Failure to find a girlfriend

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The common denominator in all the situations you describe is you. Maybe you think about why that is the case.

That is the implications I have been making all along -- there is something about him that all those women find unattractive.

First of all, I can be attractive and maybe even perfect in every manner, but if she really has a boyfriend, and not, only, saying, "I have a boyfriend", because she doesnt want to hurt my feelings, then no matter what I would do, a woman who has a boyfriend simply wont be interested. Why would she? Its rare women betray their boyfriend. She could do that, but why would she?

Many other things remain unknown. Most women didnt explain to me why. And to be honest with you, I asked "why?" every time. I always ask, because knowing the reason was always important to me every time. But I didnt always get an explanation. When I got an explanation, it wasnt good enough. It was like, mostly, a short statement like "Because I dont feel good about this" or something similar to that. And as you know, that doesnt explain much, obviously.

I think it can be my fault sometimes, but sometimes its completely her fault. She has a problem I dont know exactly what is, it could even be a mental problem, an emotional problem, a bad mood... many things. And these things arent my fault. It depends on whats going on in her personal life.

Overall, as you can probably tell, the reasons can be quite complicated. But in the cases where it was my fault, do you think its because of my glasses? Yes, I wear glasses in real life, and some women have a tendency in Israel to think, people with glasses look like nerds, and they dont like that. So it could be that too. But what would you say I need to do then, take off my glasses and have vision issues just to look better in the eyes of other women? And no, I dont use optical lens because they are uncomfortable.

I try to improve, but without knowing what it could be specifically, I might be trying to improve the wrong things.

Many, many things are important besides appearance. It’s hard to say what all you need to work on to improve your chances without knowing you personally.

It's very important not to seem "desperate."

I seemed desperate in my early 20s; women fled from me in disgust as a result.

Even then, a man who already considers himself attractive will not likely see a need to make improvements.

That’s true. It’s probably true of both genders.

I'm talking about general improvement. If there are things I do wrong, and you tell me how to do things right, I'll pay attention to that, and think, if I'm following that, or not.

We dont need to meet face to face and have a long deep conversation. We cant even if we wanted to. Why cant you list the things you think generally improve chances?


You sound as if you think I consider myself "perfect", "very attractive", etc... alot of assumptions. Are you able to list the things you think generally improve chances, instead of jumping to assumptions/conclusions about a person you dont really know?

I involuntarily left college for a couple of years and was freelancing as a software developer. When I returned to school flush with cash two years later I found that all of the ladies I continued my studies with were all very friendly and wanted to be friends, as I had the ability to explain the engineering concepts we studied and was helpful with assignments, but all were in long-term relationships. I've been in a triangle once before (involuntarily), there is no way in hell I'd do that again. My emotional state was far too fragile to be building friendships with women who are potential interests, who are already in relationships, in hopes that in the future they become single again. Some already sported engagement rings. A couple already had kids, even. I ran like hell from all of them.

The dating scene later in college really wasn't like it was when I was just starting college... Or maybe I just didn't know anyone closely like that early on. That might be it.

I was adamant about not using dating services, as I equate it to shopping. I find comparing people like that to be an unhealthy activity. I wouldn't want to be compared like that either. I only sought "natural" encounters in real-life situations.

Last edited by r00tb33r on 26 Aug 2022, 4:25 pm, edited 2 times in total.

No, that is for YOU to determine, but first you have to admit something about you could be considered unattractive.

Last edited by Fnord on 26 Aug 2022, 4:25 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Such a list would be extremely long! You could use the search feature and find a relevant post that talks about some things, though.

There’s probably an endless number of things that people might need to work on.

It would be easier to think of one’s potential deficits and work on those rather than go through some list that a stranger gave to him or her.

Maybe if you try to be friends with women first, you might get somewhere.

I have recommended  This Article  many times to men who cannot get a date and/or get "laid".  Topics include:

• Confidence
• Masculine Energy
• Good Social Skills
• An Interesting Lifestyle

The author is a professional "Confidence and Communication Coach", and his website has a lot of good advice on many different social subjects.

Sadly, most men seem to feel it is easier to blame women than to engage in self-examination and self-improvement.

I can say it could be lack of smiling sometimes, but is that seriously something that can piss women off, or disappoint other women?

Other times its just not being in the right place/time. I'm unemployed and I am also not studying anything. Does this have to do with starting a job / studies, is related to success with women?

I personally don't have a grasp on the concept of friendship. It's completely alien to me.

Does OP know how to do it?