Why are less people getting married?

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There is a MAJOR difference between "desiring marriage" and actually "getting married" though

Most people may desire getting married but only the ones who are dedicated and patient enough to slog through the dating/courting process succeed!! !

IDK what the situation is in Europe but here in the U.S people would rather co-habitate or stay single because it is safer

The question is backwards in a sense.

Marriage used to be more common because there was more social, religious, and political pressures to get married and stay married. Less people are getting married because it's more socially acceptable.

I have some theories as to what is causing this change:

-People do not wish to have to go through the long arduous tiresome process of dating/courting just to enter a marriage that might not ultimately work out!

-Marriage and everything that comes with it is too expensive so as a result less people decide to do it

-Cohabitation is a MUCH safer choice of relationship living configuration than marriage because it offers an easy way out if things were to go south with your partner and people are starting to catch on to that

-Also people have higher priorities in their life besides finding love like their careers or they just simply aren't interested in creating and maintaining a long-term romantic relationship

The only people left who still want to get married are the ones who want the wedding & honeymoon experience

That's the main reason I'm doing it!

Do you agree with my hypothesis?

Best explanation in my opinion

It's like as if humanity had a commitment issue all this time.

All of what you said is spot-on and makes a LOT of sense!! !

But I wanted to draw my attention to what you said about the many different possible risk factors for a marriage that could hurt its chances for survival...

Specifically the part about "aggregated data"

Are you suggesting that all the previously-mentioned risks if combined together (aggregated) have a higher chance of resulting in divorce?

If that is true...

Last edited by Mikurotoro92 on 05 Jan 2025, 12:12 am, edited 1 time in total.

Also what is the connection between pre-marital co-habitation & increase of divorce rates?

I thought co-habitation was an alternative to marriage not the precursor!

Cohabiting can be a precursor to marriage. I wouldn’t marry someone without living with them first, not that I want to remarry. Some studies have shown that couples who live with each other first are more likely to get divorced, but correlation doesn’t necessarily equal causation.

In very religious circles, people typically don’t live together before marriage. They often have a negative view of divorce, too. Some believe in staying together unless there’s infidelity which can be quite toxic. Just because a couple stays married doesn’t mean their relationship was a success.

I don’t really see divorce as a bad thing that should be avoided at all costs. If a relationship is leading to unhappiness or worse, there’s nothing wrong with ending it. Life’s too short to spend it in an unhappy marriage or relationship. That’s not to say that couples should give up as soon as they run into trouble. I’m just saying that it’s okay if it doesn’t work out.

I too believe in co-habitation as the precursor to marriage but unfortunately David does not!! !

Must have something to do with what you said about religious people
(David is a Christian)

My neighbor Glenn also does not believe in co-habitation prior to marriage

Again, he is religious

Same holds true for my neighbor Anita I think

Now I am beginning to sense some sort of pattern here...

The connection between co-habitation as a precursor to marriage and divorce!! !

I believe the reason a lot of marriages of my friends and neighbors have lasted for 10 years or more is because...they did not co-habitate before getting married?

In other words they immediately jumped to marriage without living together first!

Might I even suggest that Christians are the ones who have the longest marriages?

What do you think TP?

Last edited by Mikurotoro92 on 04 Jan 2025, 11:33 pm, edited 1 time in total.

No, that’s not what I was suggesting. I’m skeptical that cohabitation itself leads to divorce.

Maybe your friends were fortunate in finding people who were right for them.

Oh okay

I misinterpreted!! !

Well...co-habitation can also lead to the decision of not getting married at all

So it can go both ways I think!

The definition of co-habitating in the context of a romantic relationship is a couple who are living together without being married, correct?

Shouldn't marriage also count as co-habitation?

It fits the definition of "co-habitation" because marriage involves a man and a woman living together

In reality, marriage is one possible configuration type of co-habitation besides a couple not being married but still living together!! !

Technically, you could even say me and my brother are currently co-habitating despite obviously not being romantically involved!

The way I look at it there are 3 possible configuration types for co-habitation:

1. Marriage
2. Boyfriend and Girlfriend (without marriage)
3. Family or Roommate

If we split each type into sub-types we get...

1. Romantic Co-habitation

&

2. Familial or Roommate Co-habitation

I think a lot of it is because there are less serious religious people and society is more accepting of living together before or in place of marriage. Also because divorce rates are still high. Also a lot of people cant afford a wedding honeymoon and multiple kids.

I have not gotten married yet because I would lose my benefits if I got married and also because I have not found the right Church of Christ woman yet. Also I want to have a spiritual marriage instead of a legal marriage through the state.I dont want to do the legal paperwork because I dont want to lose half my assets and future assets. But really the only reason why I even want to get married is because I am religious.....I would have no incentive to ever get married if I was not religious. However life as a single is okay for me right now so I dont know if I will get married or not....It just depends if I find the right woman.

Regarding co-habitation, I have some experience on which to draw. So when I was 24, I was sharing a room with 2 other guys in a house with quite a few other students. I met a girl around her 21st birthday who had just moved out of her parents' house. After she took me into her bedroom one evening, I simply just continued to sleep there every night. There was really no conscious decision but there was no real reason to sleep elsewhere. That was Spring semester. Fall semester, that became my semi-official place of residence (legally I still lived with my parents in another state). Along the way, via miscommunication, my then girlfriend believed I had proposed to her (although I hadn't seriously thought about marriage). At the end of the semester, I went to a job fair much closer to where my family lived, got hired by a company I spoke with there (the job turned out a disaster btw) and simply moved out. When I look back at that sequence of events, I feel a great deal of shame. She (and her family) continued to think we'd get married for quite some time.

Anyway, when I thought about all that later, I couldn't help thinking that any sort of co-habitation arrangement is likely to end badly if it doesn't end in marriage. Other people do co-habitate without long-term plans, but if the situation comes to an end, it's liable to be ugly. And other people can apparently move in and out of such situations without much fuss (probably very few autistics can manage that though). Sometimes people move in together as lovers then continue to co-habitate after they have stopped being intimate with each other (like if they can't immediately find somewhere else to live).

Right before I met my wife, I got involved with a woman who probably had Borderline Personality Disorder. It would seem she wanted to come live with me, so every time she came to visit she would bring with her some random item of cookware or whatever, although I had never actually told her I wanted her to move in. By that point in my life, I could see no good outcome from that.

I moved in with my wife AFTER we had decided to get married and were already beginning to plan our wedding.

Your situation is different as, if I understand correctly, you are both disabled and getting benefits, and that aspect of your lives is unlikely to change. Getting married might not be a bad idea for you, but of course you must be very certain the marriage won't end badly. I wouldn't waste a minute considering religious arguments however. Getting married or not getting married should have nothing to do with religion except the actual wedding, at least in your case as you aren't a Mormon or something like that. However there is the aspect that co-habiting would have a practical aspect to it as you would be sharing a single place of residence (in your case your brother is also living there) and would probably also continue to get support. Whereas if you weren't on disability, you'd have more options. But I am a pragmatist and I believe one should work with whatever one has.

Sorry if I've given a lot of information without really saying what I think you should do.

EDIT at this stage in your relationship, it might be better for you to continue to just see each other occasionally, despite the practical advantages of his moving in, as that seems to be working for the most part.

Why? How would marriage change the outcome of a relationship? To me, marriage is just a piece of paper that carries legal weight and that makes breaking up more difficult, but it doesn’t change otherwise committed relationships in any other way. With that being said, I think open communication is important. People need to be upfront fairly early on about what they’re looking for in a relationship, including if marriage is or isn’t the end goal.

If 2 people are sufficiently committed to each other that they're ready to get married, then maybe it doesn't matter if they actually get legally married, but I guess it doesn't technically matter if they actually do. This seems to be the trend in Europe. I am glad I got married, but that's just my experience.

But when I was in my early 20s, I didn't see anything wrong with living together with somebody if I was having sex with them. But my understanding of people at that time in my life was minimal.