Red Flags

Post Reply New Topic

Favorite band ISN'T Pink Floyd, Led Zeppelin, or Black Sabbath.

love bombing
tells his friends and family that I'm keeping him from them when I tell him "I need time alone im an introvert and getting stimulated"
invalidation on feelings
invalidation of feelings
gaslighting
being hung up on exes or liking half-naked photos of women on ig.
shakes you during an argument
asks you to move in with him after only knowing him for a month
makes you pay 1000 in rent to stay with him and for all your food.
doesn't care when you have an autistic burnout
doesn't care or show interest in anything you like

Definitely smashing things out of anger.

Acts of revenge or retaliation.

Expects you to "fix" them.

Expects you to "complete" them.

Nothing is ever good enough.

"You're not like those other..."

"I'm not like those other..."

"If you really liked / loved me, you'd..."

Discourages you from doing things you enjoy.

Expects you to only find happiness in them.

Expects to be involved in everything you do, then expects you to do it less cos they find it "boring".

Their wants and desires are more important than your free-will or autonomy.

Their cheating is your "fault" for not giving them more of what they want.

They lie so they "won't hurt you".

They're more concerned with "how bad they feel" for having hurt you, than they are about having hurt you, or you being hurt.

Successes are because of them, failures are because of you.

Yeah, that one’s a biggy.

- uses threats stated or implied to get what they want

- tries to limit contact with friends and family

- invalidates your experience, especially if it might inconvenience them - “you’re not really sick,” etc.

- tries to dictate your feelings

- minimizes your experience

- says that you should be over the traumatic experience by now and implies that you aren’t trying hard enough

 This previous thread  covers basically the same subject.

I’m sure it’s been talked about before but some things needed to be said.

At this point, probably most things have been talked about before on WP.

It's always fun being told to "just get over" your past by the same person who use their past justify their lousy behavior.

One partner I had would chastise me for not magically getting over my trust issues and believing in them 100% even when they expected the unreasonable, but then perpetually expected me to "prove" myself to them because they were "cagey due to their troubled past". They would also talk down to people as if it was normal, and got offended if you tried to talk to them as equals.

Yes, I’ve experienced something like that. It would often be accompanied with reframing what they did to make it less bad. “You should just get over that.” It was nothing compared to what they experienced in their childhood. I was obviously being insensitive and not providing enough support! Their behavior was my fault.

- Hates animals.

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 15 Mar 2023, 3:23 am, edited 2 times in total.

- owns a human-sized cat

- owns a pocket-sized cat

Scared to become cat's dinner? I wouldn't blame you.

Now that’s a big p****!

- blames behavior on drugs or alcohol

- overindulges in alcohol

- uses drugs

Red flags that I have noticed regarding people who I have dated or had crushes on

1. When I was 18, a friend tried to set me up with a guy who told me that he was 17 when he was younger

2. I went on a double date with a guy who I just met at a train station, by meeting a friend and her then-fiancee.
A. He tried to overly impress me by telling me that he did all this traveling but was very vague in his details
B. He left to use the restroom and took his jacket with him but came back
C. He ditched us at a gaming venue
D. He told me that he was not looking for a girlfriend but was looking for a friend

3. The crush who turned out to be a narcissist
A. He told me that I had to prove to him that I was smart and geeky enough to be a friend in order for us to date.
B. He flirted with me when he wanted something but would otherwise avoid me and ignore me
C. He ignored me at a birthday celebration and talked to another female right in front of me did he get me a card or a present. When I confronted him, he never said he was sorry.
D. He tried to add me on Fakebook and I added him by asking what he wanted and it was, "Oh I just want to see if we can get along better now. However, I can't talk right now."
E. He kept changing his story about why we he wanted nothing to do with me

4. One time, I took a date to the homecoming dance where I went to University as in undergrad. When he dropped me off at home
A. He asked if he could sleep over though he lived in the same town
B. He turned off the car and gave my a hug sniffing my hair.

Tries to cut you off from your family and friends network.