Bachelor's Compendium: Home, Life and Love

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I've personally noticed that experiences are very important.

For one: You can't -really- tell who you are unless you've tried everything. You don't know if you like avocado's if you've never
tasted one for example.

And two: Sharing experiences is a huge subject in day-to-day conversation and extrapolates a huge deal of your personality. What you did in your weekend or what happened the night before is something you've done and thus forms a part of the outcome of your personality. By sharing those experiences, people get to know you and will be able to judge (more correctly) if you're, like 0hanrahan said, of high enough value to them.
This may seem like cheating but it isn't if you don't do it the "superstar way". Meaning: do things because you like to do them, not because it's regarded as cool or interesting by the 'general population'.

I'm glad you've shared your views on this, Ohanrahan. A bit to clear it up.

Tell me about it dude. So many "Gurus" are so full of it I cant honestly believe if there out to help others or just make a quick buck. As for long term game, that's something related to the individual. The self-help guru's expertise is to get your feet wet, helping you with the toughest part of the game: The approach. IF you reach the relationship stage, it's your individuality that defines you. Nobody can teach you how to have a meaningful relationship; that is something both you and your partner share together, and is created au natural. Believe me, it's hard enough to actually start that relationship. To manage it, it's all you. (You as in general)




Unfortunately, you're right on that one. Most gurus tell you what the skills are, but never really show you how they work. They expect you to practice on your own, and see if you can master it yourself. They promise to lead you to the water, but they leave you to find the river, and even when you reach the river, it's still up to you to decide whether to drink the water or not.
Most gurus are out to steal money from those who just wanted some help, and I think that's why everyone hates the pick up world. I can understand. I hate those gurus too, because trust me (No arrogance intended), I know just as much as they do, if not, more than them, and I dont charge a PENNY to help those who ask for it. Power corrupts, Greed corrupts, both destroy man. The best thing you can do is not waste money on workshops, but rather buy the books, and find out WHY they work. You save time and humiliation like that (Believe me, some "gurus" are ass-monkeys who shouldn't be allowed to help others).



There you go! That's the answer! Develop a more interesting lifestyle! That's the mission me and the guys back at my site aim for. Of course, many guys say that most of the stuff men do to get women is manipulative. Yet, have they ever stopped to realize how women are WORSE manipulators? (Making men buy expensive junk for them/Witholding sex until the man does something she tells him to do, and ends up never giving the sex/Bringing men over to hear their sob stories, because that guy was "Nice" and "Affectionate", but ends up getting put in the LJBF zone). Ironically, The most manipulative men are the ones who say that they're "Nice, caring guys" who would do anything for a woman. GTF OUT OF HERE! We're ALL messed up people one way or the other. When we accept the fact that we are not perfect, and we have flaws too, we become realer people, and thus, more genuine and attractive.



Whether it be home project or the clothes you wear, learning how to match colors and keep oneself organized is as easy as learning logarithms. Trust me at least on that bit. Also, when you bring a woman over, it is MANDATORY to have a clean pad. Not perfect, but clean enough to appear that you've did an OK job fixing up. Women can be VERY understanding about men.



What you say about the home is true. Your house is an extension of yourself, and if it's messy and unkempt, she will assume your messy and unkempt. Yet, even if there are some loose ends that arent fixed, she wont dislike you any less. Remember: None of us are perfect. If she really makes THAT big of a deal out of it, you probably dont want a relationship with her anyway.



That's what value is all about bro. Not proving you are the king, but showing INDIRECTLY that you are a true man of value. By gaining hobbies and developing your personality, you become a stronger, more attractive being, and women become attracted to your "Aura" (That is how you develop charisma, ladies and gentlemen).

Very awsome read Ohanrahan. Glad to see we think alike.

I think that someone liking you because of experience and knowledge IS them liking you for who you are. I don't see how it is at all shallow. Isn't it the very opposite of shallow because it's suggesting a way women could be attracted to you that has nothing to do with looks or paychecks? She is thinking 'interesting person to be around', not 'will infer power, give me money, etc'. I think it is perfectly possible to think of bettering yourself as part of trying to find a partner, but still hope that this person will love you for yourself. I don't think that these two things necessarily conflict. You're trying to present a better version of yourself, but its still very much you.



Not necessarily true. NT's are possibly more likely to have done the expected things like get a degree and a good graduates job, which I failed to do. However, because no one had told me I had a condition I had no idea of my limitations, hence I was DJing in a very cool club and writing cover features for a magazine before my nineteenth birthday. I crashed out, but you get just as much experience out of that as if you suceed! I'm starting my own magazine now, and I'm on my way to getting that degree. I'm 21.

I can dress myself well, but I wouldn't claim to know what any of you ought to do! Especially since you all seem to live in the US which has different shops. Re-hairstyles, I'd say to go somewhere very expensive and ask for their advice. You can then get someone cheaper to replicate what they do.

I don't know, it seems every single woman who even sort of shares my interests is either taken for the long haul, not interested in me or I'm not interested in them. The vast, overwhelming majority of women have no interet in my interests, so having my own interests is if anything counterproductive (i have no interest whatsoever in reality tv, pop culture, fashion, clubbing, gaming, sports, etc), but neither am I going to pretend I'm someone I'm not.
Not many people come to my place, so even though on those occaisons when I do have visitors I do tidy up, it's too infrequent to matter.

Thank you to the OP for posting great, sensible advice!

Being totally honest here, I am repulsed and saddened by all of the "improve your game" threads in this form. Dating is not a game. You don't "win" by making the right moves, amassing armies, or god forbid, entering cheat codes. You are dealing with another wonderful, fragile human being with hopes, needs, fears, and desires.

The self-help/surefire seduction books don't teach you how to do anything other than manipulate and use women. It may get you sex, but it will never get you a loving relationship. In fact most women you use it on will probably end up hating you for it.

The best way to make yourself more appealing to anyone is to IMPROVE YOURSELF! Be responsible, healthy, balanced, intelligent, independent, and loving. The rest will come naturally.

Please note I am still working on some of these myself. It's a struggle for all of us, but there are no shortcuts to happiness. Be the best you can be, not only for others, but for yourself.

Amen to that! This thread was intended to be reciprocal; I was hoping to get as much advice as I in turn give.

My examples on hobbies and such were one offs and by no means meant to be the examples to seek. Just think of those on your own that somehow match who you are. OR find a new hobby that would develop and undeveloped side of you. If you're not really physical, then challenge yourself with cycling or some other physical endeavor. If you only speak one language, learn another one and learn some phrases that might be entertaining to hear.

I think if we start with the ideas true amplification: making our life, clothes and house reflect and amplify our good sides, we'll have a fine balance between raising value and being yourself. Seek balance too: physical-emotional-mental. Choose activities/interests that challenge and develop each side of your being.

If anyone is a hardcore RPG veteran, please IM me. I have some ideas I need help with

[quote=kitschinator]Thank you to the OP for posting great, sensible advice!
Please note I am still working on some of these myself. Wink It's a struggle for all of us, but there are no shortcuts to happiness. Be the best you can be, not only for others, but for yourself.[/quote]

I object against this, i strongly believe there are shortcuts for a happier life, just no highways.
A psychiatrist, a good friend, a stress-management-course are all potential shortcuts to a happier life, it just depends on you.

I object against this, i strongly believe there are shortcuts for a happier life, just no highways.
A psychiatrist, a good friend, a stress-management-course are all potential shortcuts to a happier life, it just depends on you.[/quote]

All of those things can help immensely, but I don't think they are "shortcuts", I think they are you seizing an opportunity to help yourself and make your life better. Not everyone is willing to put the work in to make themselves happier.

But anyway, I agree with your sentiment.

This is very helpful.

I've been thinking if this applies for guys as well as girls. I think it does in a way. Even though girls tend to have nicer and cleaner living spaces by default (not that i could tell, thats just what i've been taught by society), the few I've met were just plain boring and I absolutely couldn't have a proper conversation with them. I also find the kind of girl which only cares about fashion, looks or whatever (sorry, stereotypes) absolutely repulsive.

I'm just saying this because it is very hard for me to meet girls that I wanted to spend some more time with - I want to find someone who is interesting. I mean no offense to the females here, maybe all the girls on WP are perfect (take this as a bad joke), but the ones I've met (not online) I just find not very attractive in an overall sense.

(Plus I'm probably still looking in the wrong places - but that has nothing to do with the validity of my statement).

Hope you understand what I mean.

Well, gaining experience by "living" was half of your premise (the other half is related to superficial aspects and common subjective interests to build a part of the bridge).

It's subjective -- there'll be people who like you for who you are now, and there's going to be people who'll like who you are when you turn yourself into your ideal (who you want to be).

A better piece of advice for an individual with an ASD is trying to improve their ability to communicate (this is our problem); we're just like all those other "normal" people, but we tend to lack social grace when we can actually talk to others. There's people out there who'll understand us for who we are and our eccentricities, we just need the ability to show people who we are; many of us lack this ability.

For example, there's no point in attracting a certain type of individual who likes a certain interest you have, a certain cleanliness your house has, a certain attire you dress yourself up in if you wish to actually create a lasting relationship; all of these things prior aren't unique to those with AS, whether lacking or having, we lack the ability to interact how the other 400 or so people understand.

It's why Professor Attwood and his crew are big on improving our ability to interact, not our ability to accumulate (we don't have a problem with the latter if we're focused).

Nah, there's nothing wrong with what you said. Interesting people of either gender are hard to find!

Seems like most of the guys around here (my area, not WP) only have a few interests: Watching sports, drinking, going to work, and fishing/hunting.

YAWNSVILLE!

I enjoyed this post and found it very informative.

Thank you

We're still not connecting and it may be my inability to write what I intend.
My approach does not require you to change who you are. The idea is to amplify yourself and amplify your surroundings. When an electric guitar is plugged into an amplifier, it brings it life. The guitar is still the same and the wood and pickups within will still produce the same sonic properties. The sound is at the core. The Amp then takes the properties and amplifies it's output, and can add to the sound with signal processing and effects. We stay the same, but use smarter combinations of attire and decorating to let ourselves shine through.

My entirely beige condo and floral pattern granny couch, haphazardly covered, is not me. That all needs to change.
I'd like to think I have opportunities to let my taste in art (no velvet Elvis) and other aesthetics show through. I also desire furniture that exudes strength and comfort. The granny couch was just convenient and in no way reflects who I am or any positive masculine qualities.

As for experience, we ASD folks sometimes live inside our head spaces too much. We can use specially selected "new interests" to help us get out and experience more. Byproducts are this:

We are learning something that interests us
We may be learning something new - expanding the brain
You are adding more facets to your personal experience, making for more conversational fodder
The interesting activity makes easier the forced social interaction it may require. Greater social interaction skills is a likely byproduct of the interest. The interest factor is the spoon of honey that helps the medicine go down.

Developing a rich array of interests and experiences, and coordinating our abodes, unite to offer better paths to add richness to who we are and amplify our signal. It's not fake; it's entirely you.

Sounds familiar. Most girls are boring to talk to irl, online it's even worse (they might as well copy and paste the same profile). This is also a reason why i don't care much for friendship, most guys are as you describe, so hat do i want them as friends for?

Incidentally, when you meet people through a shared interest, it means that (to an extent) you are able to waffle on about said interest for ages and there is a chance you will actually impress someone!! ! If you manage to find people who are actually impressed by your knowledge they may not notice your total and utter lack of social skills.

Thank you! What would you suggest for attire and home decorating?

Thanks once again for your razor sharp insight!