my son cant seem to get a girlfriend

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As a fellow mum, with a teenage son 15, only difference mine is also on the spectrum, it's completely normal to have those worries. Heck my parents still worry about me and I'm 37

Its perfectly normal. He's about average at the moment. I know some of my NT friend's and autistic friends not getting girlfriends until their late teens early 20s. Some are happily married with kids now.

Try not to worry to much just take a day at a time and be happy when he does decide to introduce you to a special someone later on.

I wouldn't fuss about it.....

It's probably better for him to find that "special someone" after a good amount of time, rather than somebody who he found out of impulse.

Most likely It means your son is not attractive for the girls of his own age; and usually this is a sign that he's going to struggle in this even later during his adult life.

The other day my untra-religious uncle's wife asked me: "Haven't you find any girl you like yet"? (She doesn't know about my Filipina Christian girlfriend).
I remained silent.

I wanted to reply with something like: "Why are you assuming that these girls will like me back?" - because in my first 35 years of life, that was my problem: it was not me who was not capable to like girls, it was the other way around, I was not capable to make any of them to like me back. Why? Because I was short and ugly, that's why. https://www.huffpost.com/entry/sexual-i ... _b_8277298

They said the same thing to me when I was 19, 20, 21.

"Don't worry man, you'll figure it out"

Yet here I am 27, and still a virgin.

I'm not saying this will happen to OP's son. In fact, statistically speaking, he'll probably already have a girlfriend or two by his 25th birthday. And this is especially the case if he is good looking and neurotypical. But you never know, maybe the universe has other plans.

I don't think this is necessarily the case at 17 for several reasons.

For one thing, it's still fairly common and normal to be a virgin or never had a girlfriend before at 17. The average age to lose virginity is around 17-18, which means at least half of 17 years olds are still virgins.

Second, many 17 year olds arne't fully physically developed yet. It's entirely possible that OP's son is a late bloomer and he will grow into his looks when he's in his early twenties. Also, some 17 year old's will continue to get taller, although this is a minority of guys.



Now if OP's son is 25, and has been trying to find a girlfriend for years and is unsuccessful, then I would agree that he's simply not attractive enough for girls his age.

Nobody winds up a 30 year old virgin (not by choice) without a major obstacle that's preventing them from being successful in the sexual marketplace.

We don't know the exact situation of Caz's son. We're not with him when he goes out.

It could very well be that he does "the right things"----but that he just hasn't gotten lucky yet.

I wasn't exactly a Chad-type male. In fact, I was Beta-Personified. But I had a steady girlfriend at 18, she turned into fiancee at 19. We broke up when I was 20----but that's par for the course with young relationships. We broke up and made up all through when I was 18-19. Par for the course, too.

I had droughts in my 20s----but, overall, I did okay. Still remained Beta-Personified. And only a high school graduate.

Aren’t you supposed to be 18 to be able to drink in the UK?

well some of his friends are 18 so i suppose they buy the drinks.i dont know what they teenage boys what tricks they have but a lot of under 18s drink


my son is very thin but is taller than me

i think its shyness that holds him back

yes nts can be shy too.like one of the other people in this thread said he will figure it out

Tell him to hit the gym at 18.

I bet he’ll be okay

I think it's typical for a cisgender heterosexual boy to be pursuing girls at 17, so if not then it's reasonable to describe him as a late bloomer. But it's not unusual and not a cause for concern. Some parents would be delighted their son isn't "getting involved".

Like how you did bet on me more than 10 years ago?

Question: is it mom who is worried that he cannot find a girlfriend, or him who is worried that he cannot find a girlfriend?
Get him guitar lessons. Collage guys who play guitar are instantly more attractive to women.
Dance lessons can also help. My daughter is aged 20, and she says swing dancing is big at her college.
When I was in college I decided to learn all I could about dating by reading all relevant self help books.
Shy guys can learn a lot from reading.
There are rules and nonverbal queues that can be used to help the odds.
You say he has friends who are girls and that he goes to bars.
You don't say if he actually asks girls out on dates.
The British have a saying: "don't ask, don't get".
If he is asking and getting turned down then he can work on his technique.
If he isn't asking: that needs to become a goal.
Also: before asking can come "flirting". My daughter, age 20, says that "flirting" and "being a flirt" are the same thing to her and her friends (and both mean something like "being a tease" or "being promiscuous" or "being insincere"). They weren't the same thing in my day. I don't know what it might be called now, but using non-verbal and verbal signals, in a playful way, to let it be known that you are interested or available, is an important part of the whole dating scene.
There are web pages, youtube videos, books and even classes on flirting.
My oldest son is diagnosed ASD, age 22. He gets a "deer in the headlights" look when I bring up dating.
His younger brother, age 12, is much more social by comparison, but he is still socially awkward.
He (DS12) is willing to go to a school dance and ask a girl to dance with him.
DS22 never went to a dance unless forced, and would sometimes escape to the school library and hide there.
He never asked a girl to dance.
Asking a girl to dance can be a low pressure way to practice (building up to) asking for a date.
"Faint heart never won fair lady"
"Nothing ventured nothing gained"

● practicalpie.com - The HOTAPE Method - Flirting Framework

● wikihow.com - How To Ask for a Date

Last edited by Fenn on 22 Nov 2022, 2:20 pm, edited 2 times in total.

● wrongplanet.net - Dear Aspie, How Do I Learn to Flirt
● wrongplanet.net - Dear Aspie, Can Aspies Make Friends and Have Dates?

● wrongplanet.net - forums - How to ask a girl out
● wrongplanet.net - forums - AS Guy, Like An NT Girl, No Idea How To Ask Her Out

I've been here 8 years, Boo.

I would have thought you had a fighting chance.