How to know if an Asperger's guy is interested?

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Yeah, the general consensus is a good one. The other thing is get to know him a little better. In my case, I'm always better around women I've known longer than ones I've just met, which leads to me trying to get with women I've known longer, the inverse of what the general public is accustomed to. Getting to know him would also give you a chance to familiarize yourself with whatever sensory and/or social issues he may have.

The other issue with subtlety is that you should also not interpret whatever body language they use as being anything meaningful unless there is reason to believe otherwise. Avoidance of eye contact is a common trait among AS, it doesn't have any of the normal meaning that eye contact avoidance does. (Side note: If he DOES establish eye contact for longer than 5 seconds, he's definitely interested in you in some form.)

One more thing. If you're not in the same room, try talking to him online. Aspies find it much easier to talk online, as body language and other nonverbal cues are removed in an internet setting, basically leveling the playing field. I'm not saying don't stop talking to him in person, but if you're not in the same building, for instance, try sending him email or text messages rather than calling him.

Thank you for asking for help getting this guy's attention. When I was younger, people thought I was gay because I did not have a girlfriend when the fact of the matter was, girls were interested, I just had no way of knowing about it! Another thing to consider is that he's probably extremely anxious -- especially when it comes to interpersonal stuff. Therefore, when you are being direct with him, don't grovel, but take steps to re-assure him that it is ok to be interested in you and if he's not, it's no big deal. It will take time and require loving gentle patience (something my wife is not big on ) but it can be done.

Good luck with it and all the best.

You know, you might be in a similar situation to what I've found I am. Is it showing your sexuality and sexual side that's the challenge? I was talking to my roommate last night on the way back from the party, the topic came around to the fact that its so hard for me to even figure out where I should even set my expectations on life, relationships, and whatever else because I'm so unique.

He mentioned to me that one of the things he thinks really seems to be a communication problem between me and women is I don't show a sex drive, I don't show signs of the lower head doing the thinking, and consequently it keeps women from having any idea of my intentions - further it can put many ill at ease just because a guy who's not out to get it wet, there's not supposed to be any such thing so it probably makes me look deceptive.

For me I'd LOVE to be able to act that way if I could find a means that I could act on and pull off (ie. feel confident, feel like its really me being myself, I want to meet people halfway especially when its necessary) but the trouble is the physical and mental resources it takes for me to act on that behavior appropriately (ie in terms of being less cerebral) literally aren't there. Its not a matter of me not knowing how to relax and just be myself, I can do that and I'll still be exactly the way I am otherwise.

And of course socially, I don't come off that much different than the other guys, I'll fit right in even with the rough-cut crowd, but its one facet that people will notice about me; its a narrow band of behavior that's blocked, not by self control but I've got the grand canyon and no bridge to cross it.

I don't think so. Certainly NOT with someone
I'm already with. But, even otherwise, I can
be pretty flirtatious, at times. I have also
done some fairly dirty dancing (though I
was drunk). I think it has more to do with
the image that I see of myself. It seems
almost immoral to clearly express what
I want - and my reactions to others doing
so is similar.




See, I almost always KNOW the steps that
I should take, to achieve my goals. I just
CAN'T. But, there's no problem at all, with
someone I'm uninterested in, merely playing
the game. But, an old interest of mine came
bouncing up to me recently, and it just froze
me. No play at all.



Sadly, I do. Pretty much don't have friends because
of this. Had a kinda weird crowd, during my first undergrad
stint, and met people enough that I could form ties, which allowed
for flirting eventually. But, without that, only drawing pretty things
to me on my looks and dancing, there's just not enough comfort.
Alcohol helps, but it also has bad effects.

I just want to thank you guys for all the advice--we are going out now I know there is a debate about NT-AS relationships, but I think it's worth a shot with the right person. So far, I guess the hardest thing for us has been my understanding that he cares even if he doesn't show it in conventional ways (plus he automatically assumes that I understand, when maybe I don't).

What are some of the ways AS guys let someone know they care?

if I am interested I certainly never show it from fear of rejection or mocking (she might/probably finds me replusive)...
so...no one will really know (IRL) if I like them unless I tell someone else...and it gets to her

Good to know it worked out, but I was gonna say if he acts really akward around you it's good sign. | know i was grappling with my feeling when I was with a woman I liked, which resulted in me being stranger than usual.

There are plenty of guys like that - asexual

GS33: I'm glad the two of you or going out. As far as how he'll show he cares, look for the signs when the two of you are alone, and less when you're out in public. He might not be as comfortable showing affection in that setting. He's probably very guarded, so as long as you make it obvious that you care about him, he'll make it obvious that he cares about you.

I was at some girl's home, sitting on the lower bed of her bunk-bed. We were talking and I made a random note of not at times being able to sit tall with the upper bed being so low. Suddenly she was sitting on top of me, wondering that it indeed doesn't seem to have been designed for situations like this.

At the time I didn't realize she was hitting on me.
That's subtle for you.