acceptance?

Post Reply New Topic

laurs "I'm stuck in this cycle of meeting people and pushing them away"

I use to always do this, push people away when I most needed them and still do at times.

Its like at times a shutter comes down, I sort of back into my own safe little place.

But there is hope, I never gave up and now have my own family, has never been easy for me, but things have got so much better now I have been diagnosed and understand. My husband always use to think I was pushing him away and now at least he understands I just need my own space at times, but still not always easy.

I use to get frustrated with NTs not understanding me, but guess they never really will - so unfortunately this means us making so much more effort and that can be so hard at times, it can seem so much easier to back into my own safe world.

After a recent failed attempt at a relationship with the girl of my dreams, I have come to that acceptance. There are still occassions where girls show interest in me but in order to avoid being rejected or getting my hopes up again I refuse to reciprocate. Yes I am depressed but I just try to remove the emotion and not think about the loneliness.

I can relate to that. I wasn't exactly rejected but the circumstances didn't allow it (which is even more frustrating for me). Whenever I found someone I would have wanted to stay with, it never worked out. Never had any real relationship as such. Feel like I'm cursed. Didn't give up completely yet - still hoping i will find someone i can stay with for longer than a month (that would be a start for me).

i also feel like i'm cursed.

or demented.

something... i'm always wondering what the hell is wrong with me, aside from the fact that i have AS - which is not 'visible' to the naked eye.

i must send out this unapproachable vibe.

i try to be a pleasant person.

i just figure it has to do with the way that i look. attraction is the first stepping stone to meeting someone. i don't care what anyone says.

I have been married twice and I've come to the conclusion that I will be alone for the rest of my life, however, at this point, I am OK with that. Then again, I have kids, and they keep me company.

I've pretty much accepted it...and it's okay.

If I do happen to stumble into someone it might be nice...but I doubt it would ever work if we lived in the same house together...not for long anyways. So it's not something I hope for.

I will never give up. I WILL find true love in this world eventually, no longer how long it takes. Well, maybe I won't ever succeed, but I'll definitely keep trying.

Same here man, we'll keep trying.

I pretty much accepted that I probably won't find a girl. So right now I am focusing on improving myself as much as I can and pursuing what I enjoy. Maybe a girl will be attracted to me because of my ambitions. It's too much work to go out and meet women and there are too many really superficial people who makes me think I wouldn't want to date them anyways.

I'll start looking for a girlfriend only if someone special appears but I won't go out of my way looking for women. Besides, there are many other things to keep my life interesting.

That's my approach as well. To me trying to pursue a relationship with someone just for the sake of having a relationship seems really silly. I want to be in a relationship with someone who is special to me. I've tried to be in a relationship with someone just because I thought I ought to be in one. It did not work at all (unsurprisingly). It also seems dishonest, since you're pretending you really like the person when in fact that person is little more than a placeholder.

I go out on dates but I want someone I really connect with hasn't happened yet. I consider the possibility of being alone but thats only if I decide that its not worth the trouble which for now I don't feel that way. I don't have problems getting girls I have problems either keeping them (because I hold myself to such a high standard that I hold others to), or finding someone I connect with for the same reason. Honestly I think its because I'm confidant I don't think of myself as defective or inable to find a good relationship I just have problems finding a relationship that brings out the best in me and the other person.

not to mention my last ex keeps me wondering if its worth it but its due to me bringing out the best in her at one time then her insecurities took over and then she kept pushing me away. I had a rough time during our relationship because it made me wonder if I was on the right track and if I was just being selfish then she turned around using private things I told her to personally attack me.

In the end I talk to her as a friend but I doubt that friendship will last long she just seems that she felt because I broke off with her that I somehow felt better then her so now she tries to put mistakes I made under the microscope so she voice a sentiment of "see I'm messed up and so are you." Which is counterproductive to having a good friendship I have 2 girls I'm working on seeing if I could possibily have intimate possibilities with. I like many people with AS come off as socially awkward (I won't know if I have AS till probably a month or 2 from now.)

I was married for 10 years before it fell apart. Now I'm dating and it is such a living hell that I wonder sometimes if I have the energy -- it's that "getting to know you" stage that really freaks me out because at some point I fear I will be discovered as an imposter.

as long as you stay true to what you believe in you won't need to worry about being an imposter.

I'm 29 too. I figured a long time ago that I'd most likely be alone all my life. I haven't done anything to remedy the situation. I haven't pursued a girl at all. I just kind of accept it and get depressed occasionally.

I've had several girls seem interested in me, though they quickly lost interest or just weren't very determined and gave up quickly. I feel disappointed that I didn't react properly or quickly enough.

So anyway, I haven't completely given up all hope. But I seriously doubt someone will just drop into my lap, it's basically just a fantasy.

You're not in Florida by chance, are you?