Complicated girl

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I think that's it; calandale totally hit the nail on the head. The girl in the initial post probably just wanted to enjoy the closeness with someone she felt comfortable with. That doesn't make her a bad person, just someone who sends confusing signals. Girls seem to like cuddling just for its own sake; a few times, I've seen them cuddle with each other while watching a movie in a theater. So it's a pretty much a "what you see is what you get" kind of thing. She wanted to cuddle and feel the closeness, and a platonic friend seemed like a good person to do that with.

Maybe this is what the "cuddle girl" was going through. Her intentions were related to closeness and comfort, rather than romance. Or maybe she just had a cuddle moment, and you happened to be at the right place at the right time. Regardless, don't read into it too much, and just enjoy what she enjoyed (i.e. the closeness). I see nothing wrong with cuddling with a platonic friend of the opposite sex. Just make sure you control your emotions. After all, she's giving you something so many aspies are missing in their lives, so it's very easy to develop a crush in these situations.

Doesn't mean a grope can't move it
elsewhere though.

*laughing. . .*

as long as it's, like, a sensitive grope. . . be very aware of signs that might mean no.

skills would be very useful here as well . . .

Yeah. Just a gentle drifting.

1. This girl is very fickle, and therefore, stupid. She doesn't know what she wants, and that will be very hard to deal with. I've dealt with girls like that, and the best thing you can do is to cut off all communication and contact with this girl and forget about her, before you get obsessed with her.

2. Learn from my mistakes. I've have plenty of obsessions with different girls who were exactly the way you just described. Trust me dude, drop her before you get hooked on her. An obsession with a girl is like an addiction to a drug. Stop taking it before it gets you hooked, makes you feel like garbage and wrecks your life.



3. A girl is either interested in you, or she isn't. If she was interested, she would jump at the chance for a 1st date. Because she keeps avoiding the subject, or showing affection at very random intervals, she is 100% not interested. Girls don't want to hurt a guy's feelings, that's why they play games like this and send mixed signals. It's stupid, I know, but that's the way many NT girls are.

Just forget about her and move on to the next one.

Fickle doesn't mean stupid.
Tastes change.

Heh well in her defense, she isn't stupid. I may or may not have mentioned that she hasn't ever had a relationship before, and because of that, I think she is very nervous. I doubt she knows what to do given her situation.

Also, I can't exactly forget about a girl. If I could, I'm sure I would have many times over. At times, forgetting about a girl is definitely the smartest way to go, but for me, that's near impossible. Besides, I'll see her in the future, and if I choose to be a camp counselor next summer, chances are I'll be spending a whole 8 weeks with her (next summer, that is).

Right now, I'm not saying anything to her, and letting her make the next move. That's pretty much how I am testing exactly how she feels about me. If she doesn't say anything for the next couple of weeks, I'll just have to accept it and attempt to move on I guess.

I don't mean to dowright disagree with you, jkrane, I just don't like seeing her called stupid.

Man...part of me wants to see the story with me and this girl end here and now, but the other half just wants it to keep going and see how things develop.

Aint that the truth.

While I can't deny that a lot of women- for reasons I don't really understand- feel compelled to play games and send mixed signals, as you put it, this is. . . uh. . . no.

It's so possible to not be sure whether you like a guy. . .

The chances are high that she's just undecided- a reasonable place to be. If you're that interested, take a risk- not necessarily the aforementioned grope, but some particularly charming display of affection. . . that's just how these things work.

Good luck. . .

Perhaps you're right, Jainaday. However no one should waste their time waiting around for a girl or guy to make that decision. Waiting for them will give you a lot of headache and heartache that will interefere with your daily functioning.



I'm going to have to disagree with you here. If she is undecided, then it will be very hard to estabish an emotional connection with this girl, who seems to have very conflicting emotions. Undecidedness about a relationship (does she like me? does she not like me)generates the most intense obsessional thinking about a girl.

The mixed signals will eat you alive...trust me...I have too much experience with these difficult emotions and thoughts.



He already tried that by talking to her about a potential relationship and a first date, but she would change the subject. Good suggestion, but it didnt work for him.

What were you proposing in the way of a first date? Maybe she just didn't like your particular idea.

uh. . . I request holding of horses.

True, mixed signals over a long term can be a really bad deal. . . a really bad deal. That's not the sort of relationship that's healthy to stay in.

*however*- We aren't talking about proposing here.

We/you don't even know how strongly she feels about this, either way. There's a substantial chance that she doesn't have conflicting emotions, but rather, just hasn't thought about it much.

There have been any number of occasions when I clearly wouldn't want a relationship with a guy (at least yet), and turned them down for a date.

First, decide if you are interested. If you are, bring her a rose and say, "look, I know I'm a bit of a goofball (/odball/nerd/programing freak/whatever you actually are- your choice), but I'd love for you to have dinner with me." This is clear- you aren't just bored this weekend, you'd like her to go on a date with you- but no pressure. If she says no, your line is, "ah well. I suppose I'm in good company with the scads of others someone as (insert adjective describing her fabulousness- intelligent, charming, lovely, whatever) as yourself must always be turning down." . . . and then turn the conversation to whatever topic/s you usually talk about.

If you go to some sort of effort in asking her out- find out what her favorite band and when they're playing in town, find out her favorite restraunt and tell her you'd heard she liked it so.. . bring her a rose or other very small gift specific to her, you get the idea- (the point is, a small enough gesture that it's not pressure on her, but big enough that she knows you've gone a bit out of your way) and she says no without appologising profusely or asking for a rain check, she's really not interested, and if that changes it's her job to do something about it.

If she isn't interested. . . well, maybe with appropriate courtship she will be. That's sorta what this whole stage is all about.

Yes, there will be mixed signals. You can try to change things, or you can ask her outright. . . . or more ideally, both. Don't fall head over heels and then resent those mixed signals; they're just part of how things work. At some point you'll probably decide to walk away; in the meantime, you could get badly hurt. Maybe it's worth it, maybe it's not; welcome to relationship land. If you get to those sorts of places, I do recommend doing something over moping. . .

Smart move! It's hard at first to let her make a move, but the longer you control your desires, the easier it gets. I'm working on getting over an obsession with a girl right now.



Lol. I know how you feel man. That's exactly what happened in my head with my latest obsession. I wanted to call her...I still do...just to see if there is some hope that she might be interested in me. I'll start making up excuses as to why she didn't contact me. On the other hand, my logical side (which is thankfully more dominant for me) will tell my the harsh truth.



You're right...maybe 'stupid' isn't the nicest or the correct term to describe this girl. I appologize for using such a harsh term. I often forget that girls get nervous about guys and relationships.

However, I will say that this girl lacks the emotional maturity to be in a relationship in the first place. How old is she? Is she much younger than you?

Indecisive women (or men) can be very hard to deal with. Someone who can't make up their mind will have a great deal of difficulty committing to something serious like a relationship (or even a friendship). That can and will be very emotionally (and to some extent, physically) draining on anyone (especially with Asperger's).

They may not take the relationship as seriously, whereas someone who can make clear decisions, and knows what they want would be much more honest, upfront, and reliable.

Many people with Asperger's prefer order, routine, and structure (I know I do). I don't know about you, but I get very irritated when people are indecisive or irrational with serious issues like friendships or relationships. I make a decision by calculating or estimating the outcome after I weigh the pros and cons. I pick a decision and stand by it, until I have a legitimate reason to change my mind. I go through the decision-making process again.

Sometimes decisions are obvious, sometimes I really have to think long and hard. But the thing is, that I'm making the effort to decide, whether I make a mistake in my calculations (which happens enough) or not. At least I tried to do the logical and rational thing.

It just doesn't seem like this girl is putting any effort into making a decision. She may be inexperienced in relationships (so am I) but she will have to have a relationship with someone eventually.

She should be old enough to realize that she has to put herself in your shoes and think...

"hmmm...what signals am I sending this guy? Do I like him? Do I not like him? What are the pros and cons to possibly dating this guy. Based on my impressions of Maxx, he has (x amount) of good qualies and (y amount of undesirable qualities).

If X>Y, he would make a good match for me. If Y<X, then I should tell him I'm not interested.

if pros > cons, then yes.
if cons < pros, then no.
if cons = pros, then no. Why make a decision with so many cons?

The grope's cheaper, and less likely
to cause problems.

Almost forgot...thanks all!! You've given me new insight plus a whole lot to think about

Seems she likes bus rides, why not aks her out for a ride on the bus?