoid looking at a specific woman for a prolonged period of time.

Autism is not an excuse for creepy behavior. Don’t chat up women who are on dates and don’t ogle them, either.


Maybe stop frequenting bars.


He didn't chat this woman up or intentionally ogle her though.



TwilightPrincess
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07 Aug 2022, 1:21 pm

Nades wrote:
Twilightprincess wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
Twilightprincess wrote:
Like I said, excessive alcohol consumption in bars can lead to poor behavior.

Haven’t you made several threads recently about your behavior in bars?

Let me check…



Even when I am not drinking I make inappropriate eye contact.


Now that you are aware of it, you can work on it.

You don’t want to make women uncomfortable, do you?

Just avoid looking at a specific woman for a prolonged period of time.

Autism is not an excuse for creepy behavior. Don’t chat up women who are on dates and don’t ogle them, either.


Maybe stop frequenting bars.


He didn't chat this woman up or intentionally ogle her though.


I can’t be certain of his motivations one way or the other as far as the behaviors mentioned in this thread (and others) are concerned. There are some red flags, though.

In any case, I’m just stating that it’s a good idea to avoid creepy behavior. We may be autistic but that doesn’t mean we are incapable of learning and improving and, thus, have a free pass to misbehave.



Nades
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07 Aug 2022, 1:28 pm

Twilightprincess wrote:
Nades wrote:
Twilightprincess wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
Twilightprincess wrote:
Like I said, excessive alcohol consumption in bars can lead to poor behavior.

Haven’t you made several threads recently about your behavior in bars?

Let me check…



Even when I am not drinking I make inappropriate eye contact.


Now that you are aware of it, you can work on it.

You don’t want to make women uncomfortable, do you?

Just avoid looking at a specific woman for a prolonged period of time.

Autism is not an excuse for creepy behavior. Don’t chat up women who are on dates and don’t ogle them, either.


Maybe stop frequenting bars.


He didn't chat this woman up or intentionally ogle her though.


I can’t be certain of his motivations one way or the other as far as the behaviors mentioned in this thread are concerned. There are some red flags, though.

In any case, I’m just stating that it’s a good idea to avoid creepy behavior. We may be autistic but that doesn’t mean we are incapable of learning and improving.


You made it seem like it was intentional though. You edited your comment several times to add he was using autism as an "excuse", i.e he knew what we was doing beforehand and used autism in retrospect for his reason.

It's all trivial anyway.



TwilightPrincess
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07 Aug 2022, 1:36 pm

Quote:
You made it seem like it was intentional though. You edited your comment several times to add he was using autism as an "excuse", i.e he knew what we was doing beforehand and used autism in retrospect for his reason.

It's all trivial anyway.


Behavior that makes others uncomfortable is not trivial, nor is the pattern of behavior of getting kicked out of bars, etc.

I’m not saying that he was using autism as an excuse beforehand. I wouldn’t know that one way or the other. He’s using it as an excuse now, though, and will probably do it in the future when something like this happens again if he doesn’t try to work on it.



Nades
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07 Aug 2022, 1:40 pm

Twilightprincess wrote:
Quote:
You made it seem like it was intentional though. You edited your comment several times to add he was using autism as an "excuse", i.e he knew what we was doing beforehand and used autism in retrospect for his reason.

It's all trivial anyway.


Behavior that makes others uncomfortable is not trivial, nor is the pattern of behavior of getting kicked out of bars, etc.

I’m not saying that he was using autism as an excuse beforehand. I wouldn’t know that one way or the other. He’s using it as an excuse now, though, and will probably do it in the future when something like this happens again if he doesn’t try to work on it.


Dropping a feather on my head makes me feel uncomfortable. Beating me half to death for standing in the way of someone on a hallway also makes me feel uncomfortable. Making others feel uncomfortable is a spectrum.

Autism has been proven to cause issues with eye contact. Sometimes it makes people uncomfortable and indeed, it's trivial.

Let's use common sense.



TwilightPrincess
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07 Aug 2022, 1:43 pm

Nades wrote:
Twilightprincess wrote:
Quote:
You made it seem like it was intentional though. You edited your comment several times to add he was using autism as an "excuse", i.e he knew what we was doing beforehand and used autism in retrospect for his reason.

It's all trivial anyway.


Behavior that makes others uncomfortable is not trivial, nor is the pattern of behavior of getting kicked out of bars, etc.

I’m not saying that he was using autism as an excuse beforehand. I wouldn’t know that one way or the other. He’s using it as an excuse now, though, and will probably do it in the future when something like this happens again if he doesn’t try to work on it.


Dropping a feather on my head makes me feel uncomfortable. Beating me half to death for standing in the way of someone on a hallway also makes me feel uncomfortable. Making others feel uncomfortable is a spectrum.

Autism has been proven to cause issues with eye contact. Sometimes it makes people uncomfortable and indeed, it's trivial.

Let's use common sense.


I am using common sense. We are talking about behavior in bars after a few drinks.

You don’t know how women feel in this scenario so don’t trivialize it.