To Date or not to Date...........

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Joined: 9 Mar 2007
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21 Sep 2007, 7:55 pm

Even NOT going on a date doesn't
guarantee that some guy's not
going to get obsessed. One can't
take responsibility for someone
else misreading things.

shadexiii
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21 Sep 2007, 7:58 pm

gwenevyn wrote:

This advice sounds great here in writing, but in practice it isn't so simple. In Sedaka's shoes I'd feel responsible (and therefore awful) if dateboy formed a strong attachment to me if I wasn't ready to reciprocate. Even being completely straightforward about one's heart and one's intentions doesn't tend to prevent that from happening.

Eh...hadn't really thought about it that way. I was more focused on her potentially sitting around and waiting for this other guy to finally come around. I spent a couple years like that, and hated it.

Sedaka: If you aren't ready to even consider dating someone else right now, that's reasonable, but if it is because you still aren't ready to give up on this other guy...just be careful about that. The worst possible outcome for you would be to see him going out with someone else when you had been waiting patiently for him for so long.

I guess, if possible, the first real step would be to get where you are comfortable with the possibility of dating someone else. Who knows, during that time this one guy might finally wise up about the situation.

calandale wrote:

Even NOT going on a date doesn't
guarantee that some guy's not
going to get obsessed.

I won't disagree with that.

calandale wrote:

One can't
take responsibility for someone
else misreading things.

One shouldn't, but it does happen. Some people also try and minimize the possibility of that happening, and the chance of someone else getting hurt, even at their own expense.

As much as I initially said "Just give it a shot," I couldn't say that I'd be able to take my own advice on it.

I've gotten quite good at that, being unable to take my own advice.

calandale
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21 Sep 2007, 8:06 pm

shadexiii wrote:

I've gotten quite good at that, being unable to take my own advice.

Ain't that the truth.

gwenevyn
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21 Sep 2007, 8:16 pm

calandale wrote:

shadexiii wrote:

I've gotten quite good at that, being unable to take my own advice.

Ain't that the truth.

Oui, oui, messieurs.

(Yes, that is the correct spelling for monsieur, plural.)

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calandale
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21 Sep 2007, 8:27 pm

Give us more frenching lessons then.

gwenevyn
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21 Sep 2007, 8:30 pm

calandale wrote:

Give us more frenching lessons then.

Oh, I doubt either of you require lessons.

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calandale
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21 Sep 2007, 8:39 pm

It's been some time.
I might have forgotten.

gwenevyn
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21 Sep 2007, 8:47 pm

calandale wrote:

It's been some time.
I might have forgotten.

I know I've forgotten.

But that's the way it ought to be, I think. 'twill be precious to relearn, someday, when/if the right one gets within kissing distance.

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calandale
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21 Sep 2007, 8:51 pm

Damned incorruptible!

Ragtime
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21 Sep 2007, 9:23 pm

calandale wrote:

Even NOT going on a date doesn't
guarantee that some guy's not
going to get obsessed. One can't
take responsibility for someone
else misreading things.

True, but going on a date with someone is an expression of interest.

psych
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21 Sep 2007, 9:35 pm

Its quite possible to make the guy jealous without breaking 'dateboys' heart - you just have to be a little bit more creative. Invite hot male friends round and have them kiss you in public, fake cellphone conversations, send flowers to your door/desk etc etc. Just use your imagination but dont go overboard, and know when to give up and move on.

E2A: that was probably terrible and irresponsible advice (shadexii for example is better) , but ill leave it up there & then you can choose to disregard it, thus empowering yourself.

Last edited by psych on 21 Sep 2007, 9:44 pm, edited 2 times in total.

calandale
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21 Sep 2007, 9:39 pm

Ragtime wrote:

True, but going on a date with someone is an expression of interest.

Sure. And she's vaguely interested.
I don't see where it does more.

LePetitPrince
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22 Sep 2007, 11:25 am

Sedaka wrote:

LePetitPrince wrote:

You simply don't know what you want.

does that mean? i know exactly what i want... and im not getting it... is the issue.

No dear ... you don't know what you want . Take a moment and think deeply and try to find out what exactly you want.

Sedaka
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22 Sep 2007, 11:43 am

gwenevyn wrote:

shadexiii wrote:

Sedaka wrote:

i almost feel like it's unfair to the other person as well...

If it is the first time you would be going on a date with the other person, sure it is fair. It is just a date. Not a long-term commitment.

yep

ive definately gone through my man-hurting cycles.... not that they were intentional.

i dont have the heart for it anymore.

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Sedaka
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22 Sep 2007, 12:03 pm

shadexiii wrote:

As much as I initially said "Just give it a shot," I couldn't say that I'd be able to take my own advice on it.

did go out and had a good time

i have already been implementing phase 1 of not hanging with first guy anyway. been accomplishing that via WoW.

we just hung out, sampling various euro/homebrewed beers... burning CDs.. and watching family guy.

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Sedaka
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22 Sep 2007, 12:06 pm

LePetitPrince wrote:

Sedaka wrote:

LePetitPrince wrote:

You simply don't know what you want.

does that mean? i know exactly what i want... and im not getting it... is the issue.

No dear ... you don't know what you want . Take a moment and think deeply and try to find out what exactly you want.

dont presume i dont know what i want

im fully aware i may not know whom i want.... as this first guy is probably not what i thought he was.

but you are incorrect.

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