Getting my brother to accept reality

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Might your brother be autistic too?

It's not your job to connect your brother with reality, especially as he's resisting.

Move out, live your life.

Given his somewhat extreme emotional reaction, I'd even suggest, for safety, moving out at some point without notification and not letting him know your new address until he's gotten over his issues. Perhaps not the nicest thing to do, but safety first.

If he genuinely needs day-to-day living help, maybe look into options for that. You don't have to implement them yourself, but you can let him know about people or services he can call (assuming he's capable of that - I don't want to assume).

He has accepted reality. His reality is if you leave he will be alone with no one to take care of him.

You know that is his reality, because you feel guilty about leaving him alone.

Reality for you is if you do not leave you will be alone, too.

He’s not keeping you there. You are keeping yourself there.

Yes he is autistic

Is that guy guilt-tripping you into staying with him, as well?

Because, apparently, I've been through a pretty similar situation you are in right now.

Man, did it really make me easily manipulated and gullible!

You mean Jerry?

I think he is out of the picture because the lady who introduced us had to stop working as our IHSS worker and probably told him to stop contact with me

What's your situation?

I meant your brother. -_-

Oh okay

In that case yes he is guilt-tripping me into living here with him!

My girlfriend has an autistic brother who's extremely controlling & clingy at times. Some of it is due to him having BAD anxiety & OCD. He's also a covert narcissist partly due to him having lots of various problems growing up & he feels the world & his family owes him. The thing is that the whole family had lots of problems & Cass & her other siblings were kinda neglected & fell through the cracks due to him getting most of the attention. Cass has an extremely hard time setting boundaries with family & feels very guilty for disappointing her family even if it really has nothing to do with her. Her brother needs everything his way on his terms & he's very manipulative with Cass & other family to try & get that. At times he's accused Cass of not loving him, blamed her for his feelings(told her she's making him anxious, angry, depressed ect), & he's threatened suicide before when she & their mom got angry at him over the way he was acting. For quite a while he was putting lots of pressure on Cass to move closer to him so she could see him more often. He never 1ce came here to see her & Cass says it's because he cant due to his issues like anxiety which sounds to me like she's making excuses for him. Shortly before Christmas when Cass was on the phone with him, he wanted to talk to me to try convincing me that moving closer to him would be best for Cass so she could see him more easily after Cass tried telling him she didn't want to move. I reached my breaking point hearing him using guilt trips to pressure her. I got angry & was very harsh with him. I majorly upset him & I do feel a little bad about that but he's lighted up a lot with her after & hasn't brought up her moving much since which is very good. He's been trying to take better care of his mental health & he started working again. Maybe being harsh with him helped snap him out of his funk Cass was very upset about me being harsh but I hated seeing the way he was upsetting her. I think it would be helpful for Cass to get counseling for codependency but she doesn't have enough spoons to add that into her life.

My advice for whatever it's worth would be to try & set firm boundaries with your brother. When he tries to act clingy & controlling with you, tell him that he needs to back off & let you live your own life for you. Try saying it in a much nicer way at 1st & get more direct & harsh if necessary. You might need to try & keep some distance from him as well. Getting counseling sounds like a good next step for you & I hope it helps a bit. IDK what kinda issues your brother has besides autism but if he has major problems with independence he might need to have someone be his caretaker/live-in-aid or maybe placed in some kinda group home situation but I'm probably not a great choice to advise you about that stuff.

Yes I believe it is time to set boundaries with my brother!

I know I mention the cartoon SpongeBob SquarePants a lot but he's acting like how SpongeBob acted when Sandy tried to leave and go back to Texas

In the end, Sandy decided to stay in Bikini Bottom with her friends but that will not be the case with me and my situation!

I want to experience a wedding and married life

He cannot stop me from going after my dreams and NEEDS to learn how to get along by himself instead of always clinging on to me!

Who knows?

Once I finally do get married I might end up hating it and wish I was living either by myself or with my brother again

I seen that ep a bit.

I'm sure that's very rough for both of you. I'm an only child & never had a close relationship with my parents, extended family or anyone except I've been very close & clingy with my romantic partners. Being clingy with romantic partners was a major part of why I f#cked-up my 1st two relationships so while I can relate to being clingy some, I cant fully relate to you or Cass's brother. Getting on anxiety & OCD medication is a big help for me within my current relationship but I've tried to work on myself in various ways as well. However some of it is also related to me being very protective of romantic partners & Cass having her own various issues is kinda a double edged sword. I have a reason to be protective at times & she appreciates that sometimes but is very frustrated other times. If your brother is feeling protective of you it may alleviate some of his concern to have a discussion about how your trying to be careful & safe. Tell him how you still want to have a good relationship with him & keep him in the loop some if he can back off a little. If anxiety & OCD are factors for him it might also help if he could figure out better ways to manage that weather it's counseling, meds, or making some various changes in his life or whatever but he'd have to work on that himself maybe with a psych.

Married life can be very difficult for me & Cass at times(OK lots of times) but we find each other easier to live with than our families have been. When she's in a better mood she thinks I'm easy to be with. Her brother & family are some factors for why she feels that way. I have a bit of the qualities she really likes in her brother but not all the extreme negative 1s I & feel familiar. My mom would say I'm very demanding so it's all relative. Me & Cass being able to relate & understand each other & having some similar preferences is a big factor as well. I would advise trying to spend a bit of extended time with the person before getting married or officially moving in together. I think being somewhat comfortable with each other is very important.

1. You can't be certain you'll meet your soulmate at a Day Program. Don't set yourself up for disappointment with such high expectations. It could be a place to meet a friend, or more, but so could anywhere.

2. Your brother doesn't even have to accept what your goals are. You just simply have to have your own goals and pursue them. Whether your brother accepts them or not is irrelevant. You can sincerely communicate what they are, but he doesn't Have To ever accept them in order for YOU to pursue them. Just ignore your brother if he's not accepting or supporting of your goals. Live your own life.

Yeah I might not find anyone in Day Program

But it's still a possibility and he has to understand that!

My soul mate could materialize ANYWHERE and at ANY TIME

Why does your brother need to understand that in order for you to pursue a date or relationship?

It's not like you're dating your brother and need to officially break up with him in order to date someone else. If he doesn't accept or comprehend that you want to date someone and find a relationship.. so what? It's not for him to decide what you do. He doesn't need to accept it for you to do it.

Well said. My guess is that she has a close relationship with her brother & she wants to maitain a good relationship with him while also having a romantic partner. It can majorly s#ck to feel like she has to make that either or choice, especially if her brother is guilt tripping her intentionally or unintentionally I could be wrong & I really hope it's a lot better than that.