How long do you wait before asking for a second date?

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This is what caught me: "I was going to message tomorrow, but is that too soon?"

It sounds like she wanted to message him but thought she should restrain herself because of some unwritten social standard. (Actually wait -- it is written! See below! )

The way I see it, it's no different than if she went out with a female friend. Female Friend messages to say they had a great time. Would OP overthink it in the same way? -- "Gee I want to tell my female friend I had a great time too, but maybe I shouldn't because of a rules book ... " ??

I doubt she'd act that way with a female friend (although I could be wrong.)

At the end of the day it's just manners. If someone messages you that they had fun with you, and you want to tell them you had fun too, it's polite to respond instead of trying to pretend you're indifferent. It's especially odd to me that people would only consider waiting if it's someone of the opposite gender (or a date potential of any gender, as opposed to a friend).

That kind of says society is dictating our behaviour based on gender norms and I think that's creepy, especially given the fact she WANTED TO respond but thought she shouldn't. I hate the whole "passivity" thing imposed on women. No wonder men get confused.

* TP I agree it's not that long of time, but still I hate this hard-to-get "Rules" crap.
I hope that's not what she's getting at.

Maybe you weren't raised on that book, but I was.
I mean ... women my age were.
I didn't play headgames although fat load of good it did me

^ I don’t see it as playing hard to get. I wasn’t thinking of rules, either. I don’t really know much about those. If she wants to respond sooner, she should, but a potential romantic partner is not quite in the same league as a friend. I am more cautious of romantic interests than I am with potential friends (of any gender). I wish I would’ve been so in the past.

Waiting 2 days to respond is not being impolite IMO. 2 days is just not that much time. I’m not saying that she necessarily should’ve waited. I just don’t think it’s a huge deal that necessitates an apology.

Good points. ^ I agree with you and hadn't thought of it that way.
It definitely doesn't require an apology or even an explanation unless she feels like she wants to apologise.

I don't want to derail but The Rules was ridiculous.
I remember something about telling men you have to wash your hair and can't talk.
Or, set a timer and lie -- so you never talk to them on the phone for more than ten minutes.
You always have to make like you're a mysterious fairy nymph just out of their reach.
I read the book with a look of shocked bewilderment that people can be so manipulative.

That sounds pretty awful.

I never read any books on dating. Well, I read JW articles on “courting.” I really should make a thread on that one of these days.

A courting thread might be interesting!

If he's on the spectrum, then there's definitely no "too soon." If he's not on the spectrum, there's definitely no "too soon." Guys get tired of being treated like a meal ticket or being toyed with as a cheap ego trip.

And any guy worth your time is probably going to have other options. A few days is probably not a major issue, but if it's weeks or longer, that's definitely a problem. Or really any time if the delay is some sort of cheap mind game.

I'm definitely not suggesting that you throw yourself at him, but guys, even non-autistic guys, can be pretty dense when it comes to all the signalling that women seem to like to use to spare them the risk of being rejected.I'm not entirely sure if it's that men are typically dense, or if women are just so incredibly bad at flirting and signalling interest that guys might as well flip a coin. (Although, I suspect that it's a bit of both, really)

lol, I read that as counting, which might have something to do with why it took me so long to meet somebody that was interested in getting to two dates. ah, ah, ah. sorry, not sorry.

A meal ticket?
Where did the OP say that he paid for the date?
I've never let a man pay for a first date, or any date really.

Nowhere. My point was that guys don't like being treated like that, not that the OP was treating him like that. Generally doing things that help distance from that are likely helpful, do long as it's honest.