Help! NT coworker in (unrequited) love with me

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^^ Ok i ll pretend (not really convinced tho)

I agree with Mordy , you already waited too long and he 's being attached to you more and more , it 's time to end this . And never expect that you will fall for him , since you didn't like him since the first impression then you ll NEVER like him .
Your friend is like these 'friend' guys described in the ladder theory , he doesn't see u as a friend but as a potential gf , he is only being your 'friend' because he 's hoping that you ll fall for him day , you are giving him false hopes by accepting this friendship. You have to end it , UNLESS if you enjoy to exploit him emotionally (many mean and psycho girls like to do that ) . That's why i said that the ladder theory (regadless the vulgar terms used by its author ) is very true in real life .

Even a friendship relation won't work , you ll have to cut all contact with him

The 'use' colloquillism is fairly common.

I don't believe in ladder theory, but I don't think there is anything wrong with men that persevere. Doing the opposite hasn't got a great success rate. You can't have it both ways; there is a natural aspect to it. There is a modern equivalent to displaying.

It does depend where you are coming from. Bonobos are closer to us genetically. But our relationship structure overall is kind of in between Bonobos and Chimps in terms of egalitarian/receptive and dominant/submisive it seems.

Well, I'm horrible at lying, so making up a bf is out of the picture.

Whether or not it is true that most men think with their genetalia, at least some of them also think with their brains. Those ones are capable of having friendships with women that to not overtly involve sex, even if their thoughts do stray into that area at times.

Use:
4. to treat or behave toward.
7. to habituate or accustom.
8.(archaic) to practice habitually or customarily; make a practice of.

-Random House Webster's Unabridged Dictionary

If this guy is going through a divorce, tell him that you don't want to interfere in his business.
An imaginary BF is all you need to make him go away.

There is no point lying. You've known this guy for a while, he might believe you but there is a limit to how long you can keep pretence up.

LePetitPrince comment about ending the friendship it is not exactly the case but it can be dangerously close, if you don't some conscientious effort and he too has to want to do it. From experience it is possible to change unrequited fancy back to friendship (so far so good...). If is probably harder for both, if you see each other every day. The question is: Do you really want to be his friend, given what you know? I take it you find his advances annoying or even repulsive, rather than as a compliment? That uncomfortable feeling has to go if you want to carry on being friends. He can still admire the person you are and even think you are pretty but as a friend, I wasn't sure about that but it is possible, I can’t make her fancy me. I suggest you get it all down. Kind of like what I did but from the fancied rather than fancier position. It is not easy but it is still it is much harder being the other way round. You can't do it from a repulsed/uncomfortable point of view you have to put that aside. If anything that could make him more desperate or hurt. Take into account he is going through a difficult time. We ASD are sometimes criticised for our lack of tack so literally count the number negative and positive sentences so it is fairly equal. Get someone you trust to read it through. I think that is the best way, unless you are really good at talking. Give it your best shot it is worth a try. If he still doesn’t the message then you might have to be much blunter but save that for now. Still in the first instance you still should say it as it is, all of it.

No slight on those that might have said it to me, but I’ve heard a number of times (for various reasons) “don’t hold me as an example...I’m the worst person to copy when it comes to the opposite sex”. Chances are he likes you for who you are not because you are some generic.

He is going to need time to get used to it. It might be a good idea to have some weeks breathing space.

This thing with men thinking with their genitalia that is only half the story. Men and Women do make insightful decisions but they are also influenced by their hormone levels, culture, human behaviour and countless other things. There is no absolute free will.

In general there is no point loathing being admired while at the same time sorting out the weeds from the chaff. You are playing the same game. You have to be careful what you wish for as they say.

Transitioning from friend at work to real friend in the real world is troubling. First of all, is this someone you would seek out as a friend? Have you had long, deep, personal conversations? He is getting divorced, so he either needs a shoulder to cry on or a rebound victim. Both are taxing and time consuming.

If you really want to be his friend, start out with doing things with him only when you are bored to tears and have nothing else to do. If he can’t accept that you have a busy life and wants more time, ask him what his true motives are. If you are enjoying your time together, spend more time with him.

I have guy friends and girl friends. Guy friends are good for non girly things, like home improvement projects, political or philosophical discussions, trying new restaurants, etc. I have not slept with any guy friends, although I am pretty sure if I accepted their offers…they have all offered except for one. It’s just important to remain firm that you like his brain but are not attracted to him, period. This is where it is really important to be direct and consistent. Guys who really want to be your friend will stick around for your company. I have some of the greatest guy friends!!

Ladder theory…definitely attractive. Not model gorgeous, but well dressed, good hygiene (trimmed nails, brushed teeth), good posture, confidence but not arrogance. Good work ethic, but not necessarily rich. Must make me laugh until my sides hurt. Most importantly, must simply be himself, beat to his own drum, and he must like me enough to want to keep me around!!

As far as the situtaion, I would just steer clear for a while. I HATE doing this, but soemtimes (with NTs mostly I think) it seems like you have no choice but to be "busy" even if you aren't. It's less distasteful to me to keep it generic and not make up stories about what you are "busy" with.

Ladder theory- one thing I have noticed is I try to have real friendships with some guys, and treat them just like my girl friends and THEY make it weird/treat me differently because I am female. I do have other genuine guy friends, though.

Dont jerk him around...dont be ambiguous dont go out with him "as friends"

Be honest just tell him

"I want to keep your friendship but the gifts need to stop, your requests for dates and activities to do with me are making me feel uncomfortable. As your friend
I want to be honest with you and not string you along, I am not attracted to you at all and there is no romantic possibility between us. If you want to remain my friend
then you need to back off for a while until you can accept and understand this."

If hes not willing to accept that then you need to end that friendship.

Tell him flat out you are not interested. Perhaps even suggest counseling. It sounds like he is trying to get through a tough time, his divorce and its emotional aftermath, by locking in on someone else (you). He's trying to relive the happy times in his marriage and go into denial about his grief his marriage is ending.

That would be my best guess. But if he seems crushed and you don't feel right suggesting counseling to him then don't.

But definitely make it VERY clear you are not interested in going out with him.

If it continues, ask him to please stop asking you out.

If it still continues or especially if he gets irate, tell your boss. Because this is sexual harassment really - even if he hasn't done or said anything sexual, he is being inappropriate to the work place and soon it might affect your work. (If you get upset or try to avoid him, it might take your focus off work.)

Good luck.

PS, I just thought of something and wish to add this: Maya Angelou, I think it was, said "When someone keeps asking past when you have said NO, they are trying to control you".

For this reason, this man would not make a good friend. He does not care about your wishes. He is only thinking about his needs right now (and not very clearly, at that). Don't even be his friend. Find some other friend. But really, in my opinion, he is harassing you and you may be a bit naive about it, since you are having trouble getting rid of him. You can be polite but be VERY firm and clear. And as I said, if it continues, tell your boss. His behavior really is inappropriate.

It's best to be direct and honest with him. If you don't like him more than a friend, then tell him so. Don't put him off or lead him on. A clean break is going to hurt him a lot less than just leaving him to wonder if he has a chance with you or not.

I just got over a chick who didn't want to be my girlfriend, but lead me on for a while before finally telling me what she felt, or in this case, did not feel.

In the end he'll appreciate the direct response more. Trust me on this.

Well, I told him that we could be friends, but he was thinking 'NT best friends that do everything except sex together,' and wanted more attention than I give any of my other friends or even than I gave my last bf. He got the picture after a week or so, and said that he will back off.

I don't think that what he did was sexual harassment. I'm a grown woman; I've seen real harassment, and know the difference. I do think that he was lonely and desperate, and not thinking clearly; I don't think that he should be punished for that.

Lkl good for you!