Are You in the Running?

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BlackBull
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Joined: 6 Jan 2008
Age: 35
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11 Jan 2008, 2:58 am

Quote:

By being in the running, I mean you stand an honest chance that, when you ask a girl out on a date, she will accept.

Not necessarily true. Even guys in the running get rejected. The key to getting the date is how attracted SHE is to you.

Quote:

It seems to me that women (and let's face it: men) have categories in their mind that they place people in. Most relevant to this topic is one of dateability. Someone who is perceived as highly attractive or highly desirable would have high dateability.

True.

MEN: The Categories are 1-10, 10 being hottest girl ever, and 1 being wilderbeast.
WOMEN: Same 1-10, 10 being a confident, outgoing, true-to-himself guy, 1 being an ass-kissing coward.

Quote:

I think some people, though, have approximately zero dateability, so women reject them

Utter BS. There is such a thing as "Having Zero Game", but it is FIXABLE.

Quote:

For example, if a person with zero dateability develops affections for a woman, his feelings are not considered legitimate because he is not "in the running" to begin with (in other words, others view his attraction to others as preposterous bordering on the delusional).

First off, "Zero Datability" = "No self-confidence and no chance of hope". THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS ZERO DATABILITY. It is a mind trick, I assure you. Every guy is in the running. The thing is "Do they believe they are in the running?"

Quote:

Since he should have "known better" than to find himself attracted to something he is not supposed to take part in (i.e., dating and mating), any perception that he is making romantic overtures or even wants to is the basis for disgust and contempt.

Again, lack of self-confidence. Without self-confidence and hope, nothing will ever work. NOTHING!

Quote:

I get the feeling that people think I should be grateful that I am "allowed" to go to work and have a job (which bores me) and live my day-to-day life relatively undisturbed.

Be grateful you were even given the gift of LIFE. Out of 1 million sperm, you're the one that made it.

Quote:

I should not "push my luck" by actively pursuing goals that I actually care about and instead be contented with the life course society has laid out for the loner geek; if I deviate from the life course intended for the loner geek, I will encounter all manner of problems with the only solution being to stick inside the life course of the loner geek.

Following society never did anyone good. Be yourself dude. Be happy for who you are. I'm a "loner geek". I play WOW every day. I edit Doom II WAD files using DoomBuilder, play emulators, and mix music using my DJ equipment. I still go out, hang out with women, excercise, and work at my job (which sucks as well, but will change soon). No excuse.

Quote:

Of course, I find the life course of the loner geek to be 100% dissatisfying in every way. I am actually interested in romance, sex, and having some friends to talk to and do things with.

Of course. PM me on that.

Quote:

I try to come across as positive, optimistic, funny, intelligent, and everything else that might make me attractive; but it doesn't seem to help. It is as if you weren't already in the running, you never will be no matter what you do. Women can somehow perceive this and thus ignore you entirely.

It's called not being yourself. Women sniff that immediately once they see a person (We'll call it Women's evil sixth sense).
By being yourself, you can bring out your best qualities, and have a fighting chance.

Also, improve your lifestyle as well. Open yourself up to new things. Take up dancing, martial arts, writing poetry, etc...

Didnt mean to come off as harsh (The last thing I want to do), but it's how the world works man. Take the advice I've given you, and give it 2 months (takes time). See if life doesn't change for the better! xD.

Rob_Somebody
Snowy Owl

Joined: 26 Dec 2007
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11 Jan 2008, 3:12 am

Yes, yes i am in the running, however i make horrible conversation and my humor is really twisted, so in that aspect no.

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BlackBull
Tufted Titmouse

Joined: 6 Jan 2008
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 28

11 Jan 2008, 3:15 am

Rob_Somebody wrote:

Yes, yes i am in the running, however i make horrible conversation and my humor is really twisted, so in that aspect no.

Practice bro, practice.

Took me 2 years before I could work a room. Talk to random people (Store Clerk, person on line, a random old lady). You'll become comfortable talking with others.

It seems hard, but, as time flies, it becomes easy as hell. Practice man.

AnonymousAnonymous
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11 Jan 2008, 4:23 pm

I don't think any girl would go out with me. :lol:

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NeantHumain
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11 Jan 2008, 8:32 pm

Brian003 wrote:

NeantHumain wrote:

By being in the running, I mean you stand an honest chance that, when you ask a girl out on a date, she will accept. It seems to me that women (and let's face it: men) have categories in their mind that they place people in. Most relevant to this topic is one of dateability. Someone who is perceived as highly attractive or highly desirable would have high dateability. I think some people, though, have approximately zero dateability, so women reject them a priori. For example, if a person with zero dateability develops affections for a woman, his feelings are not considered legitimate because he is not "in the running" to begin with (in other words, others view his attraction to others as preposterous bordering on the delusional). Since he should have "known better" than to find himself attracted to something he is not supposed to take part in (i.e., dating and mating), any perception that he is making romantic overtures or even wants to is the basis for disgust and contempt.

I get the feeling that people think I should be grateful that I am "allowed" to go to work and have a job (which bores me) and live my day-to-day life relatively undisturbed. I should not "push my luck" by actively pursuing goals that I actually care about and instead be contented with the life course society has laid out for the loner geek; if I deviate from the life course intended for the loner geek, I will encounter all manner of problems with the only solution being to stick inside the life course of the loner geek.

Of course, I find the life course of the loner geek to be 100% dissatisfying in every way. I am actually interested in romance, sex, and having some friends to talk to and do things with.

I try to come across as positive, optimistic, funny, intelligent, and everything else that might make me attractive; but it doesn't seem to help. It is as if you weren't already in the running, you never will be no matter what you do. Women can somehow perceive this and thus ignore you entirely.

Well this is exactly what happens when you put looks before everything else when choosing a women.

Why does it surprise you that they act like this? Think at the situation from THEIR(NOT YOUR) perspective.

Understanding that they are equally as shallow as you- What exactly would they want in a relationship or a partner?

A man that is manly(Muscular, good looking, or high status) and can fulfill basic needs. Beyond that; they CARE very little about anything else.

Honestly, some GOOD advice from someone as shallow as you is to not put looks above everything else: If all else fails; hit on a girl who isn't attractive.

Then you won't be competing with around 90-95% of the male race.

And also; I think you should be like a philosophy teacher or something(Not joking. not being sarcastic).

For an apparent "loner geek" you have some pretty insightful and all-around good ideas.

Who says I go solely on looks? I've talked to just about every kind of girl out there. If they're not creeped out, the inevitable words falling out of their mouth are "sweet" or sometimes "funny" (not necessarily by my own intention either). Nevertheless, nothing comes of it.

Anyway who says I'm not muscular, good looking, etc.? I work out, got the well-paying job, etc.; and it hasn't helped with women (mainly because women and people in general have some expectation that you have a clue when it comes to social interactions).

BlackBull
Tufted Titmouse

Joined: 6 Jan 2008
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 28

11 Jan 2008, 9:02 pm

Quote:

Women are attracted foremost to personality. you can be dead broke and struggling to make ends meet. If you have a positive, well-rounded attitude, any girl will go for you. Looks are a bonus. Money is a bonus. There's rich kids I know that dont get girls. Why? They lack personality (Or never show it)

You dont seem too optimistic about the women you talk to bro. I can understand why. Trust me man, try showing your true personality. Be yourself with them, and see how it goes. Give it time. Talk to different girls. Go approach, say hi, and start a convo. If all those girls got "creeped" out, I promise you, I'LL lose faith in society with you! xD.

Try brother. Try.

NeantHumain
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11 Jan 2008, 10:34 pm

BlackBull wrote:

Quote:

That's the problem. I'm 23, yet I've barely had any kind of socializing all my life other than in formal settings (classrooms and workplaces). This means I find my life painfully dull and thus tend to come across as "flat" or extremely apathetic most of the time. There's an inertia behind the boredom. I need to get some kind of socializing into my life, but it's hard to naturally come across as appealing or interesting when the tedium weighs you down and thus you can't get what would make your life more interesting so that you no longer seem so apathetic.

NeantHumain
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12 Jan 2008, 12:01 am

BlackBull wrote:

I am paraphrasing the attitude of many women towards me rather than my own thoughts.

BlackBull wrote:

Again, lack of self-confidence. Without self-confidence and hope, nothing will ever work. NOTHING!

Following society never did anyone good. Be yourself dude. Be happy for who you are. I'm a "loner geek". I play WOW every day. I edit Doom II WAD files using DoomBuilder, play emulators, and mix music using my DJ equipment. I still go out, hang out with women, excercise, and work at my job (which sucks as well, but will change soon). No excuse.

Quote:

Of course, I find the life course of the loner geek to be 100% dissatisfying in every way. I am actually interested in romance, sex, and having some friends to talk to and do things with.

Of course. PM me on that.

Quote:

Whether I am feeling confident or not, if I give all the outward manifestations of it, no one should be able to tell the difference. (Trust me, I am very good at hiding how I how I feel.) The concept of "being myself" in contrast to not being myself doesn't make any sense. I am always myself, so how could I be being anything but? I wasn't the kind of kid who grew up with a great deal of passion about his solitary interests (or if there was passion, it faded pretty quickly as the novelty wore off). Kindergarten and earlier, I was sociable if a little bit odd; the social differences became more distinct with age, and by fourth grade I was clearly cemented in the nerd/geek category (against my will, I might add). The thing about solitary interests is that they don't provide much to keep you interested for long (after the initial curiosity peaks, it becomes less and less exciting); socializing, for example, gives a person the opportunity to share ideas, hopes, etc. Without these outlets, natural interest just dies. People, even aspie, I reckon, have evolved for this (we aspies just lack the natural skill for this, not the natural drive).

techstepgenr8tion
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12 Jan 2008, 12:14 am

AdrianB wrote:

I think most girls would say yes.
That doesn't mean anything though.
First look can be as deceiving as can be...

Ain't it the truth?

I'm kinda the same way, much less worried about no's than yes's turning ugly.

aries
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12 Jan 2008, 5:36 pm

NeantHumain wrote:

I don't know why you concern yourself with leagues or levels. Do you see yourself as fundamentally unable to pass a certain point? Why on earth do you place yourself on some arbitrary hierarchy where you are judged only by the most superficial characteristics a man can be judged by? Do you not trust that, if you put your talents and skill towards an effort, you could probably achieve your goal with enough dedication (assuming your goal isn't hyperunrealistic)? So-called "hotties" don't have anything over you; I just see physical attractiveness as one of many factors in the realm of attraction. (I've talked to some "hotties" as well as more average women, and being hot doesn't really correlate one way or the other with most other qualities you'd want in someone).

To me you seem to be contradicting yourself because you are saying women put you into levels of 'dateability' yet ask me why I concern myself with levels

NeantHumain
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12 Jan 2008, 7:34 pm

aries wrote:

NeantHumain wrote:

To me you seem to be contradicting yourself because you are saying women put you into levels of 'dateability' yet ask me why I concern myself with levels

All women have rejected me in the past, but this doesn't imply anything about levels. It just implies a dichotomy: dateable or not dateable. There is some je ne sais quoi that makes me undateable no matter what I do.

pbcoll
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12 Jan 2008, 7:53 pm

Women would rather stick pins into their eyes than date me. So no, I'm not in the running. It's all very well to tell me I should have some cofidence in myself, but in practice how the hell do I do that? I have no idea how to flirt nor how to respond to flirting (or even ow to talk to strangers of either sex for that matter), I'm 25 and have been to club only twice in my life (and have no desire to return), all the girls worth even talking to seem to be taken, so what's the point?

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Mark198423
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12 Jan 2008, 8:35 pm

I like to think I'm in the running.

When it comes to putting it into practice though I often get doubtful!

techstepgenr8tion
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13 Jan 2008, 3:22 am

I'm in the running as long as I'm drunk.

devster21
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13 Jan 2008, 5:20 am

I consider myself in the running I suppose even though I got shot down by my boss on friday. I don't normally ask women out though, even if I find them attractive.

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