Men telling their women they will never leave them

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I've made that promise, totally thinking it was true, and I've also had it said to me.

But, alas, I am alone now.

I read in a book recently that men should never make grand-scale, absolute statements as promises, because they simply can't know whether they'll be able to keep those promises, even with the best of present intentions, and often the result will be hurt feelings.

The book was on dating and courtship -- or, rather, dating versus courtship. It recommends clear, spelled-out, mutual-communicated steps in courting. It said some very interesting things, some of which have changed my perspective considerably.
For instance, it said that many dating couples have a fundamental confusion about where they are in their relationship at any given time. So, sweeping promises get made way early, because the time feels right to verbally commit to those things, and because they can see no clear evidence that they shouldn't make such promises. Indeed, they're so romantic, and sound so altruistic, don't they? Sometimes even to their giver.

The book ("Boy Meets Girl", by Joshua Harris) also stresses that couples should not put the physical stage of their relationship ahead of the emotional and relational stages, because that causes confusion, and often heartbreak, when the shock comes that you weren't where you thought you were in your relationship. So, the book emphasizes the need to keep the emotional, physical, practical, spiritual, and commitment aspects of your relationship coordinated together. For example, don't let the emotional aspect leap ahead of the practical. I'm a VERY emotional person -- so much so that I'm often completely blinded by the surge of my feelings, especially in relationships. I find it virtually impossible to coordinate my practical relationship aspects with my emotional aspects. Therefore, I tend to want to instinctively take flying leaps in the form of incredible verbal statements, statements which are straight from my heart, but which over-reach my grasp to actually fulfill and guarantee in the future.

And speaking of guarantees, there are none. Try to remember that infinite security is not on the menu. So, to get the next-best kind, always plan carefully.

I don't believe in soul mate bull s**t
I'd not say that because I may want to leave...
and why lie

Relationships Always end... The best ones end when one partner dies. (of old age - not because one partner killed the other).

It's silly to promise forever early in a relationship but it's nice to promise it when you've been going out for a long time.

Love doesn't last forever without a lot of work.

Sometimes you love your partner... and sometimes you have to work at it.

A promise to love forever should be a promise to work at it to keep the love alive. Unfortunately, changing circumstances, time and a number of other factors all conspire to make it difficult.

I personally would never say such things unless if I sincerely meant it.

The thing is that you do at the time.

And pretty much everybody does it. It's almost like it's wired in, to say such things.

Not always, I believe many will use the phrase for maliciousness.

When it comes to things like this, talk is cheap.

I can't see why anyone would want to be malicious. What would be malicious about declaring undying love.

BTW: I've been told I'm naieve and although I've been married a long time (10 years) and been going out for a further 10, I only had one girl. So this was true for me.

I just can't see why someone would lie over a thing like that.

If it's something a girl is dying to hear, and the guy says it... well she'll do things for him... perhaps. Then the guy dumps her later on...

It's a very vile thing to do, but not outside of the realm of possibilities. When it comes to people, they can be pretty self serving and dastardly...

And I shouldn't have said many, it's more like many as in more than 1... not everyone that says it. But even among those who do say it and mean it, I'd look to actions for the real commitment.

Last edited by Pugly on 14 Jan 2008, 11:41 pm, edited 1 time in total.

That's just horrible - I don't know people like that.

I agree.
Also, they might really mean it at the time. Situations change. People change.

I don't believe they're being malicious when it's said and not meant. They may have an under-lying agenda but are often just trying to achieve that quicker than they would without the words. People who use the expression are already in a relationship & (should) feel affection for one another so no malice is intended.

I would only say it myself if I really meant it but wouldn't feel obliged to stay with someone because these words have been uttered if things between us changed.

I think some guys may say it as they think that girls want to hear this kind of thing...