Love Shyness.

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It's just another name for social anxiety, except it applies to one sex instead of both most likely...

I am love-shy all the way. I can feel comfortable when girls talk to me first, or when I really have to talk to them in a social context (work being the best example). But I can never "approch" them and start chatting. I sometimes put myself in the mind set that "im gonna give it a try", but anxiety raises to such a high degree that I just CANT talk (heavy breathing, voice shaking), so I just stay mute.

AS and love shyness are not the same thing people....

Also I think this is kind of sexist as it is just directed at men. Someone made up a theory to make money, sell some books, etc, by taking various factors and problems and giving a fancy name for them all. Why can this only apply to heterosexual men? Why not homosexual men, or women, or lesbian women? If a woman is too shy to ask a guy out on a date, does not get asked out, is a virgin, etc, then she isn't "love shy?" This sounds like crap to me.

I used to think I was love-shy but not really anymore. I probably still fit the definitions regardless though.

I've gone through the Gilmartin book before and it does have a lot of weird stuff towards the latter part of the book. It goes so far as to suggest sex therapists to help love shy guys gain confidence in sex.
I think the only idea I liked was the nude jacuzzi one.

... now I've seen this subject talked about elsewhere and it eventually winds up as a bit of flame war with women claiming they can be love-shy also and men saying how the definition is geared towards specific male issues. Not that I know either way, but it's a tad silly to argue over something that wasn't even really acknowledged or accepted by the psychological community.

I think there was only one study done about this, and it was a while back.

I agree that it's more pop psychology than result from scientific method.

I think that love shy applies to women as well (and homosexuals/bisexuals etc.) and we should take out the intercourse thing, because what if someone was raped like me, when I was 5, does that count as sexual intercourse? I even had a child, at 26, but emotionally I still feel virgin, I know it sounds ridiculous, but it's how I feel. I do not feel like I had a meaningful relationship or even "normal", so far, to take me out of virginity, emotionally and make me a woman, if there is such a thing. Or even don't know how it is to be in love with someone. I talked to older women and they told me that the best is yet to come as love and being in love goes...
I had a few encounters with a man that I liked a lot (after 3 years of not seeing anyone) and I felt sick every time after I saw him. It was such strong "symptoms", that it scared me. I read a bunch of stuff and I came to the conclusion that I was experiencing withdrawals...does this sound weird? Does this mean that I was falling in love or "crashing"? I still don't know, but I sure know that I didn't have up to now anything that qualifies for a normal relationship, where to feel like it was a connection, communication. I just feel like I picked up a few damaged men and try to fix them. It didn't work, they are still the same...and so am I.

But anyway, the love shy applies to women, too, not with so many conditions, but it's out there and much more wide spread than the article in wikipedia makes you think. I remember that I came across "love shy" in wikipedia before reading this post and it made me smile, because it reminded me of a man I loved a lot (uselessly), he was a lawyer and he seemed to me like he was the model for the definition of "love shy"... I thought at the time that he was a virgin (physically), too, at 28. And NO, I did not take his virginity...lol...

http://www.alwaysyourchoice.org/ayc/art ... covert.php

I read the article or webpage. Very interesting. I will keep it as refference.
I was not raped by a family member, but by the animal that was helping around the house as a handy man, he helped himself with me when I was a child, only once (he bloodied me, not fingered me...), but I was scared until I left my parent's house, 17 years ago. It was not fun. And it would not be fun for him if any man in my family would find out...
Thank you for posting the article on incest. Are you dealing with something related? I know it's an intrusive question, so please don't take it wrong.
Cerasela.

I believe the reasons women & homosexuals/bisexuals were excluded from the study is because in society it's generally men who have to initiate a relationship so loveshy women or gay men can still easily be approached by men and maybe form relationships from there, whereas loveshy hetro men have to rely on the less common female who will take the opposing role in the begining. This would mean they're less easy to find & study.

The criteria is far too specific in a number of ways though and the symptom's fit in with other things like anxiety disorder.

Thank you Kurtz! If you ever dealt with stuff like that, say it. I felt so much better after I talked about my experience and I got help from the most unexpected person, my ex mother in law (I was divorced from her son when I told her about), G-d rest her in peace!

You're right, Mark198423.

I would say to all the loveshy people, go ahead and ask for what you want, why not?

I know that it will be hard for guys to accept this as being true, but women are just as shy as you guys are. It's hard for us to make those first moves and then when we are attracted to someone with aspergers we never know if you are interested or not. I know I can say some of the most flirty things to the person I am attracted to and he will act like he doesn't know what I mean. Do I really have to come out and say exactly how I feel about him?