any polygamous aspies out there?

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I hate to point this out, but what you said above could have a lot to do with why he wants you to stay with him - I bet his other girlfriend would be no good at that.

I would say however that I personally have no problems with the idea of polygamy as long as all parties are OK with it.

In fact I would regard it as a much more natural state than monogamy - having an affair would no longer be grounds for divorce, the man would just acquire an extra wife (or woman an extra husband).

But if you are not happy with it, especially if he is just using you to run his businesses, then ditch him.

If he really loves you, he'll come crawling back.

There's also the fact that they're going to have to wear a condom everytime they do it.

I'm concerned about the fact that he says he'll die if you leave him. One of my ex-boyfriends controlled me with suicide threats for years. He was cool for the first year that I knew him. Then he changed. I think he actually suffered brain damage from substance abuse and it turned him into an a**hole. I kept trying to leave him, but whenever I did, he would say he was going to kill himself. He'd act like he was serious about it. He also controlled me by interfering with my jobs and friendships so I was always alone and broke. I had to get away by lying to him and saying I wanted to live alone for a year. I found out later that the suicide threats were just a manipulation tactic.

Obviously, I don't know Flakey, so I can't pass attempt to pass judgement. I wish I had known this earlier, but apparantly it's not that uncommon for someone to try to control their partner with suicide threats. If I had known that, I think I would have warned my ex's friends to look out for him (in case he was serious) and left.

As for polygamy, I think there's nothing wrong with it as long as it's consentual. In your case, it does not sound consensual. It sounds like you are being manipulated and threatened. It sounds like you are naturally more comfortable with monogamy.

I think that monogamy and polygamy are basically sexual orientations. Some people prefer one, some people prefer the other, and some people are content either way. I think that it's important to have a partner who shares your preference, whatever it is. I think it's an important part of sexual compatibility.

Anyway, I think you'll be happier if you don't do anything you don't want to do, no matter what anyone tells you.

i have been trying to process all of the stuff that has been swirling around in my head on the topic for some-time...um...I still can't spit it out.

there is a big issue when a persons mate is carrying on a nonconsentual simultaneous relationship with a girl who is a TEENAGED PROSTITUTE..no less....

who does not use protection all the time with her johns...nor he with her.....


he told me that she said she got checked out and that she is ok...and that we could see the papers she has to prove it...but she is also a compulsive liar...

so I am going to have to go get myself checked out....

We have had past issues due to the fact that i am monogamously oriented and he is not...it is that which was a great source of instability which led to our previous breakup last summer...which lasted 6 months....
He chose to pursue me to be his partner and then he was constantly making me feel guilty for being monogamous...saying that monogamy was nothing more than Christianity enforced BS...yada yada yada......

I can handle having a casual non-commited relationship with someone I have done so in the past...we were exes who were friends with benefits...we were very close friends with mutual respect and a great deal of honesty-without jealousy who both eventually moved on to other relationships...

But when I have dedicated my life to someone...and our lives are so intertwined that we might as well be married....I just don't have it in me to do that kind of thing....

Well, even so, "ok" is relative. If there's any truth to it, "ok" probably means HIV-. It doesn't mean that she has no STDs, she is virtually guaranteed to have at least one. 70% of sexually active adults have one or more strains of HPV, it's so common and so contagious (and incurable) that there's rarely any point in testing for it. Many strains of it do nothing serious, others cause venereal warts, and several are responsible for 99% of all cervical cancer cases. With a healthy diet and no use of tobacco products, almost all women will fight off the infection well enough that they won't get cancer, but that's little consolation for those who do get it.

Symptoms are so slight that few people will notice catching it. A few weeks to months after infection, there might be some itchiness, as if one were getting a yeast infection, then nothing. There might be visible warts, but most strains (including a lot of of the bad ones) don't do anything visible.

So do get regular pap smears, and if you smoke, seriously consider quitting. When combined with the wrong sort of HPV, smoking increases the odds of getting cervical cancer by an order of magnitude.

...at least I don't smoke.... (sigh)

Be careful about this.

For one thing, I have found that relationships built upon co-dependency do not provide either person with what they truly need and can facilitate in keeping both individuals down.

Simple support of each other could be good, but just be careful about getting too involved right now with this other guy.

The other thing about this that has me thinking NO, is your last line. If you do not perceive this guy's intentions as genuine (driven by Flakey for some unknown reason), then you should really take care not to get too involved with him.

If I lived closer, I'd be happy to get together with you just for friendship and support... you seem pretty neat!

There is however a vaccine to HVP. This is why I don't understand why people are so up in arms about inoculating 11 year old girls, when it can help prevent cervical cancer. There is also evidence that HPV causes anal cancer.

no worries...not really interested...

as far as HPV vaccination...yeeee....I hope it is not to late....

THere was a controversy in my state a while back because our governor wanted it to be manditory for all girls...but yeah..there was sucha a big hubub..so the program was squashed...
as far as I know...i had trouble viewing it as a bad idea personally...'cept i dunnow..maybe unless the vaccination had some crazy messed up side effect..or something....

Not dying from cancer is a really messed up side-effect.

Add penile cancer to that list, along with some cases of cancer of the mouth or throat.

There is one BIG reason that I can think of why they might have objected.

Those who were objecting were comprised mainly of the "abstinence only" crowd.

HPV is the only STD that is contagious enough that you can get it despite condom use; it can't get through them, but it can get around them. The site of infection can be anywhere in the general neighborhood of the genitals, or elsewhere. Oral infections, for example, are pretty common. I read a post by someone online who got it from sharing a towel with a friend, and the medical literature includes one example of someone who got it from a hand shake. No other STD is remotely as contagious.

The "abstinence only" people constantly try to insist that condoms are inadequate for preventing STD transmission, and the only grain of truth to that is if there is HPV to worry about.

There is no evidence that the inoculations are useful for anyone who has already been exposed, so if you can stop them from inoculating 11 year olds, you can keep people living in fear of STDs indefinitely.

All I would say is :

You are worth more than the way he has and is treating you.
I find it wrong and totally disloyal on so many levels.

it's so lame..and horrible...and I am do dumb and what's worse is he still gots the whammy on me
i am so freaking gullable...
I am the 32 year old female version of Butters (from southpark)

And there's nothing wrong with that, as long as you keep Cartman at a safe distance.

They also forget to mention that HPV infections show no symptoms in 99% of cases. You can hardly call that a disease.

That aside. Not smart for the woman to get involved in a poligamous relationship unless she wears a condom 100% of the time because if she has 2 partners, then the other guy has 2 partners, the other guy has 2 partners, etc. All it takes is one link in the chain to get sick for all of you to get some messed up disease.

I keep dating Cartman.