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A part of me wants to give up with dating

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Escape1894
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11 Nov 2024, 12:12 am

chris1989 wrote:
I have heard the saying "There is plenty more fish in the sea." But I seem find it quite hard to embrace that saying in order to remind me. To me, it feels like that sea is getting less of an abundance especially when I see people both in real life and on social media, in relationships, and married with kids, some are those from school or college days and some are colleagues from work. I know very well I am not the only one in the same situation but hard to fight the negative thoughts that contradict the positive. A part of me doesn't want to date anyone who has children or date anyone much older than me. A part of me feels that there maybe seems to be other people younger who have it better when it comes to dating because maybe not all their peers have settled down, got married, had kids etc yet but even though I know no body knows how old I am, they will probably still not be interested in me.


I’m sure most on here would disagree on this but it’s ok to give up on dating. Some people are meant to be forever single. It sucks but that’s life.



WantToHaveALife
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11 Nov 2024, 4:13 pm

Escape1894 wrote:
chris1989 wrote:
I have heard the saying "There is plenty more fish in the sea." But I seem find it quite hard to embrace that saying in order to remind me. To me, it feels like that sea is getting less of an abundance especially when I see people both in real life and on social media, in relationships, and married with kids, some are those from school or college days and some are colleagues from work. I know very well I am not the only one in the same situation but hard to fight the negative thoughts that contradict the positive. A part of me doesn't want to date anyone who has children or date anyone much older than me. A part of me feels that there maybe seems to be other people younger who have it better when it comes to dating because maybe not all their peers have settled down, got married, had kids etc yet but even though I know no body knows how old I am, they will probably still not be interested in me.


I’m sure most on here would disagree on this but it’s ok to give up on dating. Some people are meant to be forever single. It sucks but that’s life.


I know i sound like, or i am a broken record on this, but i'm sure for all time, those cases are male-dominated, i like to believe that more men than women throughout history have gone their whole lives without ever having been in a relationship before.



Escape1894
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11 Nov 2024, 10:22 pm

WantToHaveALife wrote:
Escape1894 wrote:
chris1989 wrote:
I have heard the saying "There is plenty more fish in the sea." But I seem find it quite hard to embrace that saying in order to remind me. To me, it feels like that sea is getting less of an abundance especially when I see people both in real life and on social media, in relationships, and married with kids, some are those from school or college days and some are colleagues from work. I know very well I am not the only one in the same situation but hard to fight the negative thoughts that contradict the positive. A part of me doesn't want to date anyone who has children or date anyone much older than me. A part of me feels that there maybe seems to be other people younger who have it better when it comes to dating because maybe not all their peers have settled down, got married, had kids etc yet but even though I know no body knows how old I am, they will probably still not be interested in me.


I’m sure most on here would disagree on this but it’s ok to give up on dating. Some people are meant to be forever single. It sucks but that’s life.


I know i sound like, or i am a broken record on this, but i'm sure for all time, those cases are male-dominated, i like to believe that more men than women throughout history have gone their whole lives without ever having been in a relationship before.


I’m sure there are some women in history who lived theirs lives being forever single. They just probably didn’t complain about it as much compared to men.



Mikurotoro92
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11 Nov 2024, 10:38 pm

^And we ALL know why men constantly complain about and lament about their single state compared to women...


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Pink Zeppelin
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11 Nov 2024, 10:42 pm

Mikurotoro92 wrote:
^And we ALL know why men constantly complain about and lament about their single state compared to women...



I don't



Mikurotoro92
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11 Nov 2024, 10:44 pm

Pink Zeppelin wrote:
Mikurotoro92 wrote:
^And we ALL know why men constantly complain about and lament about their single state compared to women...



I don't


Oh come on now

Really?!?


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11 Nov 2024, 10:48 pm

Yes, really. Is it because men are more stigmatized for being single ?

Or because they feel more entitled ?



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11 Nov 2024, 10:50 pm

^No, it's because they aren't getting their needs of $ex met!! !


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11 Nov 2024, 10:52 pm

that makes sense. That is an issue usually more difficult for men



Escape1894
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11 Nov 2024, 10:54 pm

Mikurotoro92 wrote:
^No, it's because they aren't getting their needs of $ex met!! !


I’m sure that’s the case for some. But for others, it’s just the wanting to be in one and never getting the chance to do so.



Mikurotoro92
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11 Nov 2024, 11:55 pm

Escape1894 wrote:
Mikurotoro92 wrote:
^No, it's because they aren't getting their needs of $ex met!! !


I’m sure that’s the case for some. But for others, it’s just the wanting to be in one and never getting the chance to do so.


But what do you think would be the primary motivation for a man to enter into a romantic relationship?


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12 Nov 2024, 1:36 am

Mikurotoro92 wrote:
Escape1894 wrote:
Mikurotoro92 wrote:
^No, it's because they aren't getting their needs of $ex met!! !


I’m sure that’s the case for some. But for others, it’s just the wanting to be in one and never getting the chance to do so.


But what do you think would be the primary motivation for a man to enter into a romantic relationship?


Why would men's motives be markedly different from women's?


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12 Nov 2024, 1:54 am

I am nearly 40.
I began dating more in my 20s.
I found that with a bit of effort, it wasn't that difficult.
But short term flings are not fulfilling in the long run.

A lot of it is self esteem. I feel ok about myself, but good enough to confidently go up to a woman
I find attractive and ask her out? I'm not even thinking about that. I'm thinking more about my own life and situation.

I am not proud of my current situation. I am not shy to ask a woman out, but unless I have my own life on the right track, I don't feel good about asking her out altogether.

Here's a beef I have with online dating sites. Some of these sites allow men pretending to be women to create profiles as women. Some of them are quite clever after surgeries and it can be difficult to tell whether it's an actual woman or not.
They present themselves as women when they are biological men. It's a fraud.

It's on the websites to change their platforms and create separate categories for trans women. A heterosexual man who is seeking an actual women has a right to expect to see profiles which are exclusively women. Especially when they are sending $$ for site memberships.

The site I've used has very deliberately ignored my complaints about this and refused me a refund when I asked recently

I put it in my profile that I was sick and tired of the site having biological men in the female category.

The site in my opinion is unlikely to make any necessary changes until it significantly impacts thier bottom line or unltil they face legal action.



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13 Nov 2024, 10:54 am

Mikurotoro92 wrote:
Escape1894 wrote:
Mikurotoro92 wrote:
^No, it's because they aren't getting their needs of $ex met!! !


I’m sure that’s the case for some. But for others, it’s just the wanting to be in one and never getting the chance to do so.


But what do you think would be the primary motivation for a man to enter into a romantic relationship?


I think there can be plenty of primary motivations:

1. Wanting to appear normal and be like everyone else
2. Wanting companionship
3. Societal/family pressure
4. Curiosity about what a relationship is like
5. Wanting acceptance/validation/unconditional love from another person

I am not saying that all of these are great reasons to get into a relationship but I do think that they are causes other than physical intimacy as to why a jan might not like being single. I know I have had several of these motivations in the past for a relationship, mainly to be like my peers and to stop looking inferior to the. Not the best reason, but it it was a non-physical reason nonetheless.



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13 Nov 2024, 1:57 pm

chris1989 wrote:
To me, it feels like that sea is getting less of an abundance especially when I see people both in real life and on social media, in relationships, and married with kids, some are those from school or college days and some are colleagues from work.

"Married with kids" is not the life sentence that fiction leads us to believe it is. It does make breakups MUCH much more difficult, but think about it...when you were a kid, how many of your friends and classmates had married parents? Let alone HAPPILY married parents?

But love is just an incentive to make babies, after that you're on your own. Being in a relationship just for the sake of it isn't healthy at all.

I do love my kid, but I am definitely done with dating. I don't even have time for it if I wanted to.
Before I met my child's mother, I spent a year being single, just having "me" time, and it was super productive.
Getting back to that is going to do me some good.


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13 Nov 2024, 7:23 pm

^Are you saying the ONLY real reason to get in a romantic relationship is to produce children?

Kids are just the default state for most married couples


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