How do you demonstrate interest in someone?

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If it’s about L&D, this forum would be more appropriate IMO.

And extreme silliness, too. Happy to jump aboard that train.

But for those who want more serious answers, I'm happy to provide some hopefully-helpful perspective on that, too:

1) always consider the other person's perspective before hitting on them. This includes important things like not hitting on somebody in an elevator or any other area where they can't just walk away. This includes not hitting on your waitress because she has no choice but to return to the table. (Save it for after the meal if at all. It likely still won't be welcome, but this is far better than during the meal)

2) One of the most important things is to just keep it casual. If you start getting obsessed with the person before you even talk to them, well, that's something that some of us are prone to, and it's very unhealthy. It comes across in the conversation instantly and creates something like too much imbalance of interest. It can feel creepy on the other side due to the large imbalance. If this happens to you, and it has certainly happened to me in the past, you can look into healing your attachment style, reading up on avoiding limerence, and ultimately, with any likelihood, continuing to work on your sense of self-worth.

3) you can open with an observation, you can open with a question, you can open with a compliment... There are so many ways to begin a conversation. I'll set out some ideas here.

If opening with an observation about your shared surroundings, you can use whatever humor works for you, or, you can just have a straight delivery. If you're out looking over the Grand Canyon, it wouldn't be inappropriate to start with something like "Wow, this is really one of those places that makes you feel connected to the Earth. It's incredible isn't it?" But if you're going to use an observation, make sure it's something that you could actually handle having a conversation about. I don't go to art museums and strike up conversations about paintings, because I don't have a damn thing to say about them.

If you find yourself interested in someone in a more mundane setting, a compliment might be more appropriate. General rule here is to never compliment their body, but to instead compliment something that they have clearly put effort into or something that is clearly based on a decision they have made. Choice of haircut, a shirt with your favorite band, fashion in general. If somebody walked up to me and said "wow, you're pale and I find that really attractive" -- funny as that is -- It would be much more meaningful if someone told me they were inspired by something I said, or even if they appreciates the style choices I made in that day's outfit, the choice to wear suspenders instead of a belt, whatever.

And finally, if you're going to express interest in somebody by opening up with a question... this is my favorite way to get to meet people. Because you're truly inviting them into conversation. Here are two examples from my own life recently.

At an airport: "hey, I'm traveling solo and I've got an hour until my flight and I could use some friendly conversation. Would you like to talk for a bit?" (they decline) "No worries, hope you'll have a great weekend."

At some outdoor seating at a resort, I walked up to a woman and made eye contact, then gestured to the open chair next to her. "May I?" (she accepts) "My god this place is beautiful, isn't it? It's my first time ever being here. What are the big secrets I should know?"

In that last example, I used another very powerful tool in getting to know someone and establishing trust -- asking for their help. This is a massively rapport-building move. For the vast majority of my life, my ego would never allow me to do this. And yet it has opened so many doors in the past few years. Be brave enough to show some vulnerability and ask for help. It speaks volumes of your character, and it also gives the other person an opportunity to feel good by helping, and it also creates forward momentum in the conversation.

I hope these examples are illustrative. I believe that learning to approach people and have conversations is an extraordinarily critical skill. I talk to strangers, real conversations, almost everywhere I go, almost every chance I get. Even as someone who needs an enormous amount of solo recharge time, even as someone who couldn't make eye contact 15 years ago, even as someone who gets very burnt out from the cognitive processing of social events... I am continually practicing my social skills.

I don't always get it right. But I'm always trying to get better. Because every great opportunity in life involves other people. All of the knowledge, all of the wealth, all of the sex, all of the perspective. The ceiling on how much of these things you can experience alone is very low. Almost all the best stuff in life is gained through relationships with other human beings. Or aliens. Whatever.

And it takes practice. And it takes failure. And that's going to suck. It's going to hurt. So do it often, do it early, get rejected, let it hurt, and recognize that there are about a million reasons for rejection. Practice this. That way you're not metaphorically showing up to a shooting competition, trying to shoot your shot, when you've never even held the gun before.

So for rse92 and others, I hope that's helpful. If you want more good information on this stuff, I suggest checking out Charisma on Command on YouTube. I also recommend the video "The real reason you don't get a second date" by Dr. K at HealthyGamerGG. As well as, frankly, all of his content, which is fantastic.

Now, you'd better believe I still want to see a bunch of silly and extremely silly stuff coming after this!

Thank you for your input. One thing I learned after my divorce when I was out in the world again is that I could be rather charming when I want to be. Once I began to date seriously I never had a problem getting dates.

I think the key is become the best man you can be. It’s helpful to convey interest to a woman when you are a man worthy of interest yourself.

^^ I ride the elevator every work day, as I have for most of the last 38 years. These days I smile at almost every attractive woman who enters the elevator or who is in the elevator when I enter. I say almost every one because I can tell some just aren’t in the mood. Anyhow, they invariably smile back at me. It’s affirming for them, coming from a man who, depending, is older and mature or who is their own age, as the case may be. I, and we, willeven engage in small talk, again depending, usually about the crappy weather we just walked in from or some complaint about the building management or the inanities of being a lawyer. I’m 63 and married, so I’m not hitting on them, whereas if I was younger and single might try to build on these little interactions over time.

I expect potential suitors to perform a mating dance.



Apart from that, I prefer that people are their authentic selves instead of pretending to be someone they aren’t. Being charming can be a red flag.

Here’s one tip you won’t get anywhere else: compliment her accessories. “That’s a very nice bag.” “That’s a lovely necklace.” This one will always break the ice: “That’s a lovely pin you are wearing.” I wouldn’t start a conversation that way, but once you are into it it’s an easy way to demonstrate that you are a detail guy and that you respect her eye for fashion.

I would be careful about dishing out compliments, especially in the beginning. It can read a bit creepy and desperate. Instead, engage him or her in a normal conversation and listen and respond to what they have to say.

If it is a red flag turn off, then so be it. Trust your own instincts.

I can’t pretend to be a beta orbiter because then I would not be authentic.

I wasn’t advocating that people be “beta orbiters.” I just think that people should be cautious with the advice you’re suggesting if they want to be successful. Maybe our differing perspectives is, in part, generational.

I compliment women on their accessories all the time — my secretaries, other attorneys, etc. Why? Because they appreciate it.

My initial advice stands. If you aren’t going to engage in self improvement to become the best man you can be, nothing else I can say will do you any good.

I was a successful guy, having been accepted to an Ivy League law school, before I ever seriously dated. I needed to gain self respect.

If a young man compliments a woman he is interested in a lot, she might think he is simping and trying to get in her pants as quickly as possible. I really think that there are generational differences here. For younger folks, the focus should be on genuine conversation and listening, not charm and not putting a woman on a pedestal.

Therein lies the problem. Everything can be taken two ways. It's complimentary or creepy, polite or intrusive, leading or misleading, and so on. The best of intentions causes the worst of disappointments. It's a lot like that movie War Games - the only winning move is not to play.

A genuine compliment is cool, but I’d be careful about it in the beginning. That’s all.

1) lovely clip from a lovely episode of a lovely series.

2) I think charming could be a yellow flag, sure, but red? I happen to enjoy the company of several charming people, as well as (reportedly) being one myself. I see it more as a yellow flag suggesting caution and determining the person's level of authenticity. I think charming and authentic is a fantastic and rare combo.
(Maybe this is all just a definitional difference and I'm too deep in the weeds here.)

3) And to make sure my advice above isn't being misinterpreted, I should make clear that everything I wrote in my post above does indeed hinge on actually being authentic. It's as TP says. There's no other way. I'm not suggesting that you simply make things up. You have to have real things to talk about, and you have to be you. Everything that I wrote up there should be looked at from the perspective of authenticity and vulnerability. Hopefully that was clearly implied, but then again, nobody here actually knows me yet, and it's easy to doubt the intentions of strangers. But when I asked that person about the secrets of the resort, I was genuinely curious and excited because the place was incredible and I was new there.

A lesson I learned from my days of self-rejection and therefore accidentally showing up in the world inauthentically:
If you have to "act a part" to get someone to spend time with you, what's going to happen when they find out who you actually are? And, worse yet, aren't you just selfishly wasting their time and hoping they'll invest into an illusion?

Authenticity takes a lot of bravery for some of us. But the HQ relationships you eventually find on the other side of it are ample compensation for the fear and the pain. Even if that may seem impossible at the beginning.

Maybe it’s a yellow flag for some and a red flag for others. For me, charm is more of a red flag based on past experiences although I suppose it would depend. A person could be naturally charming without just pretending to be. It would take time for me to work that out.

Oh, and another solid way of demonstrating interest.

Using orbital lasers, engrave an image of their face into a large swath of land. Wait for the next pass of updates to Google Earth. Drop them a location pin. Receive appreciation and admiration for this grand gesture.