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Saying cruel things when angry...

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cornflower
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06 Jan 2008, 7:01 am

Thank you for your help! :D



Pandora
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06 Jan 2008, 7:40 am

I'd suggest seeing if something is happening that is making him more stressed in recent times. It could be his job or if he's not working, that could be getting him down. Unfortunately, having AS doesn't stop people from acting like jerks and at some stage, he has really got to sit down and look at himself and how he's acting towards you and work out a way to stop being so mean.


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ToadOfSteel
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06 Jan 2008, 8:49 am

I used to be like that to people (easily aggrivated and taking it out on the closest innocent bystander...)

Now, however, I've been able to cntrol myself for the most part, only taking my anger out on innocent pieces of electronic equipment...

I really need a punching bag, though...



Sedaka
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06 Jan 2008, 11:28 am

cornflower wrote:
I feel the same way you do. No one likes being with a door mat. But I keep reading everywhere that "you should be patient", "he doesn't mean it", "he is just frustrated b/c of this and that" or "it's not personal". I'm less AS than him, so I try to be patient, but it seems like he can't stop until I'm crying. No matter what I say or do, there's no reasoning with him. He puts me in a lose/lose situation every time.


i identify with not taking my bitchings as personally as i hear they are received... i couldnt stand my last loves tears... but that was before i even knew of AS and neither of us had a clue... and i havent had any practice in the game since


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gbollard
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06 Jan 2008, 7:54 pm

As gwenevyn said, I'm not entirely sure that this is just an aspie thing. I think it's a boyfriend or male-immaturity thing. That said, I'm only going to try to answer the aspie parts of this condition;

Aspies do often say things without understanding the implications. This is particularly true for emotion/observation type things. We are often a bit too direct or tactless. When angry, we have huge reserves of memories that can be dredged up, which contain all sorts of hurtful things. Remember that aspies spend a bit of time stewing on things and may look happy even when they're not.

I can't tell your age from your profile but if you're under 30, there's not much you can do (except possibly date older men). If you're older than that (and your partner is too), then you need to start laying ground rules.

examples of good ground rules could be;

"what is a past argument is past and cannot be brought into current arguments".

or
"you aren't allowed to pick on weight/fat etc.." (if that applies)

An aspie will know when they've crossed the "rule" boundary


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