"Jerks" or "Nice Guys"

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I always find this topic deeply interesting.
Being the secretary of Sex and love addicts anonymous in London and having AS I am in a very unique position to observe the inner dynamics at play between the sexes.

What is clear is that attraction is very complicated and the issues with re intimacy are deeply problematic. My personal take is that attraction has less to do with wiring and more to do with parenting.

Everyone at our meetings would admit to being sexually anorexic or sexually compulsive , which are two side of the same coin.

People find me rather unique because as a man I am totally disinterested in convention and fashion but adore daggy and sensitive woman. Most men in my group think I am weird. I just laugh, I find it all funny and amusing and very NT.

I think the trouble is that if your a nice guy, if you want that to be attractive - you really have to go all out in terms of dressing real preppy, being a complete straight edge, going almost overboard on being innocent, listening to country and not much else, and finding your dates at church. If your an extreme of something it tends to work well. You've pretty much gotta be something like Toby McGwire in Cider House Rules. Pretty much if you can be that innocent that most other guys don't have much in the way of respect for you - a lot of the real innocent, traditional, and seemingly socially fragile women will eat it up.

Most guys, however like balance - they also want balance in the women they date. They want to be they're true selves, want to be multi-layer, and being all one thing or another seems not only real unhealthy and unless your kind of eccentric in general you have a real hard time even liking yourself minimally when you fit an extrema. That said though, in terms of sexual attraction, it seems like that mechanic works mostly on extrema (at least with women it really seems to go in that direction). As far as the NT guys I've known that seemed to go the longest without girlfriends - they weren't uber geeks, they weren't way out there, in fact they were just too balanced; kinda more like the semi shy guy who listens to a lot of gangster rap, thugs out the way he dresses, and while they were decently successful socially it just seemed like women did less than gravitate to them - part of it I think being just because these guys were nice and didn't fit the stereotype of what they looked like (which, being the stereotype of what you look like outwardly again, that in and of itself seems to be a huge turn on for people - the more you break lines with who people think you should be on first glance the more you seem to get yourself into trouble on that end).

alex must creates a sub-forum called 'Jerks and Girls'

The real problem with that too, a lot of times what you get as a payoff in the end isn't even something you want. Like when you are just out with the guys, being an a***hole to fit in, and having fun that way and then some girl who actually seems attracted to you for it wants to pull you off to the side so you can point out people who aren't dressed well enough and crack jokes about their fashion together. Its really crass, and by the time you end up with someone like that next to you you usually want to get away from them as fast as possible - you're acting like an a***hole is more because society expects it out of a guy whereas with her, she's just being herself and has no idea that your bluffing.

I voted as jerk .... no need to explain why, just ask julliekitty and co

where is she btw? and candale too? are they dead? or they got a mate and forgot us?

Sometimes people just disappear from message boards, never to be read again.

Richard Bucket (or is it Bouquet?) on Keeping Up Appearances, has to be the quitessential nice man.



Probably every man who remains married will end up either just like him, or just like the more relaxed Onslow



depending on how his wife trains him.

If you aren't nice like these men, then you may end up divorced, like Hyacinth's neighbor, Emmet.

But why should a woman be expected to train their mate? They ought to be housetrained by the time they leave home (the guys that is).

Yes, but sometimes their mothers can't handle them.

and potty trained! Quit pissing on the carpet. Final warning you.

Oh, sorry.