Female needs help on dates!

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Yeah probably... but I know how guys work. I am just extremely paranoid of the intentions of every guy... and it's magnified when the conversation turns to such things.

Heh, I'm kinda the opposite - I get along with guys great and truth be told most of what you hear out of a lot of macho guys, who they've donkey punched, etc. etc. is all image when they're around other guys; its mostly an act. Its like when women have these conversations about guys, your best to just read between the lines - its not the whole of them or even necessarily the truth of what they feel overall about a situation but rather a superficial social facet of them and their friends just competing (humorously) to see who's got it locked better.

This would sicken me. First, if it's all an act, they're lying, and
I don't tend to get along well with pathological liers. Either way
though, it strikes me as somewhat less than genteel, to discuss
these things. Ah, 'tis a bit different here on the boards - we're
talking about people that others shan't meet, and I rather feel
that we're able to give a good view into out souls this way. To
replace whatever additional information would be lacking, in
person.

I think the right term for it is tongue & cheek - it takes a good sense of that to really understand a lot of people or why its not this dark and deceptive thing. Needless to say though you can still tell who's a good person, who isn't, and usually when I see a group of guys engaged in those conversations (or girls) I'm gaging if I'd even want to chill with em more based on just the rest of who they are. Mind you though, part of that last part is how they handle different people - ie. they don't put that on with me or if another guy is dating a girl who is nice they'll be very respectful of both of em and leave them out of it. With me being there they also know I'm not like that so they leave me out of the conversation.

step 1 : post a pic of yours before we can talk if there's something wrong in your behavior or not.

frankly, if I don't find something that turns me on sexually about a guy that wants to date me,
I don't have much to say to them anyway

Merle

Last edited by sinsboldly on 12 Aug 2007, 6:24 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Aren't you the one of the guys who are always complaining about women only caring about looks?

Besides, if she weren't attractive, they wouldn't be asking her out in the first place.

^^ I am not one of these guys "who always complaining about women only caring about looks" , I dunno where you brought this assumption but i am rather one of these guys "who always complaining about people and especially women who deny that they care about looks as priority - yet their behavior shows the complete opposite "

Last edited by LePetitPrince on 13 Aug 2007, 7:38 am, edited 1 time in total.

You can't know , desperate NTs act weirdly sometimes .

HEY!! that's me ! !! !..... (btw I am a frog in disguise)

You're right, and I apologize.

^^^^ I am not one of these guys "who always complaining about women only caring about looks" , I dunno where you brought this assumption but i am rather one of these guys "who always complaining about people and especially women who deny that they ** (correction)care about looks as priority - yet their behavior shows the complete opposite "

Certainly Gweneven, whether you knew or not, which I suspect at your age you do, any sexual references are an automatic greenlight most men, NT or otherwise, that you're interested in them sexually. Don't forget that mine are either interested in you sexually or not. Women tend to be interested in men for friendship or romance or sex or maybe a combination, but sexual references on the first date are really saying, "What are you into?"
Though myself I like that kind of double-edged humor where you see if the person is laid-back AND what they're into based on their response. I only mention the above because I know so soooo many women, NT or Aspie that go on what they consider to be a "good" date and the guys thinks it's a "good" date and after the girl's like, "Why'd he think I wanted to sleep with him?" Men's brains, NT men in particular, are hardwired to be on the look-out for "easy" sex or dating or both, and any sexual references on the first or second date will be interpreted as such. As an example, a very attractive Venezuelan friend was surprised that guy said he'd go get a condom after they'd made out for awhile and she'd removed her shirt and bra (and she is VERY well endowed to say the least), she said to me later, "Why EVER did he think we were going to have sex?"... To me it's just naive, but I try to keep a straight face now when hearing such stories of "good" dates turning to "bad" dates and worse... I just think, "Well duh, men are always looking for anonymous sex, what signals did you think you were giving him?"
Another example, I met a girl a couple of months ago and really seemed to click with her, at some strange point where all 20 PEOPLE that were there ended-up outside smoking, I guessed that her sexual innuendos meant "Go for the gold" and did and was rewarded by myself taking her shirt down to her waist and her bra off so I could "see my (her) cool tattoos." Anyhow, that one didn't go much farther, but my old roommate always said if a woman makes jokes about sex or asks what your preferences are in some other covert way, that's a greenlight. Whether you're interested in the guy or not, Gweneven, any NT will think so and keep going till you say "Stop."
Dating's hard anyhow, to OP here, especially if you're the woman. Yeah, keep asking questions of men, but open ended are best. So he has to think to reply, and you can really find out what he's all about.

Oh, man, my allergy pills have got me making all sorts of spelling errors today. At any rate, my reference to "good" dates going "bad," was that I know many women who felt that they were pushed too far, or even raped, when they seemed to be giving all the signs that what they wanted was sex. And the guy felt like he was just giving the woman the attention she had "asked" for. I've even known women, like an old drinking buddie of mine, who claimed she was raped and then later said, "Oh I really enjoyed it. I just overreacted because I didn't know what I wanted to begin with." That confused the hell out of me when she told me that two nights after making me and my friend pick her up all teary-eyed! I even know a girl who stalked a guy and later claimed he raped her. He claimed that of course she was interested in him and he acted accordingly. I honestly didn't know which one was the more credible of the pair. I mean, come on, if you're so interested in getting a date that you stalk someone (my ex stalked me for about a month before making initial "random" contact with me, I found out after we broke-up!) and then invite them to your place after you finally score a first date, what the hell does that say?
Of course, don't get me wrong, I think in today's society, people in general are taught not to take responsibility for THEIR actions, and that leads to even more problems. I like clear communication from men AND women. Though I know it won't happen most of the time
We might not realize it, but even NT men and NT women often COMPLETELY misinterpret the signals and language and non-verbal communication of the other sex and great misunderstandings abound.

I'm a lot older and still having some of the same problems- I have no idea what flirting is until it's over (and usually someone else tells me I was doing it). Eye contact with new anyone, forget it. I have noticed also in NT, well, acquaintances, won't say friends, that girls consciously learn how to manipulate guys in subtle ways (OK guys do it to girls too but it seems more benign because it's usually pretty transparent if you aren't dumb as a rock)- but I rank that among things I'd rather die alone than have to do. In other words, I'd liek to do some things better but I don't really ever want to be "smooth."

Aaanyway, one thing I can tell you is don't be afraid of a little silence. You dont have to fill the gaps, and it doesn't have to be awkward. It seems hard at first but you can decide at least you're not going to feel awkward, and the other person can sense that and will be more at ease, too. It will also give the guy a chance to steer the conversation a little, and bring up things he likes.

I think what the problem is that you havent found a guy whos interested in more than just sex. Once you find a guy who wants an actual relationship I think you should be fine