Is it just me, or are men more prone to

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It seems as though women (and maybe men as well) oftentimes put more genuine thought into their friendships than they do their romantic involvements. You wouldn't befriend someone who was mean, arrogant, selfish, abusive,ect. Why would you date one? I say that rhetorically.

As a man I've never understood what puts you in either the dateable, just-a-friend, or something in-between category. Since there probably is no reason to it, dwelling on things that you can't really affect is just a form of mental masturbation.

For aspies I think it's easy to fall into a trap where you're so taken with someone that you'll accept friendship as a substitute for a romantic relationship just to stay close to the person. The problem is that you can come to view the situation as temporary and delude yourself into believing that if you can only wait things out for awhile, the object of your affection will figure out that she wants you instead of the guy she's with. Never seems to work out that way, however.

As for women making the first move all I can say is yes, please do. Really, don't be shy. I am so bad at reading body language and divining intentions that any help I get from the other side is always appreciated. I might not know how to respond to it, but I do appreciate it.

Who makes the move seems to be a bit of a distraction from the actual question. Everyone gets rejected, I've been rejected and even I've rejected and I've not had a relationship yet. I did it because I knew it wouldn't have worked we were unsuitable for each other. It is nothing against them personally, it is fair to say I would have been taking advantage of them if I hadn’t. People reject without doing anything its called personal taste. I've also failed to act on my feelings, which can be like a rejection. It's called pre-emptive rejection.

As for the actual question I have no idea but I doubt it. Regardless of sex it still can hurt a lot. Blocking people out of my life is something I used to do all the time. I'm pretty adept at it. It was the norm. Anyone I hadn't seen in a month or so, there was very little reason to see them again. That is how I lived. I don't recommend it. I've vowed not to block out people who have done nothing wrong since I met my friends. Being rejected is no reason to block them out, you don't have to see them every single day but at least if you were friendly with them before keep in touch. I'd only reserve the right to block people out permanently if I really felt they weren't going to be constructive to my life. That is beyond just falling out, having a disagreement and so on.

I don't know if my 'slowly roasting' thread might help samtoo?

I'll admit it does sometimes get bothersome when a girl is willing to be friends once she has her boyfriend. I've known a couple girls like that. It's like they think it's safe now to get to know me since I can't ask them out. It's feels to me like their playing unfairly.

My former girlfriend and I tried being friends after out breakup... but we drifted apart anyway. Maybe this can work for some, but for the one's I know of, this always seems like a bad deal for the guy. From the guy's POV, the girl still is getting what she wants, but not the guy anymore. It's a bad deal doomed to failure. Unless you have to see the person again regularly, it might be best just to sever ties and move on.

I don't hold any hope in the compatible girls asking me out or approaching me. It just doesn't happen.



I think what i do now to avoid a bit of the "friend" pitfall is for to me decide that before the girl does. If I think a girl has dating potential, I'll pursue them with that in mind. If I find out they have a BF, then I just stop pursuing them... no friends thing allowed, I just let it go and move on. Then there are some who I decide will be friends and I treat them that way. I might be tempted to consider them datables, but i try not to let myself.

im in a similar boat and i can't stand it.........

argh

Yeah chances are I will delete her again and soon.
I already did delete her once... but that strange thing made me re add her to my life.

I'm having doubts about that.

Think I'll get rid of her from my life soon - when? Dunno but I ain't gonna wait around for anything. Problem is, do I have a choice? I never get the opportunities and that... if there's no hope in anything, then I guess all there is is that sense of false hope.

Screw this though... I have strong will - just a shame that it ain't just the girl stuff that's f****** up my life.

I'm feeling very disturbed atm...
Need to rise above this disturbance - this ain't right.

This is an abusive relationship.

One of the hardest things I have had to come to terms with in my life is that women are capable of tremendous evil just like men. I know it seems obvious on the surface, but if you begin to think about it and meditate on the ramifications, you can gain a LOT of insight into women very quickly.

When men are abusive, it is obvious, and others can see the effects of abuse too.

The way that women are abusive is much different, and much harder to detect. If you just seem to be mad at a woman in your life for no real reason you can put your finger on, there is a good possibility that she is being abusive towards you.

Women can sniff AS out, dude. Women have amazing social senses, and they can immediately zero in on someone who they know they can get away with abusing. Since AS people don't understand that language of social dynamics, we don't really understand that we are being used. This is just like how pedophiles choose victims that won't tell on them. These women usually work in nursing, teaching, police, EMT, security, middle management, anything where they have socially recognized, indisputable authority. Or, they will work in "man jobs", where they are the only woman around, and thus the sole object of sexual desire. They tend to oscillate between extreme prudery and off-the-wall whorishness.

I have seen this happen time and time again, and it took me many years to wake up and see the pattern of abuse.

She is using you as an emotional crutch. She only cares for you insofar as you prop up her shaky self-esteem. She is not your friend. She is deliberately giving you false hope so that you stick around. She is getting a charge out of being able to control you. I know it is hard to tell right now, but there is such an underlying cruelty involved in her actions towards you that would turn your stomach.

She hates men, and you get to pick up the check.

She knows how hard it is for you to have intimacy in your life, and she holds the threat of removing that over your head to make you do her bidding. Her threat is to abandon you, which keeps you in a suspended state of terror, afraid to do anything that will upset her.

This is the exact moral equivalent of a man sexually assaulting a ret*d girl - the ret*d girl would not understand what was going on, and might even enjoy the experience. Exploitation is ugly.

I really could be wrong about your case, though, and I want you to be sure. Just sit on this info for a bit, let it roll around so you don't react in rage. Trust me on that...

Just try something for me; quiz her about you. This is a good way to tell if a relationship comes from authority or mutual respect. Chances are she knows almost nothing about you, your tastes, your likes and dislikes, what your obstacles are, etc.

If that is the case, disengage immediately! Do not get mad at her, yell at her, etc. especially if you are alone together. In fact, once you begin to recognize this cluster of traits in women, make sure you are NEVER alone with this type. You, like all men, are for her a means to an end. Nothing more, nothing less.

I want to point out that it is NOT all women that act like this, but a particular subset. The thing is, one can be subconsciously drawn to women like this to the point that one thinks they are the only type. A few years back I bit the bullet and began to really examine my relationships with other people, and I found that I associated with some pretty crappy people.

For an example of this type of woman and the abuse she can bring, watch the movie the "Shipping News". This is Cate Blanchett's character to a "T".

Although this test is for mothers, it works well for the situation you are in. These abusive mothers were once simply abusive women, and once they have a kid they tend to use their children to fulfill their unmet needs instead of male friends.

http://eqi.org/ptest.htm

And you might find this page useful as well.

I think you're wrong in the case of Heather, Kurtz, but you may be happy to hear that if any opportunities with anyone else ever comes along, I'm out of there fast.

In the case of everything else you've said, I'm sure that's true.

And people around me wonder why I find it so hard to trust people lol.