Is it "your fault" if you're 30+ and haven't found the One?

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Fnord
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03 Aug 2024, 6:06 am

chris1989 wrote:
Is it "your fault" if you're 30+ and haven't found the One?
If it is "your fault" then it is up to "you" to do something about it.

If it is not "your fault" then whose fault is it?  Which of the 8,000,000,000+ other people in the world is responsible for "your" inability to find "the one"?  Or are those 8,000,000,000+ other people all conspiring together to keep "you" from finding "the one"?

Which is more likely: One person's own inability, another person's preventive efforts, or a global conspiracy against "you"?


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Mikurotoro92
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03 Aug 2024, 8:18 pm

Absolving your responsibility of being pro-active and looking for love is just an excuse!! !

There is NOT a "global conspiracy" of people trying to keep you from a romantic relationship



LittleBeach
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04 Aug 2024, 8:45 am

It seems to me like the book is aimed at sociable women who have lots of boyfriends but haven’t managed to find the right one to settle down with yet. It doesn’t seem like an attack on people who find dating difficult in the first place (I don’t think that’s anyone’s fault)



chris1989
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05 Aug 2024, 10:20 am

I seem to be waiting for the chance of seeing someone who attracts me and then make the move to initiate a conversation with that person and go from there. That's how I met someone before when I visited a charity shop she was working in and one of the occasions I approached her and we started talking and then we met up and went out but we never got into a relationship though, she seemed eager at the time but I wasn't much as I felt it was too soon and ended up as friends instead. She was a really nice person but I didn't think she was someone I wanted a long term relationship with.

I don't know if that's a good thing to wait for a chance like that again or if I'm just wasting my time but not always using other alternatives like dating sites, meetup groups, clubs etc. But again these places don't really interest me in going as I was never a club going person and some meet-up groups I've come across don't seem to interest me.



lostonearth35
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05 Aug 2024, 10:30 am

Dr. Drew is a total quack and the author sounds like a total man-hater. Don't believe everything you hear, especially on the internet.



nick007
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05 Aug 2024, 11:26 am

lostonearth35 wrote:
Dr. Drew is a total quack and the author sounds like a total man-hater. Don't believe everything you hear, especially on the internet.
Drew seemed OK on Loveline with Adam Carolla when I was a teen.


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05 Aug 2024, 11:49 am

People have to put themselves out there to an extent and make themselves appear approachable.

If someone hasn't been able to form intimate bonds, even rudimentary ones by 30 then there might be one, or several off-putting traits that need to be dealt with. If someone has had several "seal of approvals" by 30 and hasn't formed a solid relationship, perhaps it's them being picky.



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08 Aug 2024, 9:56 pm

Well, hey, I already know there's a lot wrong with me! lol

Sadly, it's taken me a long time to recognize that kinda stuff. Some things I'm trying my best to improve (like finding a solid career, learning to drive, taking better care of myself, etc.) but other things like my reclusiveness/need for lots of space, my issues with socializing, my personality flaws, etc. I don't know if those things can be fixed. And then there's my appearance. :( (As I said to myself the other day when trying on one-piece swimsuits: "I look like a potato")


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09 Aug 2024, 12:14 am

Harmonie wrote:
:"I look like a potato")


Me: a sweet potato surely
Harmonie: y'am



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09 Aug 2024, 6:31 am

No it isn't.
It takes longer for some people to grow up.
Taylor Swift is a great example of someone that has taken a long time to grow up.
She was busy learning how to be a great entertainer and businesswoman!
Those skills took a very long time to acquire! Most singers never get to her level of business savvy.
She also had to deal with a ton of gaslighting along the way. Maybe this made her stronger?
In any case Taylor Swift is a great example because the gaslighting and other stuff is all out in public.
In fact, many of us saw it live as it was occuring! Like the time the big man interrupted her receiving an award!

Aspies take a long time to develop socially. Many don't have relationships until their 30s.
I don't think is is anyone's fault.

In the big picture it doesn't really matter, as most of us will live to our grand children in our 70s and 80s.
Not like the not so distant past where we didn't live that long.



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09 Aug 2024, 10:45 am

^Are you implying that Taylor Swift is Autistic?



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09 Aug 2024, 11:57 am

No, just that she is someone that has taken a long time to grow up.
She has been in the public so long that the changes are quite easy to see.



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09 Aug 2024, 8:51 pm

chris1989 wrote:
Yet?" and explained that for women, if they are 30 and still haven't found "Mr Right" it's not it's their fault it's "your fault" because in her words in the book, you are maybe "crazy", "selfish" etc. She did however say that "I'm not actually saying it's your fault, I'm saying it's your responsibility."


Clickbait



Harmonie
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16 Aug 2024, 10:18 pm

Carbonhalo wrote:
Harmonie wrote:
:"I look like a potato")


Me: a sweet potato surely
Harmonie: y'am


Lol.

Well, I am happy to report that this potato was brave enough to go to the beach in my new one-piece swimsuit! I'm so proud of myself! =D


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17 Aug 2024, 6:40 am

chris1989 wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
I wouldn't call it fault, but it is certainly an indication that there's something unforunate in Darwinist sense.


Why's that ?


Like what Fnord said, but I was trying to be tad more politically correct.



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17 Aug 2024, 6:45 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
chris1989 wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
I wouldn't call it fault, but it is certainly an indication that there's something unforunate in Darwinist sense.


Why's that ?


Like what Fnord said, but I was trying to be tad more politically correct.


Yeah I agree. It depends though on the level of interest someone has had in general. If people have shown absolutely zero interest in someone then it's likely some sort Darwinism is the cause but rejecting people who have shown interest, not so much.