Ouch.

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an NT?

she has a fiancee

since I didn't mention anything about her mental category then she's NT by default (since they are the very large majority)

The only person in the thread that actually gets it.

You don't need to be POLITE to ask someone to join you for lunch, you know Put your pitchforks down. Just because you don't understand the indirectness people sometimes throw around, it doesn't mean they're out to get you or deserve a fork in the eye.

1) "Why are you eating alone?" DIRECTLY means 'come eat with us'. There is NO other reason to make a comment like that. A comment in ill-will would be 'Look at you eating alone, freak'. If an NT sits by you or passes by and comments on your being alone, they intend to change it. End of story. That is how we work. We are highly social creatures, and the good-willed amongst us feel personally guilty if someone is alone (which means sad, lonely to us) and seek to rectify it.

2) "People that eat alone, die alone" – further emphasis on our social nature, really. Unlikely to be ill-will of any kind. Sometimes our jokes are harsh – it was most likely that. If it were me saying it (I wouldn’t be so blunt, personally), it would mean ‘We don’t want you to spend your life being lonely and depressed, if you want some company you can be with us’.

It’s funny, particularly in NZ culture, people are seemingly rude to be friendly. “How are ya, ya bloody bastard!” is not an insult – far from it. Being that rude actually implies a very, VERY close bond.

Tis hard – but try and see alternatives to the literal meaning of half the sh!t that comes out of our mouths

^^ wow, you are so smart you bloody bastard !

as a friend then...

Hahaha. 'Clever bastard' is something often thrown around here amongst friends/colleagues 'Sexy b***h' is often a compliment. On the reverse thought, ‘pfft, nice one’ is an insult...sarcasm...however depending on the intonation used, it can be a compliment – a genuine thought.

It’s very easy to see why people with AS or autism are completely confused and often hurt by NT’s crazy society

At least once people are out of school and/or university, malicious and overtly insulting/hurtful behaviour is usually only made by a small number of people. ‘Office bullies’ etc are actually not NT – they are sociopaths. The kind that argue with you, are ALWAYS right (narcissists) and insult you or make you feel unworthy or otherwise bad...they are not neurotypical, they are sociopathic. Actual condition.

Once people are out of the school environment...bullying and nastiness is pretty much limited to these people. So fear not...often we don’t mean to hurt you, we just simply don’t understand how to communicate with you in a way that isn’t hurtful...

^^ Thank you , you bloody sexy b***h !

in my country NTs use sometimes 'bad boy/as*hole" as compliment.

Yah...it's strange how an insult can be a term of endearment huh!

My guess is that she was trying to help you or befriend you through some "tough love" mixed with humor. In my experience, cliches of that nature are often used to drop hints about how the recipient of the message might better themself or achieve greater happiness or something. They're meant to be amusing and unsettlingly insightful at the same time. I think the expected response to that one would be, "Ha ha, I'm such a loner. Oh, but I don't want to be alone forever! I should join that kind woman for lunch tomorrow." (All of this is derived from observations of the way NTs react to such statements.)

Then I was right, dumb reason.

Wanting to make someone not lonely is a dumb reason?

Wanting to make him not lonely.

It would still have been better if they came out and directly asked if he would like to join them for lunch the next day. We need to know exactly where we stand in social interactions.

Unless they all know you're an Aspie and know what that means exactly, your chances of that are pretty much nil.

However, getting close to someone allows them to 'figure out your quirks' - wanting people to be blunt, for example. People quickly learn that you need them to be straightforward and honest, no sugar-coating, sarcasm or white lies, once they get to know you.

Can't expect it straight off the bat though.

Best thing to do is go in, armed with the knowledge that more often than not something that seems like an insult is actually an icebreaker or even a compliment.

Why, oh why, can't people say what they mean and mean what they say - without being mean???

Oy... the stupid, stupid, STUPID social games! Unspoken meanings and doublespeak. Gad!

I'd be quite able to speak to anyone if it weren't for this ridiculous pastime! And the more "social" a person is, the more they play this game, and the more at-odds I find myself with them because I don't.

~12 years ago, a "socialite" put it in a very tangible way - "You're nice to have around - you actually say exactly what you mean!" Of course, she later said that it was tiring and getting annoying and eventually became near-enemies because I wouldn't "just play along with everyone else".