Emotional Blunting

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theyw ere quoting me... not u

yeah... i dont really think about committing suicide so much as how do i not (ie try).... it seems, is how i feel often

Yep I may have to write them down. The idea of 'truths' is a bit hard for me because I don't see there as being absolute truths and there are some 'home truths' and lots of random noise information in my thoughts.

I was thinking of doing something to heighten my emotions in general. I'm having trouble feeling sad too. The emotional blunting does help anxiety, but it's no motivator.

Yes I think so. I never learn. I actually don't remember being a kid, but I do want to be me. I'm a perfectionist to near fatal consequence.

I have experienced full on emotions before. Turning them off would be great I agree. However emotional blunting is probably just as damaging if not more. I even want to feel sad. It is difficult to explain.

Well yes. I am improving each time. Since I've been trying the first person I was interested in I can't even think why I was interested in them at all. The second person much more my cup of tea, I saw some things that didn't necessarily fit but that's what I liked about her, but I don't think there was enough for her, so she wasn't interested. Now I'm feeling I have some idea. But I can't answer those 'what are your preferences?' and 'sexiest woman' threads. I have to know the girl.

I don't know if it is shallow just to try someone at random. I know a girl that has next to nothing in common with me apart form the obvious and not intellectually similar but she is very nice. What do I know? It certainly hasn't been what I thought. I definitely don't want to date a female equivalent of me although my sister jokes about it. What I do like is a similar type of intellect. Not exactly the same but complementary. It seems I do like a bit of volatility. I think it is important that we can both understand and appreciate the types of things we like to think about. Looks wise I like brunettes and other shades except for platinum/straw blonde. I do not like anyone that passes as a 'babe' or 'girly'. I like unusual and distinctive looks can't really say more than that. I if I'm really into them they look good with no make up on and with spots on a laundry day. I'm not talking about some idealized TV commercial. I just like the way they look.

I wouldn’t say is I feel disillusioned with relationships because I haven’t had experience for that to happen. I worry that when it is the right person I can’t get my feeling out enough to act on it. Jfberge has got the right idea it is fleeting but you do work it out eventually. That doesn’t make it stay; it is like a short circuit.

Yeah.

Also you make this statement: while making these generalisations about women? WHO is seeing people as a category here?

I hadn't thought of it this way, but it's probably true for me as well. I no longer know what I want from myself, from others, from life, and I don't even know if I at all care anymore. At the same time, i'm sick and tired of acting.

Last edited by pbcoll on 18 Nov 2007, 11:58 am, edited 1 time in total.

well, i've largely given up on meeting the right kind of girl - years of failure do that to you. For a long time, the few girls i've met that made me feel anything have been either very much taken or not at all interested.
I want to blunt my emotions - what good do they do to me?

I'm just starting to realize the type of guy I do well with and am attracted to. Like you, I have to know the guy before I'm attracted to them. In the past, I always ended up with guys who I knew liked me. Half the time, it didn't last very long and I never really understood why. I see now that it's because I didn't have anything in common with them - nothing to talk about, nothing to relate to. I was going after what wanted me, not what I wanted.

The last guy I dated, I had absolutely nothing in common with, but I thought I was falling for him. The last conversation I had with the guy, I texted him that I missed him. He responded back with "why do you miss me?" and I realized that I really didn't have an answer to that. The guy was a jerk, completely self-centered, not that bright, and had told me he couldn't be with someone who "researched everything to death" (as if that's a bad thing... ).

What I finally realized was that I was just stumbling into relationships (or whatever they ended up being) without any sense of purpose. I was doing this because I didn't know what I wanted since I didn't actually know myself. That whole situation was what led me to discover Asperger's. I started to understand myself after I learned about AS. Now that I'm starting to understand myself, I think I have a much better chance at finding the type of guy I actually want to be with. I told myself when I left my ex-husband that I was no longer going to let life happen to me, and I finally feel like I have the tools to ensure that no longer happens.

The last guy I liked is actually a lot different from the guys I usually ended up with. He's more Aspieish (not saying he is though; I have no idea) and kind of a dork. I never ended up with those types of guys, probably because they're less likely to go after women and I'm not one for giving a guy a lot of indications I'm interested. It didn't end up going anywhere, but at least I know the type of guy I want now.

Me, you and everyone else.

Did you read my whole post or just stop there? Did you read the part where I defended this categorization?

Did you watch the video?

Don't shoot the messenger. I'm only relaying what women have told me. And proven to me.

Half of all marriages fail, ending in divorce. Pretty high rate, wouldn't you say?

Those are just the people willing to get a divorce. How many stay together "for the kids", because they're Catholic, because they're afraid of being alone?

How many women have boyfriends they don't like and don't respect? How many women have boyfriends so they won't "look weird"?
How many women settle for a bore with money?
How many women see sex with their partner as a chore?
How many women stay in relationships because it's what they did yesterday?

HOW THE HELL IS THIS MY FAULT?

It isn't my fault that people lie to each other. It isn't my fault that people abuse the notion of love and marriage and family, pervert it, twist it, call it MORAL and GOOD and NORMAL to hurt people on such a fundamental level that they can't admit that it's happening?

I don't lie to women. I don't try to force a long term relationship into existence when we both know all we want is sex.

This culture is so sick. The instinct for procreation is the common denominator of all life on Earth. It is our most important instinct. Yet, we are beaten and bludgeoned into holding the false belief that this is WRONG, that we must dance around this issue, that we are never allowed to mention the elephant in the living room.

That's the real crime, the real repulsive thought - that we are not allowed to acknowledge reality and our own happiness.

We have a topic in the love and relationships section on who is the sexiest woman, where we are invited to show and share pictures of people that we find sexually arousing. What we are NOT allowed to do, apparently, is talk about sex! Uh, WHAT???

Is anyone that flabbergasted that I might want to have sex with a woman I find SEXY? Is it that outrageous to admit that LOVE and RELATIONSHIPS might involve SEX?

What the hell?

Ok, I guess I did kind of jump on you. I'm sorry. I may have taken your post the wrong way.

Yes, I read your whole post.


No. My internet connection is too slow to wait for most videos.


You know all women?


Yes. This is not just the fault of the women. Men have their faults, too. It's part of being human.

How men many have girlfriends that they see only as a sex object? How many men have girlfriends so they won't "look like a loser who can't get laid"? Idiocy, insecurity and being a jerk is not determined by one's gender.


How many men settle for a bimbo with big tits?

Good question.

How many men also do this?


Who said it was?

Noone said it was. Sedaka and I were angry with your generalisations.


Good. I wish their were more people who were open like you are.

I agree.


Yes.

We have the adult forum to talk about sex.

Of course not. That's not what I was objecting to.



Right, since you took the trouble to explain yourself, I'll return the courtesy and go through your post and explain why it hit a nerve with me.


What? What if that girl is in a bad relationship (yes, she should get out, but when have people ever made sense?). A little emotional support may be exactly what she's after. Secondly, saying "most women" is still a generalisation. Where is your evidence that most women cheat? If you don't have any, I'll presume that it's a product of your own paranoia or the paranoia of those with whom you associate. Either that or you've been reading too many women's magazines, which take the disgusting attitude that men should pay for everything and expect nothing in return.
In my last relationship, my boyfriend wanted to pay for stuff. I wanted to pay my own way, and spent many hours that it wouldn't make him less of a man if I paid for my own damn lunch. This has happened before on dates. I don't know if all guys are like this, but if you are, it doesn't make it easy for us to pay our own way.


That girl is wrong. People are people, not tools. I have guy friends. They provide companionship, and I like and respect them. We support and advise each other. I had a boyfriend. He provided companionship and sex, and I liked and respected him, and still do. We supported and advised each other. Not much difference there. No dude on the side for sex, no chump to buy me things. The chump that bought me things (joke) got jumped on pretty much whenever I saw him.

Not that I've noticed, but face processing problems are probably not helping me with that. They may exist, but how does it follow that most women are b*****s and most men are wusses?


You used "most women" before, is it implied here? Even if it is true, you are making "women" into a category yourself, if only by this statement, and even with the "NT" disclaimer.

I haven't heard any of that since high school. Try hanging out with real women and not those with the mentality of a 13-year-old.

I find some men in uniform attractive: normally because they are in good physical condition, and the uniform suits them. Don't make assumptions that women are looking for a father figure: I DON'T WANT TO f**k MY FATHER.

Once again, evidence please? I could go around saying that most men hold their girlfriends in contempt and just want sex, it's a sentiment I've heard expressed, but I have no good evidence for this.


Evidence? And there you go again with the generalisations.

I'll watch it when I'm on a faster internet connection, probably tomorrow.


________________

If i google 'emotional blunting' this thread is coming up on the first page!

This sounds like something i have , but techstep & gweneyns theories are very encouraging - i hope their right

Over the years, I have been able to set up a little failsafe in my mind, where if I'm faced with any overemotional situation, my emotions just shut down. Completely. It's the only way I can avoid neurological overload when I'm faced with my own overwhelming emotions.

Good. I think it will clear some things up. Let me know once you've seen it, and tell me what you think.

This is not a men v women thing. That doesn't exist.

This is the same mistake unions make - the competition for jobs is between employees, and the competition for workers is between employers. Wal-Mart competes against Target, not their suppliers.

I said that these guys treat their girlfriends badly; the point is not that "women are bad", I've gone really really far out of my way to make that clear in all of my posts. I even had a whole post about how men are the natural servants of women, and that it is a good and necessary thing that men should embrace; we just have to know how to do it properly.

It wasn't until I found WP that I found out just how different and special AS women are, that they were quite literally a breed apart. I never knew the intellectual women I knew had such pervasive social disabilities. I knew they were prickly around men (you'd HAVE to be! The only effective defence!) and they didn't get along with other women, but I chalked it up to solely to jealousy, not their inability to understand why the other girls were so mean to them.

I know a LOT of women who have been through a LOT of crap, and the more I reflect the more I see that they had high IQ and social deficits.

Do you know what it's like to meet a woman who's hunched over, self-hating, withdrawn, so shut down inside that she can't feel anything but bad things, has no idea how beautiful she really is, and when you leave her she's happy and confident and standing tall and finds no shame in joy? That's what I live for.

About women wanting a provider AND a genetic donor: not my theory, I've just gathered a lot of supporting evidence. This has been known for some time, but is not exactly politically correct to mention.



If you don't understand social cues, then I'm not talking about you.

"Trees", "crowd", "group", "dogs", "atoms", "family" are all generalizations. Generalizations are useful mental shorthands which exist in our minds.

A chihuahua is different from a mastiff, but they are both "dogs". A spruce is different from a maple, but they are both "trees". These are generalizations and abstractions.

When someone has taught you that generalizations are BAD, they are trying to destroy your capacity for abstract thought. Same goes for "you can't judge". Yes we can, and yes we must! They are simply tools we use to gather and process and categorize knowledge. This is what they teach you in school, on purpose. Saying "judgement is bad" is a judgement. Saying that "generalizations are bad" is a generalization. Don't let people control your mind.

If we didn't generalize and we didn't judge, we would still be swinging from tree to tree.

A group is defined by the constituent objects having similar qualities. We just need to keep in mind that generalities are generalities, and always break down.

Say there's a field with two cows. Are both of those cows equal? Are they the exact same size, weight, height, age, etc., or are they simply two different animals with closely related genetic makeups which we have chosen to group together based on common characteristics?

Asperger's is a generalization, a compendium of traits, a subjective aggregation. There are HUGE differences between the individual members here, but there are common threads, right?

The harm comes not from stereotypes but from bigotry. Bigots are the ones who don't judge. They're the ones who never allow for exceptions, who never budge from a motivated cognition. Bigots are those who don't properly generalize, who don't adjust their mental constructs to the available evidence.

Ok, thank you for explaining that. I had misunderstood what you were trying to say.

My ex had that attitude. It was one of the best things about him.