No job means a gf is out of the question?

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I may socialise at pub on weekend but I also have meeting people volunteering during the week which is a great start


It's nice to do a mix of things

You'd have a better chance at getting a GF if you kept your money in your pocket instead of spending it at the pub.

Not having a job does not disqualify you from getting a girlfriend. However many women (and men) want their significant other to have some method of obtaining income. Some people are very shallow and set minimum limits that their significant other must earn. Others are not like that. You must figure out how to tell the difference. The general idea that the man has to be the main bread winner is an outdated concept now.

For some progressive minded people it may be an outdated idea, but look at approximately half of the voting population in the US who vote Republican for example, or any conservative base in the western world.

I have met several women who frown upon any unemployment of their potential dating prospects and you can see this sort of cultural opinion being peddled by people in the media, on television and so on.

The idea of a man needing to 'provide' is not at all out of date. Statistically, men are more likely to be in full-time employment versus women by quite a number of percentage points (some sources note this as a disparity of up to nearly 30% between the two sexes, with men being far more likely to be in full-time employment).

Part-time work often holds wage progression back for women in particular, hence the gender pay gap:

https://www.ft.com/content/fccde92e-0817-11e8-9650-9c0ad2d7c5b5

^ I'll add to my previous post with two examples of women I know who claimed to be progressive minded in general to other people, but for whose actions proved otherwise.

Woman #1 dated an unemployed man and dumped him because he didn't show any sign of getting a job. She declared him a 'bum'. She then spent several years unemployed and complained that her consequent husband didn't support her enough financially (even though he paid for a roof above her head, rent free and gave her 'spending money'). She lamented that "you can't even live on a partner's wage in this stupid country".



Woman #2 who lives with her parents and depends on them financially:

"Why can't I get a man with his own place who has a high paying job? I don't want to look after no man".

I've gone on dates with guys that were unemployed or underemployed. Like with anything else it's just a matter of preference and finding the right people. Not everyone equates a person's worth to what they do for a living, and I think it's great you're volunteering. I wish you luck Jamesy!

How much of this is a practicality thing vs a world view, though? In the USA paid maternity leave is not federally granted. It's luck as to whether you get it or not based entirely on your employer and whether or not they decide to fire you for being/potentially being pregnant. So having a partner that is employed and can help with bills/access to health insurance is very important if you want to have children in that country. I imagine it's less of a problem in places where there is federally granted paid maternity leave and protections. The same is also probably true of full-time vs part-time employment. In areas where child care is actually accessible and reasonably priced I imagine more parents are able to work full-time. When women are generally paid less, it makes sense that they'd overwhelmingly be the one who drop their job (especially if it wouldn't cover the cost of childcare) and shoulder that burden instead.

While I 100% agree that the idea that the man has to be the primary bread winner is outdated, we're also not that many generations past the point where women didn't have as many financial options as they do today. It makes sense that there'd be some vestiges of the past still clinging around. It's not just women too. I once told a guy on a date I make way more than him and honestly don't care how much my partner makes as long as they're happy (idk why he told me his salary or complained about guys having to be the breadwinner to me) and the whole rest of the date after that was super awkward and he promptly ghosted me. Also, before you ask, I picked a date spot that was free for him to go to. He didn't have to pay for anything. I'm pretty sure it wasn't that.

I'd argue that's a good reason to not seriously consider conservative leaning partners.

Also, welcome back.

Dancing around the house now on an expresso martini rush

It is true that a job is not a neccessity or required for a successful romantic relationship

But if you have kids...where is the money needed to raise them (not to mention the money for the birth itself) going to come from?

I actually kind of agree Jamesy, and you do actually make a valid point. And ultimately you do what makes you happy. But that's why when we want something in our lives that requires effort we make sacrifices or compromises.

Exactly

ESPECIALLY when it comes to finding love! !!

But the real sacrifice will come once I actually get married because that means I will have to stop living with my brother!

I would say that there is a blend of the two at hand, i.e, some women (probably more than half the adult female population in the US or the UK for example), for reasons of both practicality and the internalized ideology of traditional gender norms hold the view that men should have a job and should 'provide'.

I came to my conclusion of over half of adult women holding these views, because pretty much all female conservatives think this way and some progressives do, too, and together, the percentage of those people is likely to be > 50% of adult females or close to that figure.



True. The US is awful with regards to maternity leave.



I think it is worth nothing that women are generally paid less because of the types of job they do and also because of working less hours overall as a demographic, but yes, that does make sense - women drop their jobs for childcare more often than men do. I think as well as having poorer jobs a lot of the time, some women give up their jobs in part due to ideology, i.e, it is more 'natural' for a women to raise kids than for a man to do something similar.



Yeah, there are indeed men who seem to not be comfortable with women earning more than them. I don't really relate to that sentiment, but it definitely does exist as a concept and an attitude from men.

Maybe the guy in your given scenario thought you were boastful in telling him you made more than him? Maybe it was the way you said it and that alone? It could have been that he didn't like the way you said it, as well as the fact itself that you earned more than him. Or just the fact that you earned more than him as you imply (without him caring for how you said it).

Oh wow! Blitzy is back!
How was your "holiday"

Last edited by cyberdad on 16 Sep 2024, 5:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Thanks.

Yourself as well! The last time I was here you had been awol for a while.

Edit: it was a self-imposed "holiday". But it was cool, thanks.

Last edited by blitzkrieg on 16 Sep 2024, 5:36 pm, edited 1 time in total.