Dating sites: Good? No good?

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I did online dating off and on from late 2004 until winter of 2014 when I met my second wife (online). I'd be lying if I didn't have advantages that likely made me more eligible than most men online. But few of the women I met (and I dated probably 40+ over the years and had short or shortish relationships with four of those in addition to my future wife) contacted me first.

My first contact would go like this: I viewed your profile and thought we might have much in common. If feel similarly, why don't you drop me a note? If not, I wish you all the best.

Another pro tip: once you have a texting or e-mail conversation, ask to speak with her (or him) over the phone. You get a lot more from a phone conversation. More than a few times I got off the phone and deposited their profiles in the rhetorical circular file.

I will share a line from my profile. It was "I have a mother and my children have a mother. I am not looking to fill either position." A lot of woman liked that.

I'll add that if you are not eligible in real life, you won't eligible to women or men in online dating.

Online dating is actually a good way of telling how physically attractive you are, since online dating is mostly based on physical appearance.


If you're able to get matches and dates without much difficulty, furthermore, with women who are conventionally pretty, you're probably a fairly attractive guy. When other guys complain about not being able to get any matches or any dates off of online dating and you have no idea what the hell they're talking about and you think they're simply not trying hard enough, you're probably a pretty good looking guy.


On the opposite end of the spectrum, if you've been using online dating for months and months, have good pictures, a decent bio, and you're STILL having a hard time getting matches or dates, furthermore, when you do get matches, they're fat and ugly girls, you're probably on the lower end of average, with a strong possibility of being below average looking. If all of your friends are getting dates and getting laid off of online dating, and you're doing the same things they're doing, but aren't getting any matches or dates, again you're probably not that attractive.



The bottom line is online dating will always work best for men who are a 7+ on the 1-10 lookscale. If you're an 8, then great! You'll love Tinder! If you're a 4, then Tinder will be crap. It's that simple.


----------Disclaimer----------- This really only applies to guys because let's be honest, any woman, even if she's a 300 pound behemoth is going to get matches no matter what.

They're good. Most of my dates have come from dating sites.

I've never used an online dating site, but back in the day I used postal dating services a few times, and I guess they must have a lot in common.

I quite liked the postal thing. You'd put a blurb in about yourself and / or read blurbs from other people of the opposite sex, pick one you liked the sound of, and write to them to see if they were interested in you. If all went well you'd exchange a letter or two, then a photo, then you'd meet up and take it from there. From that point onwards it was just like any other way of meeting somebody with a view to a relationship.

One criticism of the "dating through a medium" thing is that it attracts a lot of people who can't find partners any other way, and there might be good or bad reasons for them resorting to that process. It might mean there's something nasty about them that's stopping them from finding mates in the "normal" way, or there might be a perfectly good reason. The ones I found weren't noticably different from the ones I found by other routes. It might be a dangerous thing for a vulnerable person to try, but the same could be said for any kind of dating. Possibly it's more dangerous online because of modern scams.

I did notice that hardly any of the blurbs seemed like they'd be my type, so it was often a slow process like finding a needle in a haystack. It helped me focus on what kind of partner I wanted and what kind I didn't want.