Do you ever wish you had some other affliction?

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Even though the thread is mainly about how being on the spectrum impacts one's dating/sex life, I also made the comment on my OP about how being on the spectrum holds a lot of us back professionally too. It's inevitable for side discussions to pop up.

I realized I didn't answer the thread title question

For the most part I'm OK with having autism. I think the problem is that society is not very understanding or more like me in certain ways. That said I've tried to work on better understanding myself & my issues as well as trying to improve myself & deal with my issues in various ways. At this point in my life & for the last decade I just don't feel that my autism itself is a major problem in my life or my relationship. Instead of trying to cure my autism, I would much rather have a normal non-disabled physical body for a 41 year-old or at least not have certain physical issues & I might be willing to accept having more mental issues as a trade-off. I've dealt with various mental stuff in the past & if those issues start to flare up I'd like to think that I'd handle myself a lot better than the past.

Other than my bumbed up right knee? Yes.

Then what did you mean in your original post?



If the takeaway from being rejected is "I'm not missing out on much", then what you are saying is that you don't really want to date women. Maybe a little, but disappointment from a rejection is enough to make you say that you're generally not interested, so it's not very important to you. Now, obviously, it's possible that your statement is due to the fact that your pride is wounded, and you don't actually feel that way at all. But that's not what you said. Please explain more fully what's going on, because based on your words, it sounds like you would be happier if you stopped asking women out.

I have pretty much stopped asking anyone out.

What I meant by the comment you're asking about: The vast majority of gals I've asked out in person have turned me down. In-person ask outs have never gotten me anything more than a short-lived girlfriend so strange I had to break it off after a week (and coming from me, it's saying a lot when I call her extremely strange).

What I'd like is for a woman I'm able to stand for more than a week to accept my in-person ask out. Something that's never happened. If it couldn't happen when I had my 20 year old looks, I have no reason to believe it can happen at 33.

Rejections are disappointing, no doubt. The bigger disappointment though (in this context at least) is how miserable the one success was.

Here's an analogy: Imagine your income is so low, the only way you can afford to eat out is by going to McDonald's. And you end up not even enjoying the food very much (because of how low quality the food is). All the finer dining establishments turn you away (metaphorically) because you don't have the money for their prices. It isn't far-fetched to conclude you might give up on going out to eat entirely.

Oh, absolutely! Stay home and cook something cheap & nutritious.

That's what I was getting at: it's not a binary choice (hah!). It sounds like you'd be happier at home rather than McD's. So don't force yourself to go to McD's just because TikTok etc. says that everybody goes out to eat. It's not actually true, so why be psychologically bullied?

Also, the idea that you're less desirable at 33 rather than 20 is not necessarily true. Young men at 20 might look cute, but they're usually not fully baked yet.

This might seem like an odd story to tell, but I had a friend who went bald in high school. Definitely affected his dating options. But when his marriage of 15 years fell apart, he found himself back on the market at 40, competing with guys who were just starting to lose their hair and freaking out about it. He was comfortable with his baldness, and that confidence meant he found a much better match the second time around.

You're not competing with college students to find a date; you're in your 30s, and by that time, most women aren't so thrilled with frat boys.

Good point (about how college men aren't my competition anymore), especially seeing as I prefer a woman older than myself.

I don't wish I wasn't autistic. There are some things I do (like my stims) that I was taught to hide most of my life. But ever since I discovered I'm autistic (and looking for an actual diagnosis) I've come to realize that's just part of who I am. I think my girlfriends would agree. They've never said anything negative about it.

Now, my bipolar disorder, that you can have. I'm so over that. That one has caused problems before.

I'm ambivalent about my dyslexia too. Sometimes it's OK and sometimes it gets in the way when I'm writing one of my books. And sometimes my reading comprehension isn't what it could be. I'll either read things the wrong way or just not be able to understand what was said and need to ask them to put it into different words. Here's a good example (totally made up though):
Her: Mary had a little lamb.
Me: That's nice. I don't like mint jelly with mine though.

And fortunately I'm good at math. I'll sometimes switch the numbers around, which is why I prefer things with variables to straight addition and the like. But I'm actually working my way up to teaching myself calculus.

Oh boy, highschool I made a lot of rookie mistakes and probably self-sabotaged. A lot of girls were into me back then,
Those were the days, my friend
We thought they'd never end
We'd sing and dance forever and a day
We'd live the life we choose
We'd fight and never lose
For we were young and sure to have our way
La-la-la-da-da-da
La-la-la-da-da-da
Da-da-da-da, la-da-da-da-da

I don't like having ASD or ADHD or APD but if I had the choice to fix one thing about me I'd fix my hearing.
I find it more frustrating and isolating than the other conditions put together, and hearing aids are no help whatsoever.
Maybe oversensitive hearing might not be great either, but at least I'd be able to wear headphones or earplugs.

I'm afflicted with other people, not autism.

Since I've only been single for 5 months in my entire adult life, I wouldn't say autism has affected my chances much (at all).

Yeah, but you're super hot so it's a trade-off.

I owe it all to hyperactivity and lard.

And your impeccable style manners taste in carbohydrates.

I guess I would take Schizoid PD over autism as you don't care about being along with Schizoid, in fact you seek it out.